.•^.m /♦".,--. f^^i %^l J ?>^ ?^ -^.^^^ 6. u> £t3^^' ^k %? f^'^ **i** [f^^ ^°Ai THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY C V.5 The person charging this material is re- sponsible for its return to the library from which it was withdrawn on or before the Latest Date stamped below. Theft, mutilation, ond underlining of books are reasons for disciplinary action and moy result in dismissal from the University. To renew call Telephone Center, 333-840O UNlVEIiSITY OF ILLINOIS LIBRARY AT URBANA-CHAMPAIGN JUH 1 8 ^ JUL 2 6 m ''yijwn THE LIBRARY . • THE JUL 2 1 193] UN/VERSITY OF ILLINOIS Vol V. Number I. September, 1915 'Meet Me at the Go-Op Corner" ^ KnoA¥ This Flag? ON T H cy ^ (I /SQUARCX It Is a Mark of Business Honor It Is an Emblem of Business Prestige It Guarantees to You:- Courteous Treatment AND Efficient Service Constant Growth Signifies Constant Service The Co-Op We Are Often Imitated, But Never Equalled Illinois Theatre 1SS" "VAS YOU EFFER IN ZINZINNATI?' Seats on Sale Saturday at the Box office, Harris Confectionery, Quirk Drug Store. PRICES Lower Floor $1.50, $2.00 B.alcony 75c, $1.00, $1.50 Gallery • 50c Telephone Bell 333 Auto 4535 for Seats Pixley and Luder's Inter- national Musical Comedy Triumph. WITH JESSE DANDY THE ORIGINAL HANS WAGNER MUSIC MIRTH ROMANCE Notable Cast of 62 Including Beauty Chorus of 37 Singers and Dancers, 37 Pilsen's Own Orchestra Auto 2265 9 Al White Barbers Th e Shop of Ec Randy s h S ( The hair ' place cut the you can ^ I way you ^et your want it 614 East Green Street Classified List of Advertisers PAGE NO. Barbers G. C. Ehrgott 1 C. L. Hoover 43 Book Stores Co-Op Inside Front Cover D. H. Lloyde 34 Confectioners W. Bradley 5 Thornhill 5 D. H. Harris 33 White & Gold 12 F. Mead 14 Cleaners and Dyers L. B. Souder ; 12 Woodie Mathews 43 Smokes Velvet Inside Back Cover Fatima 11 Clothiers and Haberdashers Cluett, Peabody & Co.. .Back Cover Zombro 14 Jos. Kuhn 38 Fred Marshall 4 Pruett 37 Drugs Leslie 39 Spalding 34 Groceries & Meat J. F. Webster & Co 8 Palmer Bros 8 Stoltey Grocery 13 Roberts & Grant 10 Chicago Packing House 9 Colvin Meat Market 43 Jewelers Ray L. Bowman 39 Wuesteman 6 T. H. Craig 36 Laundry Soft Water 13 Champaign Steam 36 Photographers Renne 39 Photo Art Shop 43 Strauch 13 PAGE NO. Pool and Billiards Cavanaugh 10 Newman 5 Leseure 14 Quirk 36 Restaurants Alamo 4 Ostrand 6 Crumb Shelf 13 Shoe Repairing Bert Hill 34 La Sell 6 Theaters Colonial 9 Illinois 1 Lyric 7 Orpheum 35 Park 39 Princess 37 Transfer Co.'s and Garages Chester 7 O'Byrne 9 Shobe 43 Stoltey 38 Miscellaneous Smedley 32 Sam'l Abrams 44 Beardsley 10 Reickhoff 3 Indianapolis Elect. & Engv 37 McWilliams & Gleim 6 G. C. Willis 44 Twin City Creamery 38 111. Trac. System 8 Bacon Bros 13 Citizens' State Bank 42 F. H. Thorn e 3 W. A. Jones 42 Ideal Electric Co 9 Dovle 43 G. R. Grubb 3 Bradley Sweaters 42 Chalmers 40-41 Paul 37 Custer 3 Fancy Cakes, Bread \ Rolls We are now located in our new home. Everything up-to-date, modern and sanitary. We are also in a position to serve you better than ever in the line of high grade rolls, fancy and appetiz- ing cakes and good bread. Give us a trial. L. F. RieckKoff Bakery 213 South Neil Street Champaign, Illinois Custer's The Best Buttered Pop Corn and Roasted Peanuts Urbana Hi T^JIP^ Cui! Bell 411, Auto 2162 for jarices or infor- mation regarding Halftones, Zinc Etchings Color Plates THEN Come down and see our new equipment and be convinced of the advantages of having your engravings made in the Twin Cites. Finest equipment in the state outside Chicago. ' Champaign Illinois ^ ^ I F. H.TIioriie SCHOOL OF DANCING Classes Open Tuesday Night, Oct 5 Private Lessons by Appointment Telephones Bell 1518 Automatic 1365 I If You Are in Search of a Distinctive Suit for Fall, Order it from "MARSHALL" Anderson of Chicago is the Tailor — 400styles to select from. We have the Model Form showing how the suit looks made up. Fit and workmanship guaranteed. Price $16.50 to $40.00 "Al ways Something New in Nifty Furnishings^ ' Fred G. Marshall Bradley Arcade Opp. Library nrhe Alamo The Home of Good Things to Eat Open All the Time Meal Tickets, $5.00 for $4.50 I. D. Stuart Bradley Arcade YOU JUST YOU Will alwa\sfind just what you want in the Re- freshment line and the way you want it at the Arcade Confectionery /^r^^-^^^^-^ JAMES THORNHILL ^ PROPRIETOR DOWN-TOWN STORE "The Home of the Chocolate Boston" HIGH STANDARD P LA C E S .A. 'R. O -A. ID BILLIARDS AND POCKET BILLIARDS THE GENTLEMAN'S GAMES They are games that require a steady nerve, a quick eye, an active bran and sound judgment. They bring out ihe best there is in a man. Such games are not only restfu' — a recreation, but are upbuilding in character; they develop the senses, of fair play, accuracy of sight, and quickness of decision. We cater only lo gentlemen. Our parlor is light, airy, clean, well kept. No improper language Is heard; no improper conduct is allowed. Nothing objectionab'e can be found. Our tables, the Brunswick-Balke-CoUender Co., (the world's standard) balls, cues and all equipment, are the best made and are kept in first class condition. On these claims and statements we base our solicitation of your patronage. We assure you a cordial reception, and will in every posible way en leaver to make your visits pleasant. Why not meet your friends and play a game tonight at ARCADE BILLIARD PARLORS DEWEY NEWMAN, Prop. BRADLEY ARCADE Shoes Repaired— One Day SERVICE HARRY R. LaSELL First Door North of Boneyard Wright Street Champaign When You're Hungry EAT Take a seat in a big arm chair AT Ostrand*s Delicatessen Sandwiches, Home-Made Pies and Pas- tries; Fruits and Candies. "Fill-up" is right. It's easy at Ostrand's. 3id. Street between Green and the Park Your Eyes Trouble You? Get a pair of "EVER-LOCT" A truly wonderful invention to glass wearers. No getting loose lenses; no screws to tighten; always ready. Come and let us show you the "EVERLOCK" mountings for eye glasses and spectacles. No obligation to buy Wuesteman Optician and Jeweler "The Hallmark Store" Champaign, 111. Girls, Attention— We invite you to inspect the choicest selection of Fall Millinery in the Twin Cities. McWilliams & Qleim 71 N. Neil St. Champaign T YRIC THEATRp J— ^ CHAMPAIGN'S QUALITY HOUSE 1— ^ Presenting A High Class Feature Programme CHanged Daily Keep Your Eye on tHe Lyric MONDAY, OCT. 4 THEDA B A R A MATINEE SHOWS 2:00 P. M. 3:00 P. M. 4:20 P. M. Admission 10c Coming': The Best Attractions Greatest Stage Stars 7:00 p. M.( NIGHT 8:10 P. mJ „„«,..,c, 9:20 P, W. I SHOWS "Can I get off today, boss?" "What for?" "A weddin'." "Do you have to go?" "I'd like to, sir — I'm the bridegroom."— Widow. An old fellow named Dr. Bell Was always so happy to tell That his town was dry; — Till some brazen guy Said, "Isn't it queer. So is Hell."— Froth. Some of the Touring Cars, Limousines and Taxicabs of The Chester Transfer Company ON THE WAY DOWN TOWN IN CHAMPAIGN If it's something to Eat You Want, Call Us Up— We Have It Poultry, Butter, Eggs and Cheese Wholesale Get Our Prices for Banquets, Dinners etc. J. F. Webster 6w Co. Grant Friedrich, Pres, O. B. Flatt, Sec. and Treas. Bell 305 Auto 1536 When You Travel, Take the — lilinois Traction System (McKinley Lines) Clean, Comfortable, Frequent, Convenient Safe Automatic Block Signals Protect All Train Movements. When you go home, ride the "Road Of Good Service" Arabella — "Aren't you going to slow down during lent?" Zobeide — "Yes, I'm going to fast." Arabella — "I know, that's why I asked. " — Sun Dial. D D S D D Useless waste — Two pretty girls kissing each other. — Sun Dial. D D S D D "Oh, dear, I have to learn to swim this summer." "I rhought George taught you to swim?" But I am no longer engaged to George." — Awgwan. Palmer Brothers Distributors of Kaiser Inn and Riteway Canned Goods. Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Always on Hand Both Phones 202 W. Main Urbana, 111. Bell 232 Auto 1611 Chicago Market Co. Quality Meats, Lowest Prices, Full Weight Auto delivery service to any part of the Twin Cities. Special rates to Fraternities, Sororities and Clubs. O' Byrne Transfer and Storage Co. riione US if yoxi have baggaj^e or freiiiht to lie liaiih'd. Let us handle vonr furnitiire for dances OPPOSITE I. C. DEPOT I '.ell 1*82 Auto Kill We Carry a Special Line of Student's Electrical Specialties The Ideal Electric Company Auto Phone 1013 Bell Phone 1998 WHERE TO SEE QUALITY PHOTOPLAYS Urbana's Premier Photo-Play Theatre .... North Market Street, Urban a, lU. We are prepared to handle banquets of any size. We have new equipment which adds to our table service. We take personal direction over the service to please >ou. We pride ourselves on tne effect of our work. (jl When you want something EXTRA SWELL in a banquet in honor of some particular event, let us figure with you. You know of course the more money you put into a ban- quet, the more pleasure and pride you get out of it, and of course the more expense, we are enabled to go to. We are always open to suggestions. Tell us what you think, it won't hurt our feelings. Hotel Beardsley The Beardsley Hotel Company, Props. "Cigars" That's Me Illinois Billiard Hall C. E. Cavanaugh, Manager 308310 Hickory Court Boy — "I want to get a chicken." Butcher — "Want a pullet?" Boy — "No, you nut, I want to carry it."- -Lampoon. There was a young lady named Kelley, Who loved ginger cookies and jelly; When she'd eaten a peck. She would pace up the deck, With her pretty white hands on her Shelley. — Frotch. BELL 1584 BELL 1585 AUTO 1219 111 S. NEIL ST. Roberts & Grant Wholesale and Retail MEATS Quality Service Price Consides these important items when placing your order We tal' '° ''^'^« ">at feeling ■" 'ng bnioki;d too much." iparette ^ ^/.i^ ^.d£b. ^7^:6.;^ A Sensible Cigarette 11 The White and Gold Confectionery Urbana We cordially invite the students of Illinois to visit our clean and up to the-minute "Home of the Finest Sweets" Dainty Luncheons Served Souder Cares for the Clothes You Care for NCE in a while you get a garment that par- ticularly fits-in with your personality so you hate to give it up. Souder can prolong the life of a garment unbelievably. There's only one way to find this out! L B. SOUDER CLEANING -DYEING -PRESSING Right in Champaign Wall Paper Paints Painters' Supplies Window Glass Decorators Bacon Brothers 107-109 N. Walnut Street Champaign Slie"AVhat do you suppose I did when father told me you were here?" He — "Oh, suppose you colored up a bit. " She — "Sir ! " — Wiido w. D n s n n See them greet the great Dean with a light careless mien — "The chorus at the Winter Garden is fine iin this play." "What do they pull off?" "All but a very little." — Tiger. The ^ Soft Water Laundry A. A. Nyberg Bell Phone 880 Auto 4506 125 N. Race St. Urbana Student Crumb Shelf Imported Swiss Cheese, Limberger, Home Made Pimentos Cheese Sand- wiches, 5c. Hamburger, Sausage, Wien- erwurst, Bacon, Ham, Egg Sandwiches, 5c. One taste invites another. L. D. BUCK 506 E. Green Frame the Pictures for Your Room. They Look Better and Last Better. Strauch Photo-Craft House "THE GIFT SHOP" Opposite the President's Campus Home Stoltey's Grocery 105-107 East University Ave. Auto Phone 1214 Bell Phone 1199 T ESEURE'S Smoke Haven has been the J — V gathering place of the clan ever since the firs of the old guard showed up for registration. At Leseure's foregather the dopesters of track and field, the politician, the sharks who chase the wary cue ball and the Mexican artists who, with a chew of Piper and a Camel , can give you information on the world at large. Coal up and steam in — there's not a worry mine in the harbor and the only sign of war is the little argument that is going on between a case of Eng- lish smoking tobacco and some German snuff! ! Leseure's Smoke Haven Right on Green Street Zom's duds from hats to socks are the dernier- est of dernier oris. They have pep and class and durability. Garbed therein you can make the heart of the fairest pledge just palp one palpi- tation and take the count. — l)onestly now, Louise, was it me that you fell for or that sea-green pink cray- vat 1 wore the day of first "open house?" Zom. Duds for the Tribe Announcement FRANK Mb AD, foimerly of the firm of Harris & Mead, will open his new confectionery in the Ham- ilton Building (old Walker Opera House site) about October 10th. In connection with the regular lines of confections Mr. Mead will serve breakfasts and light lunches. His ice cream, pastries, and candies will all be "own make." "Perfection in Confection" Ofleia^ ^ T M B jLjk tt E« Perplexities Arrival and perplexities, Go hand in hand, for when, A fellow comes to Illinois He meets all grades of men. No longer is he sheltered, By parents' watchful care, Temptations come by hundreds. And each one has its snare. Fraternities may bid him. And he has no means to know, Just which of them is best. Or if what they say is so. Responsibility come too, He must alone decide, When pleasure beckons him to "come, And duty bids him "bide." In fact a thousand questions. Must be answered by a man. Questions which have worried men. Since time and earth began. His character and life, Will be moulded by the way. He answers all the questions. That confront him every day. 15 Ta^ — Q - 'S-UUyj , "Bet I know where you got that necktie." "Five bucks says you don't." "Around your neck, you boob.'' D D S D D ADVISING THE FEOSH A Septeivilicr tragedy presented at least once annually at every university, Inisiness col- lej>e, boardinj; and correspondence school. Caste : One Y. ]\r. C. A. president Five or six seniors with plenty of Ford jokes A dean or two Every jircacher in town Student ])oliticians, etc. Dirccfiiiits for prnduciiii/ : Any particular place will do. It may be some auditorium or any ])]ace (•f)nvt'niently locatcfl sn tliat it can- not he avoided. Herd a hnncli af freshmen to- gether and drive tliem down a rweiviuii; line. Yank their arms out of joint and tell tliem how tickled you are to f>aze upon their verdant younji' countenances. Ask them if they live in Urbana, Piano, or some other seaport. If they say yes, ask them if they are ai(|iminted with Susie ^[cKimjison, who lived there before she •v\-ent to rilinois AYoman's college back in 1910. Next, shf)ve them into an auditorium or any comiiartment for holdinj>' more people than Na- ture evei- intended it should liold and draji foi'th a prominent senior or so to sil on the platform. Tell several jokes about Pat and Mike, one of whom would be a hod-carrier. After the audi- ence from tin- provinces has autfawed politely at ]ileasantries from year before la.st's Ladies* TTfime Journal, drai;' out ycuir siieakers. P.e sure to have all word-slinfrers, when lookini;' over the andienci', reminded of tlie story about the little boy who wouldn't say l>is prayers. When all anticipatory f;iirjiles subside, bciiiu on tlie ridvice iiropei'. l>e sure to avoid the Orpheum on Aveek nights, the south campus after dark. History 3, wom- en, the library. Study as much as your in- structors think you should. Shun as you would small])ox cigarettes, poker chips, and red liquor. After all this fatherly council has been assim- ilated by your victims, sling them each a hunk of oinerbread . or a doughnut and send them home. Don't give them too much gingerbread. If they get sick of it, what will smoker com- mittees do foi- patronage in the years which are to come Then turn off the lights and wait until next year, after which the program should ]iroceed as alxne without a single variation. PLEASANT DREAMS Room — Vou must have been dreaming last night that someone was asking you it you'd like to have a drink. Mate — Why suppose that? Room — Why, you must have cried out a hundred times, "Yes, yes, yes." CAN'T BITE Poor — I pity those poor old fellows around here; none of them have any teeth left. House — Well, they all have a soft snap. GONE BUT NOT FORGOT | With tears we fondly gaze, On dear old Lover's Lane — We see its doom, There's too much room, It's now Beau BrummCI's bane. As In the days of yore We have no good excuse, To snuggle near, J To call her dear — The walk's too wide for use. f The atmosphere of romance Has passed from this old place — The modern walks, The modern talks. Have set a different pace. HANDLING REAL ESTATE Eilitor-iii-Cliicf B II sin efts Mtutducr 'WIS Elliott S. .Millku V\\\. I). Amsi'.auy Assoiiate Edifar lliHiKR Hill Art Editor C A. Klein . I (Ircrtisi)!!/ Maiia(/er A. ^I. kiKCHEU ( 'irciildl iiiii MiniiKjt r ¥. i\ NoKi.ix .^. II. Tkkxok V. N. Clakk STAFF riiiLLip CoRi'ER A. A. Daii.ey Sa.mi'son Raphaelsox I'ahlls-l/rd iiinufhli/ In/ the -stiideiits of the I'liirrrsil if of Iltii'ois diiriiKj the cotlfi/i' i/air. Entered: 08 Ea-tt (Ireen Street, Cliampaign. Contribu- tions either art or literary should b& sent to Elli
. The idea of nine months of study was liai'dl.\ a cheerful thcMiglit, and perhaps we began to think of Ihe other things we'd do. Perhaps by the time Ave reacheil e his. He dreams of the day when he shall own a great stone castle, ^ the green terraced lawn sweeping away to the dark of the trees beyond. He dreams of tlie great sombre rooms Mith the softened sunlight from the leaded windows coloring the heavy oriental rugs. In his fancy he lounges in the steamei' chair on a great Mediterranean Un.'r. The soft southern night is about him, the moon shown "round above the endless goldwashed water. But four years of study,, with its troubles and reverses, and the fancies of his dreams may fade. He may see the wono as it is, a world not of pleas- ure alone, but of work and pain. The castles and treasures of his hopes are laid aside as dreams, jdeasant dreams, Init still just dreams. He learns that day by day he has a certain task. His little place in this big world is just tiiat little ta.sk. The Siren nnist needs make acknowledgments for contributions in this issue to the following men: F. H. McElvain, A. S. Van Deusen, J. F. Bailey, Sterling Nichols, S. D. Harwood, J. K. Barber. J. H. Bell, K. H. Thompson, and H. .M. I'age. The assistants on the business staff have been : (". il. Ettinger, I. L. Lummis, I*. W. Patton ;n)d B. \Aare. 19 l^lltK, A BARE LIVING AND STRUGGLING FOR EXISTENCE D D S D D BACK AGAIN Clamorous spielers having fits Eagerly chasing the students' jits They meet you, Browbeat you. Frighten, Brobeat you. Yelling Transfer, and baggage, and Taxi — to bits. Crying Hey, Crying Wow, Take that trunk up right now. Right this way. No delay: Got to have it today. Glad you're back — Here's a hack. Take you right to your shack. Looks, Gladys, There's Nell. Betas got her! Oh, Hell. There's a dream of a hat. Oh, my dear! It's too flat. D n s n D PLACE OF HONOR "Yes, Jones is a prominent member of our fraternity." "What's his official capacity?" "Oh, se\ era! gallons." NO PESSIMIST Oh. I went up to a brewery horse. And smelled of his breath — Which got me pickled as a lord, And nearly caused my deatn. I zigzagged up a slippery street. And did a corkscrew turn — Landed straightway on my bun, Which caused me no concern. My coat I hung upon the air, My shces I used for steins — A fellow took me to his house. Where everyone pays fines. When I woke up next morning, The bars stared straight at me — But 'cause they were perpendicular I was happy as could be. n D S D D POOR SHOW Ethel — How did you eujoy the show with Frank last night? Mabel — Horrid. His car was being repaired and we took the street car. n n s n D "Button your vest." "But I'm dressed in extreme style." 29 Why is a Ford like a bath tub?" '"Cause no one likes to be seen in one.' n n s D n HORSE'S NECK Vet. Science Prof. — "What is the main i)ait (if a liorse Student- "Wliy, the hair on liis neck." D D S D D A FALL ANTHEM 'Tis the call of the obtected oyster A-cryIng aloud to Its mate. It's a blithsome appeal for with horse-radish squeal, See them joyously osculate. List — the voice of the first sweet potato As it voices its voiceless debut, Hear it merrily ?ing as it soars on the wino While the straw Kelley bids us adieu. CHORUS (tenderly with expression Oh, it's FALL, it's Fall In truth, Yea, AUTUMNAL Fall forsooth. And we're back again to glean a few more gleans. Of these socioloQic murders. Of these agronomic herders. Or these graphic static girders That are sapping out our youth. Second verse, same song. Vamp till voice, "You can't get away from it, You can't get away from it." (all ready, go.) Note the influx of influxinn freshmen. As carefree as babes at their play. See them greet the great Dean with a light careless mien — Never mind, that will soon pass away. And out on the green grassy gridiron A-groveling the granular ground Like Vikings of yore in their hand to hand war The footballers football around. CHORUS (swelling with passion) Yes, it's FALL, it's Fall In truth. E'en AUTUMNAL Fall forsooth, And we're back again to bask a bit once more. In the light of co-ed glances. In the round of college dances. And riparian romances That are making bright our youth. n D s D D POOR FELLOW Sick Man — It doesn't make much difference whether I die now or not. Doctor — Why, my p;ood man, why not? Sick Man — Well, I must owe you several hundred dollars by now, and I'll be in the hole, anyway. n D s n n SUMMER RECOLLECTIONS Har — Howwasurdate ? Old — Scrappy. She wanted me to stop kissing her, so we compromised. Har— How's that? Old — She kissed me. n D s D n RATHER AGED Cy — Does "Passed B. C." after a joke mean "passed hy Board of Censors?" Russ — Not always — sometimes it means "passed around B. C. [1 --I s n n WHISKERS Betty — Why. Tom. what an awful beard you have; why didn't you shave tonight. I can't go out with you that way. Tom (who had wailed an interminable time for her to finish dressing) — I know. Betty, but when I arrived I was clean shaven. MELODR.AMft STUFF fOR. FR.OSM ftUOIE.NCt A r&ONtYARO OUGHT TO Btl IjgE- TTY tilGH NOVJ J f YEP AND N\UDDY TOO 1 T fl-I JB 5 I a E n r' p ^ POOR KID Each freshman's pride and vanity, Is as great as ii can be, But then that's not remarkable, For wi?en freshmen. — so were we. And wlien he happens first to see. The green and ugly lid. That for a year he has to wear, He's sure a gloomy kid. He has to buy one, so he does. And to his room retreats. Before the glass he gazes li^ug. And then he sadly bleats. "I can not wear the bloomin' thing, I look just like an ass. And every one will laugh at me. Yes, every one I pass." But cheer up, gentle freshman. It may look queer to you. But every c'ass before you, aear. Has worn the green cap, too. We've seen it marching up and down. For many a college year. And really it looks good to us. To you alone its queer. And everybody's busy here, With pleasure and with books. And no one cares an awful lot, Ju.'^t how one freshman looks. HAD LOTS OF THAT Student — Gimme a string to hold all these registra- tion documents together with, will you? Registration Clerk — We aren't allowed to give string away. Student — Gimme some red tape, then. D a s D D JUST THE MAN Senioi — Now that you are pledged to our fraternity, what can do do? We want all the f raters to be in student activities, you know. Freshman (Hopelessly) — I can't do a thing. Senior — Fine! Then we'll send you out for class pol- itics. To'oX Boll 5cKoduU ' Moske.ll Indions | Ro Iq vSchool OK lO State Nor tK v^esterrx Ml nr\ a s Ct a W, scon SI r\ Ch 0030 r^ ^,;'v< y^i^ 1^0^ HEAP MUCH SCALP □qddi ^riTJJON DOLLAK VACATIONS Did von ever liear the feliovs l> !1 nlioiit tlie nights tliev spent nt ] lionie, (luriiii; tlie snmmov, or liow I they eleaned out tlie cellar, or Aviped j dishes, visited with o;randr.u>ther, i hustled parkins boxes for the ship- ' pins department of some firm or swept ont the otirtee? No von didn't. Every moment Avas snent in tlie most hilarions caronsins, vondcr- fnl lionse iiarties, travel. lon;r trips in ibe ear, or deep in the emhraee of some most heantifnl fen^ale. "Hello, Bill, ]\n\y are yon. an\- way? Sav. didn't T see yon ont at tlic ^Iidw;\v r.aj'dens this snmmer?'' "I ■W'onldn't he snrprised. Was ont there in tlie car a lot. New Rtntz, yon know. Pnt on some awf'nl parties -with the siano- ^p home." 'Talk abont parties, say the folks were away for a month — ont on the coast, stayed \^iih the Caslletons. the bis Frisco importers, yon know — and I had the honse to mvself. Sent t';o scrv- uits awav for a week, bntler and all. Pay. there nnist have been a thonsand chani))asne corks on the billiard room floor, new billiard and lonns- ins room on the tliird floor, yon know. (Jarave fnll of bottles, too." "Snre, wish T conid have .seen ycHi this snm- mer. AA'as np your way a nnmber of times. Spent a conple of weeks at the Peni- brookes, — liis railroad man in the New York Central. _ I'.is honse party. Crnised for a week to Mackinac in tlu^ir yatch. I'is two hundred foot steam vacht, von know. Sav, von slionld have seen the s'l'l they had for me. Dai'k, wonderfnl fisiire, big linnxii eyes, and dance, say she Wjs till' most wonderfnl dancer I evei- sa\\ ." "Dancer. Say, I met the finest little dancer in the world. Was down in New York with Dad, yon know, bis steel deal lie was interested in. Jfet the sii'l at a comins nce man. von know.. Flai: n snecial Snnbeam, Fnslish car. ov(>r a hnndied horse power. i-n-,>i-. AVe made some awful time in it when we were no state. Toured to Bnlfalo. Fncle wns seeins about a bis war risk contract with Bufi'alo peojile." "Snv(. linted to come back, didn't you"? T5is d'licc UP home tonifht, out at the Gonntrv (dub. Would I'Mve sone with the finest lookiin:',oir] in town. Banker's daushter, wonderfnl faniilv. most lieantifnl sirl T ever saw. (Yawn.) >Say. I'm hunsrv. let's so down to tl¥^ crumb shelf'for a s-ind\vich." "Aw risht. Got a Gamel?" Obta'ininq th*. Po I i s K 0^ a College Man THE WAY IT USED TO BE OH! MRS. MURPHY Mrs. Flannigan — Sure, 1 just got a letter from Bar- ney, sa.vin' he would be home tomorrow; he got a month off for good behavior. Mr.'!. Murphy — A month off fer good behavior, is it? Faith, and that's a lad to be proud of. GOING TO WASTE HERE, TOO Old Maid— Isn't the waste of humanity awful in Europe? Second Old Maid— Yes, but think of all the bachelors in thi.d to ^v^^' was that other johs might ])(' a cinch hnt this IStage Pa.ue job isn't hecanse on this jol> we have to fill the space with real thons>ht we can't stall like some people we know we can't pntter and flob-dahlile and flim-flam and and iiad anii and a^^similated them and then we thought and tlionght and thought and then we wi-ote never yet ha\'e we failed we always made our readers crinkle their brows not tlieir noses this is a daring article far ahead of this generation few have the inherent talents to ajjpreciate it have yon got a match? i^. S:\riLES. 27 WHO PAYS?— OR WAITI D D s JUST COURTESY Scribe— Notice that my jokes in tliis issue appear be- fore your pictures, don't you. Artist — Age before beauty, you know. TOO LATE Brown — \Vli;it did my wife have on at the opera last night? Smith — By George, I couldn't say, — I didn't look up at her box until after she had sat down. AN HOUR WITH A RUSHEE ."Sr.lO P. yi. Victim enters Pi I house. Pi I In-other ( puttinp; arm aronnd victim's neokl — "AAvfully slad to see yon,, old fellow" 2nfl Pi I — 'Tiimme vonr hat." ^(\ Pi I — "Gimme .von rain coat.'' 4th Pi T — "(limme your snit case." ;")th Pi T "Have a cigarette." (Victim accepts ^[ecca and mnmltles j?reet- ins dnriiiii thirtv consecutive introductions.) (;tl, i>i I— >'Sit down." 7th Pi I — "Plav the piano " 8th Pi T — "Do anythino- in athletics?" f»th Pi T — "Plav mandolin or sinetter have some more, there's lots in the kitchen." K)n inquirv it appears the soup is all sone, and the meat course is broug;ht in.) 17th Pi I (■ passing; dinner plate to victim) — "Keep it yourself.'' Chorus of Pi I's— "Ves, keep it yourself." (All heinji' served, business of eating pro- ceeds Avith great gusto.) 18th Pi T — "Have some more food." inth Pi T — "Aw, have some more." 18th, 19th and 20th (choms) —"Don't .vou reallv want any more?" 21st Pi T-"Well, have a cigarette." (Offer- ijig "Camel.'') CVictim declines and takes P. ^f. from pock- et ) 22nd Pi I— "Let's sing." Words to the song were something about tlie "earth breaking asunder,'' and the "mountains falling with thunder," before dear Pi I should <*ease to exist. Love of Pi T beaming from ev- ery face,, they escort the victim from the din- ing room. After showing him a few card tricks and the pictures of their athletes on the wall, they tell him about their big men. All the i*i I's are informed in turn that they are wanted on the phone, ,and a mysterious atmiospherc pervades the room,, broken by whisperings among detached groups. Four or five are then seen in the comer arguing with a fifth. Argu- ment is fruitless, and everybody yawns and says something al)Out going to bed. The victim is assiste ^1 E/-ie/Ms . "I carried bricks last summer to keep in condition; what did you do?" "I had a job opening and closing Pullman car win- dows." PLUGGING n D S D D RUGS SWEPT AWAY Car— "Some one broke in the Peak Kay hou.se. last summer and made a clean sweep of their rugs." Pets— "That was tough, wasn't it?" Car — '"^'es, kinda rugged." D D s n □ HOW ABOUT RHETORIC? Advisor— "But why do you insist on four liours in English?" I'nhyphenated — "Why — my German course is four hours, and I am striiving to follow the President's advice about neutrality." D n S D D GREAT DISASTER lye— "Did you hear about the big fire up at Swearin- gen's shoe store?" Bite — "No, is that a fact? Much damage done?" lye— "I should say there was. Must have been a thotisand soles lost." D n s n n OVERLOOKED The English papers all accuse Germany of being a low down, deceitful, lying country, but they should bear in mind that peaceful little Holland is a low lying coun- try, too. WATCH THIS PAGE DANCING CLUB DATES watch this page Gridiron Crystal Onyx College Grange and Blue Oct. 2— Bradley Oct. 9— College Sept. 25— College Nov. 13— Bradley Oct. 16— College Dec. Ifi— College Jan. 22— College Oct. 23— Bradley Jan. 29— College Nov. 6— College Jan. 15— College MAKE YOUR DATES EARLY Jan. 8— College Varsity — Oct. 2— College Oct. 30— College Dec. 1 1— College The Masonic Temple at Champaign still has a few desirable dates open for this season. We will be glad at any time to show you our facilities for entertaining, and refer you to those who have used them. Telephone, call on or write, Bon L. Kirk, Secretary, First National Bank Bldg., Champaign, 111. The Northwestern Mutual Lite Insurance Co. of Milwaukee, Wisconsin extends a hearty welcome to our old policy-holders who return to the University. To those com- nig for the first time, the District Office is constantly at your service. Notify us of your change of address in order that the information may be filed. Phil Armour will remain with us this year as a full fledged insurance man (and he is a good one): He will have an office over Zombro, and will be glad to see all his old friends there, and a lot of new ones. John W. Freels will be directly associated with the District Office and he knows Northwest- ern policies all the way through. For the benefit of new comers we wish to say that for eight years the present District Agent has enjoyed the confidence and business of both Faculty and Students. Every obligation we have ever made has been promptly met and our service is of advantage to you. If the Doctor says you are a good risk, we will get you the best policy to be had. First National Bank Bldg. p. R. SMEDLEY, DlstriCt AgBIlt Champaign, Illinois Men Who Roll Their Own Cigarettes know the importance of using the best "papers" obtainable. " They know that Riz La Croix cigarette papers are the best that money can buy — famous the world over for superior quality that never fails to give the greatest satisfaction. RIZ LA * (Pronounced: REE-LAH-iCROY) FAMOUS CIGARETTE PAPERS Your favorite tobacco is easily rolled in"-? round, firm cigarettes with Riz La Croix papers. Cigarettes that hold their shape, draw well and give you a fine flavor, free from the slightest paper-taste. The lightness, thinness, natural adhesive- ness and perfect combustion of Riz La Croix gua -antee these desirable properties. Made from the best flax-linen — a pure vegetable product— Riz La Croix insures healthful enjoyment Two interesting illustrated Booklets — one about RIZ LA CROIX Cigarette Papers, the other wing how to Roll Your Own" rigarettes — sent any\vhere in U.S. on request. Address The American Tobacco Company, Room 1401, 111 Fifth Ave., New York. No, Philburt, I am not a-arguing with you. Fin just a-telling you — when you want a 7'cal smoke, get behind a pipeful of Tuxedo and watch all the big and little Worries that have been a-besieging you evacuate their trenches and make a rushin' advance to the rear. Those fragrant whiffs of "Tux" make them feel too joyful — no self-respecting Worry can stand for that. The Perfect Tobacco for Pipe and Cigarette FRITZ KRKISLKR Workl-lamovis \ iolinist "/ Aow ctrlainlu found in Tuxi Iht nnr end otilu (obatco that measu up to all mv rfQttircmtrh, rich tn f la- granit. aiuays cool innik'tig and so mild thai I can smoke pipeful after fiiptjul uta sitting." The combination of the best smoking-tobacco leaf in the world and the best method ever dis- covered for refining and mellowing tobacco 7 puts Tuxedo in a class by itself. Kentucky's ripest, mildest Burley leaf, when treated by the origiiial "Tuxedo Process" looses every trace of bite — develops a wonderfully pleasing fragrance and flavor that are not found in any other tobacco. No other manufacturer knows the "Tuxedo Process"; that's why no imitator ever equals Tuxedo! YOU CAN BUY TUXEDO EVERYWHERE 5c Famous green tin with gold I /^^-» Convenient, glassine wrapped, moisturc-p'-oof pouch . . OCJ lettering, curved to fit pocket Jn Tin Humidors, 40c and 80c In Glass Humidors, 50c and 90c THF. AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY Those famous luncheons are again being served at (][ A regular hot noon-day luncheon consisting of deHcious, clean, well-cooked foods at reasonable prices. (J A special Sunday evening luncheon will be serv- ed, every Sunday at 6. 8^ WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO PLEASE YOU New Name For La Vogues We have changed the name of our famous chocolates to 1^ &tooclai^ Typifying Illinois (H At 60c the pound — these are the best candy bar- gain in America. D. E. Harris 608 East Green Street Champaign, Illinois Everything You Want Try Our Text Books Souvenirs Photo Goods Artists' C ,. Athletic Supplies at ILOYDES Rental Service of Pianos and Typewriters 606 E. Green Street and 7 Main Street First University Bank LOY Depository Illinois Trust & Savings Co. Banking Room in University Store 606 E. Green St., Champaign, 111. 1 1-2 per cent T> /^ Checking A ^^,^--,-»4.^ 3 per cent X^AID VJn Savings iTLCCOUIltS THE UNIVERSITY DRUG STORE B. E. SPALDING PROPRIETOR Sundries, Toilet Articles, Golf Clubs and Golf Balls. 6th. & Green St. Champaign, Hlinois Who does your Shoe Repairing? I have mine done at Bert's Place On Wright Street 'Try Him" 'Id — "I want !^ome winter underwear." Clerk — "How long?" '10 — "You boob, I don't want lO rent 'em; I w.iul to buy 'ini. — Tiger. Profane Willie — "Mama, when I die 1 don't want to go to iieaven." Willie's Mama — "Why not, William?" Profane Willie — "There won't be a damned soul there." — Gargoyde. Those Registered in Orpheum I, II, III, IV Please Take Note — Hoyt's Magnificent Musical Spectacle "A Dream of the Orient" is the "Big Time" Feature of the Orpheum bill for the three days beginning October 4 LA PETITE REVUE, with their great tabloid "THE NIGHT CLERK" "A Ziegfield Follies at Popular Prices" October 7th, 8th and 9ih ^^m ^^^^^5 Daily Matinee at 3:00 o'clock- 10, 20c. 2 shows at night, 7:30, 9:00 o'clock, 15, 30c. Mezzanine Loges for Theatre Parties. Ben Phone 895 Do You Know Under What Conditions Your Laundry Is Done? Do you send your work to an American steam laundry? HAV^E you ever visited a Steam Laundry? AVE you ever had an invitation to visit a Hand Laundry? Accept both invitations. We are always glad to show ycu how we do our work. Knowing when we can show you the method we use, we can convince you that you should send your Liundry to a modern equipped steam laundry, who uses soap and water to cleanse your clothes. We have one and solicit a portion of your business. Yours truly. Champaign Steam Laundry Opposite Interurban Station "My, what an offal smell," said the maid as she jammed the top on tlie g^bage can. — Pelican. Launcelot — "Do you rag?" Edythe — "Chew or dance?" — Chaparrol. Dora — "Jack just insulted me terribly. He called me a foul name." Florv- Why the idea. What did he call you?" Dora — "A chiclien." — Penn State Froth. tit Mill Imv il of T. 11. ('raiji vuii know it is ri-ht) Eyes Tested Glasses Fitted We do k'lis j;riu(liii.<>- and can replace broken lenses in abont one iionr's time Just save the broken i)ieces or brint;- y(mr ]iies(ri|ition in. AVe are experts in our line and can uive you llie best of serviee. If you need .ula.sses we can lit yon. T. H. Craig optometrist Kstabiislicd 1S!)rst class, we handle raa:i orders with particular promptness, and our repu- tation for reliability and square dealng is unquestioned. Prices? Ask us. Indianapolis En^ravin^ and Eleclrotypin^ Company Wulsiu Building, Indianapolis, Indiana 37 If you are in doubt about Clothes, find the store unmatch- ed in II82 miles radius o o Co o o 05 Jos. Kuhn & Co. Father and Son Which is which? 33-35-37 Main S Champaign Soitrtti Sninil (Elotln The Answer Buy Twin City Creamery BUTTER From Your Grocer SLolLeu's Garao© The Gray Taxis, Limousines, Touring" Cars Bell 187 OPEN DAY and NIGHT au.o 1543 Miss Ray L. Bowman Experienced Jeweler Watch and Jewelry Repairing, Engraving Diamonds Reset All Work Guaranteed Temporary location, (since fire) Reliable Plumbing & Heating Co., across from Inter- urban Station and Inman Hotel, Champaign The PARK Champaign's Most Beautiful and Up-to-Date Theatre Coming: MARY PICKFORD MARGUERITE CLARK JOHN BARRYMORE ELSiE JANIS An d Scores of Famous Artists TAKE COMFORT AND SAFETY WITH YOUR PICTURES Victrolas AND Records Picture Framing Our Stock of Victor Records is excep- tionally good. Phone us your orders. Whitman Candies — Just Phone LESLIE'S DRUG STORE Urbana Illinois "Pretty maid, Windy day. Skirt is slit, About lialt way." "Student bold. Passing by. Dammit all. Dust in eye." — Froth. Cateiins to Those Who Appreciate The Best in Photography Phone .Main 35 38 N. Neil St. Champaign, 111. 39 •M U Master-Six Torpedo-*2400 It is easy to drive; has a large steering wheel. It sticks close to the road and does not whip about. It is a car that is different. There won't be another car like it on the Campus — unless it is another Chalmers Master-Six Torpedo. Deep bucket seats. Single door on each side of body — something different. Passage-way between front seats — easy to get in and easy to get out. Center control. Left hand drive. Tires — 36" x 4" all around. Nobby treads on rear wheels. Wire wheels instead of wood for ^80 additional. Very complete equipment. No extras to buy. Qialmers Motor Compang Detroit, Mich., U. S. A. 'Le/ ^our next car he a Chalmers" Chalmers The Classiest Car on the Campus —not only that — the best" THE Chalmers Master-Six Torpedo, on account of its length and unusual body design, is decidedly racy, smart and foreign in appearance. It is fast. The motor is big and very powerful — develops over 70 H. P. It will stand a terrific amount of hard handling. TV^XOW tlic jovof a Bradley Sweater Coat. There's AV ]io better time than \\ liile in collej^e to get the utmost henetit from a Bradley. It's the sweater you'll bring back each year — the sweater you'll cherish throuijhout your course and for years after as your fondest possession. For the longer and harder you wear your Bradley, the more you appreciate its fine mak- ing, sturdy shape and .style, and warm, companionable comfort. All styles, all weights, all prices. For sale by most good dealers Free style book on request. BRADLEY KNITTING CO., Delavan. Wis. CITIZENS STATE BANK "Appreciates Your Patronage." NEIL STREET CHAMPAIGN He — Is .she a good dancer? She — Not scrupulously. — Pelican. n D s n D A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY "Aha," the villain cried, "at last I see through you!" The heroine wept, "Then I am indeed undone." — Jack O'Lantern. D D S D D "Is she the kind of girl you can give your name to?" "Oh. certainly — but not your right name!" — Yale Record. Better Bakery Goods than any in the Twin Cities. A broad statement but we can prove it. W. A. JONES Wholesale and Retail 123 N. Race St. Bell Phone 2331 Urbana, 111. Univers ty Business a Specialty Colvin's Meat Market Auto Phone 4147 Auto Phone 4337 Bell Phone 186 204 W. Main St. Urbana When you think of photographs you naturally think of the Photo Art Shop Co-Op Building SecoDd Floor THE COLLEGE TALK 1st Natl. Bank Bldg. Hoover's Barber Shop Patronize O. E. SHOBE & CO. The Transfer and Livery People. Baggage Line in Connection. We Cater to Students. Opposite Fire De- partment. URBANA How Abou t That Suit? Get it pressed at Woo di e's Place A $1 ticket lets you have 4 suits pressed and 10 shoe shines in 1 month. Suits Called for and Delivered Bell 1505 Auto 2171 Padlocks Before buying see our line of Corbin, Yale & No Key Pad- locks. Prices Reasonable. John H. Doyle 28 Main Street Willis Jitillinerp Is characterized hy an indefinable grace and beauty of line — a touch of the ex- quisite in the application of garniture — giving original interpretation to the prevailing fall modes. Hundreds of beautiful hats are now ready and are popularly priced. CHAMPAIGN 0. C. WILLIS ILLINOIS I Say! Get your typewriter yet? You'll have to get one sooner or later — why not sooner? Better come in now and rent a good, clean, dependable machine — any make you like. Or, why not buy yourself one of those typewriter bargains 1 have been telling about. Sam'i Abrams ■'The Typewriter Man" 612 E. Green St. Champaign IJOSS sense don't come in the ^ * colt stage any more than tobacco mildness comes in the raw product. Age -mellowing is best for man an' tobacco. lOc Tins \TATURE alone can bring •*■ ^ tobacco to its full, hearty maturity. And only in her own way, by time. VELVET is the best Kentucky Burley leaf, matured in Nature's way by ageing for not less than two years. VELVET comes to you — not too young and not too old — but in its prime cool, mellow and fragrant. Panama-Pacific Exposition's highest award— The Grand Prix — has been awarded to VELVET "for its superior quality. " 5c Metal-lined Bags One Pound Glass Humidors "The Best American Make" The 7V^i£^ ARROW "^ COLLAR forFall 'i GOTHIC— T This is decidedly a 7HL "aOTHIC THF.'YTOrW/CWITH BOW ?ieic Collar. The front spacing is formed to fit and hold the cravat knot. No matter what style of cravat is worn, it fits the ^^.!™ ''(^o/Azc''andthe ^^Go//2zV"fitsit. CLUETT, PEABODV \ CO.Inc. .T/aA-^r.?,TROY. N.Y. VOL. V, Number 2. October, 1915. Cinplj^r ^am^ Nunibpr Wooden Indians- have passed away But we have GEORGE (He's a good old Indian, too) He is our Nicotine Expert. His knowledge of all tobaccos has earned him the title: ''Dean of Smoke Bugs/' He is at your service at The Co-Op I •He Specializes in Cigars by the Box- Illinois Julia Sanderson- PHURSDAYEVEiVINli, ^0V CHARLES FROH.MAN PRESENTS -Donald Brian- il Theatre Joseph Cawthorn In the Musical Comedy Triumph From Utah" with thc: Entire New York Cast of 76 People Including thc Famous Beauty Chorus Seats on Sale TUESDAY At Box Office. Harris Confectionery, Q ,irk Drug Store Prices will be 50c to $2.00 Mail Orders Received Now at Box Office This is the Show you have been waitinj>- for A REGULAR SHOE SHOP qHOES with pep and class and speed and originality— shoes that would do credit to the best- *^ dressed man on Broadway — these are the sort of footwear the Snyder and Collard shop lines up for particular Illini. English lasts modified fof comfort, custom workmanship, leathers tanned to wear; such is the class of shoes to be had at prices most suitable. Snyder and CoUord 312 NORTH HICKORY STREET ^ "When You See That Big Book" THAT'S Louden & Flaningam 114-116 WALNUT STREET CHAMPAIGN i^ Classified List of Advertisers Barbers page no G. C. Ehrgott 41 C. L. Hoover 7 Book Stores Co-Op Inside Front Cover D. H. Lloyde 32 Confectioners Bradley 10 Thoriiehill 10 D. H. Harris 33 White & Gold 42 F. Mead 7 Olympia 7 Clothiers and Haberdashers Cluett, Peabody & Co. . .Back Cover Zombro 5 Jos. Kuhn 3 Fred Marshall 10 Emerson Spence 41 Drugs Leslie 5 Spaulding 11 Groceries and Meat J. F. Webster & Co 36 Palmer Bros 42 Chicago Packing House 9 Hegenbart 41 Jewelers Ray L. Bowman 3 A. E. Wuesteman 41 T. H. Craig • 6 Laundries Soft Water 5 White Line 9 Miscellaneous Twin City Creamery 3 Reickhoff Bakery 3 Williams Bros 40 L. B. Souder 6 Ind. Engr. & Elect. Co 6 Citizens' State Bank 7 Illinois Traction System • 11 Beardsley Hotel 42 Wozencraft & Finder 44 G. C. Willis 44 Photographers Photo Art Shop 44 Strauch • 11 Renne 6 Koehne Inside Back Cover Mecca 33 Pool and Billiards page no Cavanaugh 5 Newman • 10 Leseure 12 Printers Courier 34 Louden & Flaningam 1 Munhall 11 Restaurants Alamo 10 Ostrand • 36 Crumb Shelf 44 Shoe Repairing Goodyear System 36 Ike Hanan 38 Shoes Curry & Taylor 38 Snyder & Collord 1 Paul 11 Theatres Colonial 12 Illinois 1 Lyric 34 Orpheum 37 Park 7 Princess 32 Tobacco, etc. Bull Durham 39 Fatima 4 Riz-la-Croix 43 Tuxedo 35 Velvet 8 Transfer Cos. and Garages Chester 42 O'Byrne 36 Shobe 38 Tailors Nobby Tailors 31 Pitzenbarger & Flynn 9 Consult the dance date page for club dance dates. Page 32. These people have something of inter- est to tell you. Read their ads. They're worth while. Fancy Cakes, Bread and Rolls We are now located in our new home. Everything up-to-date, modern and sanitary. , ; , We are also in a position to serve you better than ever in the line of high grade rolls, fancy and appetizing cakes and good bread. Give us a trial. 212 South Neil St. L. F. RieCkhoff Bakery champaign, Illinois Buy T^vin City Creamery BUTTER From Your Grocer Miss Ray L. Bowman EXPERIENCED JEWELER Watch and Jewelry Repairing, Engraving Diamonds Reset ALL WORK GUARANTEED Temporary Location isince fire) RELIABLE PLUMBING & HEATING CO. Across from Interurban Station and Inman Hot«l CHAMPAIGN 1181 The Store Proves It JOS. wm & €0. A sensible cigarette — that's what I want" There are a number of good, sensible cigarettes on the market — Fatimas are not the only ones. But Fatimas are the best- liked and best-selling of all the cigarettes costing over five cents. Of course, your taste may be different — you may not like Fatimas as well as all these thousands of other men do. But you can't deny that they are nvorth trying — not only for the delicious taste that has made them so fa- mous, but also to see just how SENSIBLE they really are — how COOL and com- fortable to the throat and tongue and how free they arc from after-effects. Try Fatimas now —TO- DAY — and le'arn how much more smoke pleasure a sen- sible cigarette like Fatimas will give you. FaUmavas the o^ilv ciffarette awarded the GRAND PRIZE, tlu- higltest aicard given to ant/ cif/orette ,tt the Manama- Facijic Intemationui Expoaitwii, BI-EhJD THE TURKISH BLEND A Sensible Cigarette lO for 15^ D-2 HOWDY! THE busiest home-comer finds t'me to stop a'^ Zoni's door and yell a greeting. And that's even better than selling a dozen neckiies on a I'ainy day. When YOr are an "old grad," too, Zom wants to liear YOUR greet ng. Today, alumni and under- graduates, you all know that Zom and his store — horse, foot and dragoons. — are right back of old 111 nois. ROGER ZOMBRO GREEN STREET Sir Jim, a knight, In armor bright Took tea with Lady Bowsers, With manner free She spilt some tea And rusted Jim's best trousers. — Tiger. ■■That tramp who just passed by smelt terribly, didn't he?" ■■Sure he did. He's aroma, isn't he?" — Pelican. The Soft Water Laundry A. A. Nyberg Bell Phone 8t Auto 4506 125 N. Race St. Urbana Victrolas and Victor Records Phone for the Record you want wc will deliver it. irug ^tnr^ llrbatia iruinois pool Iball On the way to the Orpheiim C. E. CAVANAUGH MANAGER Souder Cares for the Clothes You Care for ONCE in a while you get a garment that particularly fits-in with your personaUty so you hate to give it up. Souder can prolong the life of a garment unbeliev- ably. There's only one way to find this out ! L. B. SOUDER CLEANING-DYEING -PRESSING Right in Champaign Catering to Those Who Appreciate The Best in Photography Hhone Main -T) 38 N. Neil St. Champaign, 111. (If von linv it of T. II. Craig' von know it i.'^j right) ■ ■ . I Eyes Tested Glasses Fitted Wi' do lens giinding and can replace broken lenses in aliont one honr's time jnst save the broken pieces or bring yonr prescription in. We are experts in onr line and can give yon the best of service. If yon need glasses we can fit yon. T. H. Craig optometrist Established 18!)(i 5 Main St., Champaign. 111. ''Hit the line hard, don 't flinch, and play the game fair.' '-Roosevelt. HIESE words of advice from a man who has al- always "hit the line hard" himself apply not only to athletics, but to all lines of human en- deavor. The editor or husiness manager of a college or high school annual, tor instance, should "hit the line hard'' and get out a book that will be different, that will be original, that will have the punch. We can help you do it. Write for our free book, "How to Get Out a Good College Annual." JnlitauapnltH lEngraittug anli lElrrtrntyptng (Enm^attg WULSIN BUILDING INDIANAPOLIS. INDIAN.^ The Park Champaign's Most Beautiful and Up to- Date Theatre Coming: MARY PICKFORD MARGUERITE CLARK JOHN BARRYMORE ELSIE JANIS And scores of Famous Artists TAKE COMFORT AND SAFETY WITH YOUR PICTURES Correct Service Dainty Luncheons Fancy Bostons and Sundaes Cleanliness Modern Style POPULARIZE Slip URBAN A Hick — "Thish match won't light." Up — "Thash tunny. It lit alright a few minutes ago.' -Gargoyle. D a S D D "Wake up, Bill, there's a fire on the row." "Fraternity or Sorority?" "Fraternity." "Let the damn thing burn." — Chaparral. THE COLLEGE TALK st Natl. Bank Bids. Hoover's Barber Shop CITIZEN'S STATE BANK •'Appreciates Your Patronage." NEIL STREET CHAMPAIGN The Highest Award Ever Given to Smoking Tobacco "THE International Jury of Award at the Panama- ■^ Pacific International Exposition awarded the GRAND PRIX to VELVET Tobacco. This award, the Highest Honor in the Gift of the Exposition, was given VELVET, "for its Superior Quality." VELVET'S claim to this high award was based the following points: VELVET SMOKING TOBACCO is a selected, naturally- matured tobacco, aged-in-the-wood for over two years. This natural curing, while slow and expensive, is recognized as far superior to any artificial method of maturing Pipe Tobacco. VELVET is aged and cured in Nature's own patient way and justly holds the title of the "Smoothest Smoking Tobacco." This official opinion of the International Jury of Award thus confirms the high esteem in which VELVET is held by American smokers. lOc Tins 5c Metal-lined Bags One Pound Glass Humidors ^^cfjeJtfyf^e/tAjo{racco Qx. O TAILOR clothes both wisely and well; to make every garment individually and sep- arately to fit you and your individuality — this is the work of the Pitsenbarger & Flynn shop. Furthermore, they take care of your clothes after they're made, as only good Tailors know how to take care of them. PITSENBARGER & FLYNN Tailors to Particular Illini ON GREEN STREET Mechanics Prof. — Wliat sort of shafts are usually made hollow. Stude — Elevator shofts, sir. — Cornell Widow. D n S D □ The Old Maid's Laugh— "He! He! He!— Michigan Gargoyle. "Would you marry a girl with a diapharous skirt?" "Sure. You can see what you're getting. — Jester. THE White Line Laundry has opened their Dry Cleaning and Pressing Department SUITS PRESSED 50c Let Us Show You Our Way BELL 406 AUTO 1550 OOR SCALES ARE RIGHT, AND we're Polite our shop is AL-VVAVS Clean and bright! Auto 1611 Chicago Market Company Qualify Meats Lowest Prices Foil Weight Auto delivery service to any part of the Twin Cities. Special rates to Fraternities, Sororities and Clubs. If you are in search of a Distinctive Suit tor Fall Order it from '* MARSHALL" Anderson of Chicago is the Tailor — 400 styles to .select from. We have the Model Form showing luiw (lif suit looks made up. Fit and warkmanship guaranteed. Price $16.50 to $40.00 •Always Something New in Nifty Furnishings." Fred G. Marshall Brad!e\ Arcade 0pp. Library "SINCE 1903" A REMINISCENCE The following verse written by an enthusiasuc .Vlmunus of the University in 1903, about the time we originated our now famous "Chocolate a la Boston," is reprinted by special request." Seniors call it "A La Boston" The Juniors "A Boston" tgo To Co-eds it's simply "A la" Or a "Boston Thing" so new. The Soph's have cut it "Ally" Freshmen a "Tra la la' Some time its only "Lu lu" Or a "Boston, aha ha." But be it "Lu" or "Ally" This know we to be true We love those "Bradley Bostons" We do, we do, we do. Originator of "Chocolate a la Boston.' T H K ALAMO THE HOME OF GOOD 7HJI\GS TO EAT OPEN ALL THE TIME Meal Tickets $5.00 for $4.50 I. D. STEWAR I BRADLEY ARCADE THE game of billiards is known to have been played in a crude way since before the birth of Christ. It was introduced into Europe from the East by the Knights Templars at 'he time of the Crusades, when it became a fa- vorite game of monks in the monasteries. Shakespeare mentions it in "Anthony and Cleopatra." Lou's XI of France established the game in his court; Henry III was also a prominent patron of billiards, and after his time it became popular among the aristocrats on the continent. The game was brought to America by the Span- iards who settled in St. Augustine,- Fla., in 1565. Without a doubt billiards is a superior game in point of skill and service, combining as it does both knowledge and execution. As a hea'th giving recreation and exercise — • restful to the mind — the game grows steadily in popularity. The Arcade Billiard Parlor caters to the gentlemanly co- terie of the University of Illinois, and extends a cordial wel- come to you in a quiet well kept billiard parlor. Arra&^ liUtarJn T^nvlat DEWEY NEWMAN. Prop. BRADLEY ARCADE S. A. EHRMAN, Manager 1» MUNHALL PRINTING HOUSE **abe Stubents' jpiintcvs" 17 Taylor Street CHAMPAIGN Alice — You're so fortunate. I don't suppose you ever knew what it was to be pushed for money.'' Lily — "Indeed I do, my dear. ■V\'hen I was little my mother used to hiie a girl to wheel me about in a go- cart." — Judge. n D S D D "Did Jones lose control of his auto'?" "Completely; the cook uses it all the time." — Puck. Mrs, Gasser: "I was outspoken in my sentiments this afternoon at the club." Mr. Gasser: "I can't believe it. Who outspoke you ,my dear?" — Puck. THE BEST PICTURES Of Current Events and Selection Made Easy for You iJ^^Biii 'f M Al N 8. WALNUT ST. CHAMPAIGN ILL. ^ OPPOSITE PffniOiNT'j CAMPUS H0/^£ THE UNIVERSITY DRUG STORE B. E. SPALDING PROPRIETOR Sundries, Toilet Articles, Golf Clubs and Golf Balls. 6th. & Green St. Champaign, Illinois If 311 1 Trip H).ii3 aiii 3a^\ will be a real pleasure if taken via Illinois Traction System (McKinlt'y Lines) There's a train your way, any hour, any day. Block Signals protect you; parlor cars add to your comfort. Keep in mind "'The Road of Good Service" • • ■: * ■■ ■« 7KLL, Well, Well —Look Who's With Us! Ev. VV ery single, blessed Homecomer Indian hits the trail for the Smoke Haven 'most as soon as he hits town. There, stacked up behind a King's size Pell Mell, with the rest of the crew punishing the cue balls or swapping yarns about this "cold-crooel- world" gag, the old, glad-I'm-alive idea comes to make creepy feelings around your Sarry Bellum as they do when the score's wrong and the gang sings Loyalty. t Right on Gteen Street Yo\j Chicago Students! You know good pictures when you see them. You know the Studebaker theatre and the "TRIANGLE' features. You know D. W. Griffith, the creator of "A Birth of a Nation." You know Thomas H. Ince and Mack Sennett. These three men are considered the greatest producers of motion pictures in the wt.rld. They produce the TRIANGLE pictures. The TRIAN- GLE pictures are those now shown at the Studebaker theatre, Chicago. The Chicago people pay all the way from fifty cents to two dollars to see the TRIANGLE features. Now just imagine these features being shown at the COLONIAL about 25 days after they leave the Studebaker. Wouldn't you grab at the opportunity to see them at, say ten or fifteen cents? Well, just watch the COLONJAL for further announcements. Maybe by the time the next issue of the Siren comes out, we will be showing these great pictures. ! Colonial Theatre Urbana's Principal Photoplay Theatre North Market Street Tr...iM[ Ei.--*- s ija'E n '^1 A bull dog is a dogged beast, Determined, strong, and grim. The 1934 Championship Is guarded well by him. He never gives up when he fights, Tho hard the fight may be. And may the team when its turn comes Guard it as well as he. ^ I U. E K .jSM:^ ^pr A RISING YOUNG FOOTBALL PLAYER Minnesota's GopheiM come, In to try their game. Not that they expect to win, None may have that fame, Easy for our Indians, Strong and coached are they. Other teams are powerless, To fathom Zuppke's play. A good old Os-ke-wow-wow -Arc you ie;idy, boys? Illinois Indians Like heap scalp to skin : Look out you Minnesota, It's a game you cannot win. Nothing left of Goj)lu'rs, Only empty skin. Indians victorious, So its ;ihvavs been. D D S D n WELCOME Welcome back you graduates. • Welcome back to Illinois. Live again your college days Mingling with the present boys. All the school is yours today; Every building, every walk. Meet your old friends once again; Of that same old Spirit talk. We do homage to you — "grads." Men who've made the school so great And our fellowship we give. Never once shall it abate. When, years hence, we too shall come Back to some Homecoming game And we meet lllini then, They, like us, will feel the same. So we welcome you. old grads. Welcome back to Illinois. Mingle with us once again, Share in all our present joy. D n S D D TOBE. LEADERS First Grad — "Yes, I was a big man wiien I was in college. I led the football team, and led student activi- ties. I suppose you were a leader, too?" Second Grad — "Well, no, r.bout the ouly thing I led was a rotten life." D n s D n TOBE. AGREED Grid — "I hear that Middleton is dissatisfied with his football career." Iron — "That makes it unanimous then." A HARD SYSTEM OF ACCOUNTS Critic — "No, I can't run your sketclnes. TKiey won't do at all." Artist — "Why, that's the best work I ever did. The girls in those sketches are the best looking co-eds I ever drew." Critic — "That's it. We can't run pictures of good looking co-eds, they don't look natural." n n s n n Rolling dice gather but loss. THE GAME DID IT Scene 1 : The depot ; time — October 30, morning {Tico old hoys drop off the train. Both are for- ty, seven:, and dignified. Each has a big, fat, bla-ek cigar in his face.) Number Que: "Same old hole. Lookit the damkids. Don't these college boys ever shut up?" Number Two : "How the deuce do these cars ruu, anyway? I was here four years once, but that wasn't long enough to learn anything about this car system." One: "Look— that's a co-ed." Two : "Never did see a good looking one. A pretty girl don't need no education.'' One: "The street cleaning di'jiartmeut is still on its vacation, I see." Two: "Wonder what it'll be this time at the house — a new rug for the basement or a set of frescoes for the dorm." One: "Probaltly be a punk game. All this 'hard battle' enthusiasm is cooked up." Two: "This ITome-Coming noise is either a financial scheme or overdrawn sentimentalism — I don't know which. That big, gawky galoot coming down the line looks as if he's going to whack us on the back and gather us in. He's probably our brother. Hold your pocketbonk tight." ' Scene 2: Wright Street; time — after the game {Same two old bogs come prancing along voith their arms aro-und "that big, gawky galoot," All three are grinning ecstatically and sing- ing "Illinms Loyalty" off key.) One; "Gad, what a game! That run — '' Two : "Wonderful ! Wonderful ! When that young devil hit the open with nothing between him and the goal but two hundred pounds of greased Gopher lightning, I cupped my hands in front of me to catch my heart as it popped out." One: "I lost my head when Pogue did that ninety yard run — I ran parallel to him all the way in the stands." That Big, Gawky Galoot : "Yes, it sure was a neat little game." One : "Get an eyeful while you're here. Lookit these frosh. Young America. Backbone of the nation." Two : "Twenty-four — twenty what a game ! " One: "I could shut my eyes right now and see this street in the spring, vdt\\ the leaves on the trees— everj' one of 'em — '' Two : "And the boneyard— the dear old bone- yard I T love each whiff of its every purl! And—" One: "And the streets— the du.sty, careless- looking, beautiful old streets!" Two: "Say, Robinson — er, I mean Dutten- hoffer— why don't you fellers get a little action on that new house proposition?" Galoot : "We don't need a house. We've got the finest there is right now.'' One : "Bah !" Did you ever see the I. A. C. in Chicago?'' Two: "Are our alumni a bunch of paupers? Why don't you start a subscription campaign — let me start it with a thousand." One: "I'm good for a thousand, too. And I'll send a special letter written by an expert advertising man to every alumnus." Galoot : "Of course — why, certainly — you see, I didn't mean— er, what I started to say is this—" One: "Lookit that girl coming down the street. Peach. Exquisite. These kids have brains, too. Brains and looks. Marvelous." Two : "It was one scream of a game." One: "I'll never forget it — never!" That Big, Gawky Galoot: "Yes, gentlemen, it wa.s a nice game." 15 E(lii(tr-iii-('Iiief liii-iiics-t ]laii(iii<'r 'WIS Elliott S. Miller Paul D. Amsbary A>is.{H-\<\tv Editor KocKJi Hill J. II. TH KNOlt Art Editor <,l A. Klein Adrertising Mana(/cr A. M. kiRCHP:R Circulation' Manaqer F. C. NORLIN V. N. Clark STAFF Phillip Corper A. A. Dailey !r>AMPSON Raphaelson I'ltlilixln il niniiililij hi/ the students of the Universitj/ of Illinois during the college year. Entered ■d.s sccDiid class matter at postoffice at Urhana, III., under Act of Congress, March S, 1879. Office of iiuhlicafi'on, I'rhana Coiiri&r Vonij)a)ii/, JJrhana, III.. Subscription 50 cents per year in ad- vance, (hil (if town subscriptions $0.75; single copies /5 ceuts. All business communications .should 1)1- sent to Paul D. Amsbary, t^ircn office, GOS East Orecn Street, Champaign. Contribu- tions either art or literary should be sent to Elliott S. Miller, ilO East Green Street. UR University, and to jou we say, Old Grad, your LIuiversity opens its gates to give you a Iloinecoming' ^\liicii A\ill make the few days you are with ns everything tliat tlie word Houieeoniing imjilies. The or- ange and blue bunting, the badges and decorations, and all the tin- rassle and display are only outward signs of our attempt at welcome. The glad-hand speeches and oratory which embellish the mass meet- ing and smoker in your honor are onlj' more of the same thing, — our feeble attempt to tell you tliat we are really glad you are here; our at- tempt to tell you that we appreciate that we are young, just half-baked, immature students, and that we are nothing without you, our alumni and backers. All the tin-tassle and perhaps the aAvkward attempts at welcome must seem over-drawn and they are not the real heart to heart, man to man welcome that you really want, and tluit we really wish to give. But we can not know each of you in person, we can not give yon that personal greeting which is v.orth a thousand yards of bunting and a thousand badges. We can only welcome you as a body, a body of men whom we are anxious to lionor, and upon wliose records, past deeds, and present support the greatness of our University depends. But underneath the cold and lifeless oratory, and the display of bunting and badges you may know that there is a deeper, warmer, more sincere welcome. And altho we welcome you as a body, we only wish that we could give you that man to man welcome— the welcome which is underneath the tassle and dis- play. 16 INNESOTA always has good football teams. There is something about the twenty-five below zero Minneapolis weather, or perhaps it is the plentitude of large blonde men from Scandanavia that is responsible year after year for fast, heavy steamrolliug Gopher teams. It was Minnesota that Zuppke feared last year, and it is Minnesota that Zuppke has coached the team to beat this year. The once formidable Chcago has sunk into oblivion. We still liko to attend the Chicago games, and watch the erstwhile Man-eaters lie trodden into shameful unrecognizability, but it is a secondary matter. We have the feeling at the Chicago games that the spec- tator has as he watches the big hero beat the despicable little fel- low who used to be a terror and a bully. But the Minnesota game is a diflerent proposition, it is a battle of the giants and an affair which we can attend with no complacent smile of confidence. Football is no gentle game, and the Gophers' style of play is anything but gentle. So altho we look f(!rward to a victory, still it will be a victory every yard of which is earned, a victory which will take the bt'sr we have. D D s D n AST fall the sleek and prosperous members of the various dancing clubs looked forward to L large i)rofits for the ensuing year. But as the year passed by they became mournfully aware that the University was not dancing during 1014:-1915. Each dancing club suffered to a greater or less degree, and stood by. and listened to perfectly good music while ten or twelve couples arrived. As compared Avith previous years, last year's profits were negligible. It was onl.y natural that the Students' Union dances should be blamed, for they were the only tangible reason for the falling off in attendance. Yet the Student Union dances never conflicted with club dances, in fact the clubs carefully avoided such conflicts. And still the music played to half empty halls. Perhaps the complexity and variety of the dances was a factor in keeping the students away. Perhaps the many advertisements of "Uancing instruction'' in the hundred and one steps filled the timid students with fear and trembling. But this year it seems a different story. The club dances have been well attended. It looks as if the timid students had at last seen thru the bluff, and had at last found out that all the fancy names for dances were invented by some painted ladies who sang in cabaret, — that nobody (not even the originator) knew how to do them,, and that everybody who thought they knew, did them dift'ercntly anyway. And then besides, only a few people ever heard of half of them, and that few were much-prefumed and very vain little bits of feminity who just pretended that they knew. So the timid students have, it ap]iears, seen thru the bluff, and learned that all one has to do is walk, — to put one arm about one's partner, hold the other arm gracefully aloft, and walk in syncopated manner. a- FOOTBALL STARS 17 ^7-«^7~ X Sir E WELCOME HOME The wooden walks are gone, Old Grad; The Armory's been moved; The caps and hats are different now — All old things to the new must bow — Changed are the scenes you loved. Changed are the scenes you loved, Old Grad: The campus, green and wide, With just a building here and there, Old, with rambling wooden stair, And ivy-smothered side. You loved the slang they used to talk — So different from today's — The dances that they used to do; The good old times with the good old crew — The hell they used to raise. You — er — liked the dainty, modest maids, You liked them well. Old Grad. You fussed with gentle, quiet mien — The "modern" girl now on the scene — Perhaps she makes you sad? And yet your smile is broad. Old Grad, Your laugh rings loud and strong. The air to you is ozone sweet. You trip along with gladsome feet. You feel that you belong! And why? Because the spirit's there — That youthful fighting feel; And every song and yell's the same As those when you were in the game — Today is vivid, real. You love the school, the school we love — We're proud to have you here! Although we're sleeping in the yard, And eating in the kitchen's hard — Come back again next year! ^ >^ A 4 A A ^ BRAZIL NUTS Maybe you don't understand why this drawing got by, but you'll have to admit it has its fine points. D n s n n A GRIEVANCE Idle: "What are you mad at Richard for?'' Rich: "He got 40 in an exam this morning." Idle: "What has that to do with it?"' Rich: "I copied h'S paper." D D S D n THE LAW OF AVERAGES He's bound to come, he's sure to be, The only question's, who For auijht I know it niav be nie, Or then asrain be you. / Some nut is sure to write a soufj; Anent our university. There'll be a prof wlio's always wronsj In blind obvStinacy. Some iiuy will surely get the can 'Ere 19's three niontlis old. There's sure to be the also ran, The , co-ed extra bold. ! c The siiy who doesn't givadam How often he does flunk. We'll always have our best drest man And the onery campus drunk. 18 ^t&rttMS. A CASE OF EMPTIES WELCOME Guest — "111 stop in and see you again some time." Host- 'Yes, if you come near here again, Just stop." INTERRUPTED Goss — "Old Crabb certainly raised a stew — " Sipp — "He always seemed Kke a harmless old fellow to me." Goss — ".\s I was saying, — when he raised that son of his." n D S D D GUTTER STUFF 1 saved you from an awful end, I picked you from the gutter, And when I think of how you were, It almost makes me shudder. I brushed you off and cleaned you up, I took you home with me to sup, But now you're fading fast away, Don't leave me yet a while I pray. I hold you to my lips my dear. Your very presence brings me cheer, I suppose you think that I am nuts, But it is just a cigar butts. HOW IT HAPPENED A letter came for Daddy, Inviting him to come. The boys were all agoing — Staying home was bum! The bills were getting heavy. Champaign was far away — It wasn't very hard at home, Until before the day. Then Daddy started moping 'round, And looking out the doors — Looking down at maw and me, As if we both were bores. All a sudden he jumped up. And quickly packed his grip. Gently telling maw and me, It was a business trip. Business must a been real good. For when my dad came home. He bought a flivver, paid his bills, And talked about the foam. He wears a Norfolk jacket now, And ties — Oh, my, so loud — And all we hear both day and night, Is all about the "Crowd." n D s D D DRIVING LIKE A FIEND U'irst Golfer: "I suppose you made some beautiful drives this afternoon, two hundred yards or more?" Second Golfer: "Yes, a couple. A hundred yards up, and a hundred yards down. " D n s n n LEISURE Idol — "What do you do in your idle time?" Tyme — "Wash dishes." 39 T m E APPROPRIATE Wise — "What are you doing with that soap?" One — "I'm going to wash my head.'' Wise — "Have you tried a vacuum cleaner?" n D s n D NOT ORIGINAL "What do you think of my copy?" 3 I U E JH Aspirant: ivhcil uu j-uu imuiv ui. my uupy ; Critic: "Well, some of It's decidedly original, and some of it's qu'te e'.ever." n n s D n EIN WORT ZUERST Act, '19 Kinder hoerst du mir, Ich will not tell ein lie — Ich war wie du am letzen iahr, Und many war mine sigh. Der upper class man will you soon Regard as one gross pest, Aber nun vergessen Sle es nicht — Von friends he Is your best. Discouraged bist du nich at all, Wann etwas geht awry — Go zu der upper class man, D"-ch all he'll stand you by. Cuss nicht die Lehrers, Deans, and such — Machst nicht solch ein mistake. Although am Zeiten seem they cross, As crabs they are a fake. n D s D n COARUS STUFF, OR WHY BOYS LEAVE HOME ^^n Cholly — "If you rub oil on your hands, dear, It will make them soft.'' Molly — "I think you'd better stop rubbing oil on your head." D D S D D LATE AT NIGHT Fusser (as clock struck midn'ght) — "Yes, Mabel, I always dress in the latest style." Mabel (yawning) — "And have the latest habits." n D s n n SMOKE UP! When I am sad and lonely and my thots are miles away, And I have that helpless feeling that the "jinx"' has come to stay, And friends who might be cheering me forget that I'm around And all the world seems distant — the best solace I've found To restore the old contentment, rejuvenate myself, Is to rescue my old jimmy pipe from off the mantle shelf And smoke up! Or when the pace is madd'ning and my nerves are out of rig And the wheels are all reversing beneath my unkept wig I feel as though a "shot o' dope" is all can set me right And bring to me the fortitude to hang on through the fight, 'Til I grab my fumigator from its niche above the grate And drop into my easy chair to just recuperate And smoke up! Ma Elephant — "Yes, the dear boy insisted on playing football without a nose guard." D D S D □ As it gurgles down my larnyx and smoothes my vocal rods The smoke from old jimmy is fit incense for the gods. I've pulled at rare Havanas but there's nothing in their fumes Can vie with my own little pipe when we are chasing glooms, For to put the touch on vict'ry or remove sting from defeat I call upon my jimmy pipe, I know it can't be beat. And smoke up! ONLY ONE Engineer — "I was going to take a good course in the Ag schoo'." L. & A.— "Why didn't you? • Engineer — "I found they aren't teaching it this semester.'' n D s n n IN FRENCH CLASS "How did you manage that 'nasal sounds' question?" "Oh, I blew it." No exquisite morrocco, lined with silk of gorgeous hue. Has ever been the dwelling of my little pal so true; No luxury nor splendor has been my old pipe's berth. Its resting place is where a brick is absent from the hearth, And there I always find it, when I need my closest friend, And all I do to rout the blues, or cares and worries mend. Is smoke up! So when life's game is over and Time his whistle blows And my shade is put in transit for that world — where, no one knows, Should I be sent to Paradise to grace that campus fair I think I shall investigate before locating there, And if I see "No Smoking" I'm rather apt to go And ask Pete for a transfer to the fire-box down below And smoke up! A WOMAN IN THE CASE 21 X ^^y X^^//. %.,. -^-^//z '^^^. •\^ • 'fe. THE GRAD BLOW \Vi 7/ Mr*^ ft ? -s'Sr*- • t~^-: ;>-^ ■ ^■.1ll:'•■•;■t€^ (INESOTA'S POINTS They stood beneath the spreading tent, And watched the circus star, Who writhed and twisted in midair, And swung upon his bar. If he should chance to fall, for me All pleasure at an end would be, But still my heart will break you see. If he doesn't fall for me. 5mi She's a« chill as late November When you pass her on the street. In Green Stockings she's a treat; She's exquisite and she's sweet; Oh, she's tender — Love's elite — And so yielding — you remember? But she's chill as late November When you pass her on the street. n n s D D Person.s who saw rehearsals, of Green Stockings — Mask aud Bauble's Home-Comiug play — say that it is a crash, a lulu. No one says it is "'very good." So we're goiug to the rehear.sal with the feeling that it will be really enjoyable. Whenever someone remarks that a show is "very good," it makes us suspicious. We avoid that show. Somehow, we know tiiat it nmst be a masterpiece. And dramatic masterpieces are as ob- noxious as good literature is. We know, because Ave have never tried either. Atmosphere of this country is one of bill-post- ers and street-car ads: and if you are advised of a "sizzling story" or a "slam-bang, million-laugh comedy," you fall. You read that story or go to that play, and you en.joy it even if afterward you are told by a highbrow that it was a masterpiece. Minne Sota's in the spotlight; She's a leading lady fair, And she's preening and she's smiling At the Indian who's whiling All his afternoon away In a front row seat — he's gay— And he likes her corn-silk hair. Her lips are red, alluring. And the mighty big chief's heart Is a-hammering and beating, For his mind has framed the greeting That will hypnotize this queen. He feels certain that he '11 glean Many kisres through his art. Soon the show will be all over And the brave from his bouquet Many flowers will be strewing In her path as he starts wooing. And although she's strong and fine, She'll receive the Indian sign, And the chief will win the day. The office of the ci'itic is an innovation with the Daly Illini. It is a good move. Genvune, con- structive student opinion is needed on the campus. Coming from so widel.v eireidated and thoroughly read a medium, it will not suffer for lack of atten- tion. There is the disadvantage in that the eriliois,iu — at least in matters of the theater — will have to be done hurriedl.v. The critic is not given time to assimilate his facts and opinons into a thoughtful, unified whole. There is always the natural ten- dency to give a hurried impression instead of studied conviction. The weakness of this is partly overcome by the periodical review which, it appears, is Mr. Mc- Nulta's policy. Such a review can always come after careful classification and stud.v in the clearer pei"s,pectivc of a week, or a month, after the night before. Percy Hammond, in the Cliicago Tribujie, ex- l)ressed the belief that jieoplc ai-e not influenced by the critic's opinion: that they are governed .solely by the facts regarding the play, which the critic reveals in the course of his remarks. If this is true, aiul campus experience bring.s, striking con- firmation, then the following problem exists for the Daily Illini: Would the greatest efficiency result under a system of daily criticism aud weekly or monthly review (where conditions make these practicable) ; or would it result where the dail.v criticism is omitted and the periodical review featured'? The world's a stage, and college is the wings. Every student is an ambitious "supe:" but how many are stud.ying the leading man's lines in their spare hours? S. SMILES. n n s n D GRAPHIC VERSE No graft in footbal, do you state? There's sure to be some at the gate. And when a hero's skin's all gone, Do not the doctors graft more on? Will not each game the movie man Photograph it if he can? Why, if there wasn't any graft, We couldn't write this paragraph. 25 yW yy Mk First pup— "I hear that every time the girls over at to lock h Second pup — "Why do they have to do that?" the sorority house where he lives go to a meal, they have m upstairs." First pup — "So he can't hear the-m-eat." n D S D D OUR COLLEGE PRIMER 1. The Home-Coming Smile \\'liai is iliat over there? It is a smile, Amelia. Ccjudiicss i^iacidiisl ^^'lla( is the smile doing" all liv itsrlf? J^unk closer, Amelia; it is uot by itself. Squint — yon can see better when yon sr riMl)-sc. \\ Ji'i |int (lie smile in front of him? His senior fraternity brothers. It is rather stilt by noA\-,, as he has been wearing it for prac- tice foi- a week. He has been practicing for Ilonie-Coining. "What is Home-Coming? Home-Coming, Amelia, is the time when thir- ty-four thousand res])ectable business men, and engine(n-s. leave their homes to come home. The tliirty-foni- thousand persons are divided among sixty <»dd houses. Wh:tl has all this to do with the smile? Nothing at all. The freshman will slumber on the roof and eat on the sidewalk and wasii the disheSj scrub the floors, run errands, and ^\•ork liis danihed off. This has nothing at all to do with the smile. Oh, see, there is another smile! What is bo- liiud this one? A landlady who has two spare rooms. And there is still another. What— A wholesale grocer, Amelia. Yon will notice, however, that these smiles are not stiiif. n n s D n EASY MONEY Bush: "Say did Jakes ever pay you that quarter you lent him the other day?" Wah: "Gosh, I forget. I'll ask him.'' Bush: "Would you mind letting me take a half dol- lar?" D D s n n WHY NOT USE IT? Prosh — How slow that dignified Professor over there walks. Upperclassman — Yes, but he has a fine carriage. Frosh — Gee, what's he walking for? INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT MEN 1. Bart Macomoer After searching all over the Twin C'ties tor Mr. Ma- comber one evening, the Siren reporter found him on the porch of the sorority house. "Have jou ever played football?" asked the reporter. "No; I hang around Illinois field because they're short of tackling dummies,'- said Bart. "It is rumored that you are quite a vocal artist." "Talk to Zuppke about that." "Do you believe in the sack rush?" "I wonder when Harris' is going to begin making tomato bouillon," mused Bart. "In regard to clas.s politics — do you think that their excessive manipulat'on will harm the morals of the col- lege community?" "Say, don't kid me." "What are your favorite color neckties?" "White, tanned in the summer, with a lacy fringe near the end." "Have you ever been to Bloom'ngton? And if so, who?'' "No, not. Say. why the — v.-hat do you want to know all this for? " "Excuse me, Mr. Maconib?r; I never done nothing. It's kinda dark here, ain't it?" the reporter of- fered casually. "Sure, it's dark. I didn't come here to study.*' "I hear that you have visited the Pi Phi literary society lately? Are you really crazy about her?' "Boy, it's the real thing this time — honest: I love her! Different from anything I ever felt before. Why, that grl — she's' a pal — understands me. and everything! I'm going to marry her and — say, she's- got the ground plans of our home made out a'ready! Bungalow. Li- brary as you enter on the ri.ght and all that sort of stuff. I'm absolutely gone on that girl! Her eyes, and her — her hands — and her teeth — did you ever see her teeth? Real thing this time!" "Say, Mr. Macomber, that was an elegant game you put up against the Haskell Indians." "Why not? Wasn't the ptapa and the mamma in the stands?" "Well, thanks for the interview, Jlr. Macomber, and remember the old adage, 'Make love while the stars shine.' " "That's me." n D S D D EARLY Crank — Here, what do you mean by bringiug these papers around so late. Here it is eight o'clock in the morning. Newsboy — Oh. these are tomorrow's papers, n D S D D Ho said to me, "Oh, look at the expectorate." Curi- ously following the tip of h's pointing finger I saw a cute little fuzzy white Spitz dog. fF^f bOM55^Y L 60N. ^^) j%^_^^ SIEMENS RUSHIAN BUSINESS FORE-WARNING COULDN'T STAND IT She — "In olden times how did people live without steam: heat and electric light? He— "They didn't. They are all dead." AN EXCEPTION .Instructor — "The sum of the parts is never gr©at«r than the whole." Student — "He never bougiht parts for an automobile,'' X. M E. .i sensible. Fatimas are a sensible cigarette be- cause they also give you cigarette comfort. They are cool. That means comfort to the throat and tongue. And better yet, they never make you "feel mean." The mild Turkish blend of all pure tobaccos in Fatimas takes care of that. Stick to Fatimas and you'll discover at the end of every long-smoking day just what cigarette comfort means. And you'll realize that you've found the one cigarette you'll want to stand by — a sensible cigarette. Why not try F atimas- todayu ^^^AttfjH^e^^OS^tuxo Or. CIGARETTE ■ lulp til :ly bctv The tir^t teit ifort to the thn 1 toncue. LiKht njiy cloud of sniokf-.i iiiU, ordinary pn 5 not suffic 111 upiinst l"t'l,c other hand, if the profK -Ia^ X-Lsy^JL Jry^ ■eu o.o I FATIMA was tha Only Cigarette Awarded the Grand Prize, the high- est award given to an^ cigarette at the Panama.Paci/ic International Ex- position. D3 1 Classified List of Advertizers Barbers G. C. Ehreott 7 C. L. Hoover 33 Book Stores Co-Op Inside Front Cover D. H. Llovde 7 Confectioners Bradley 4 Thornehill 4 D. H. Harris 29 White & Gold 9 F. Mead 3Q Clothiers and Haberdashers Cluett, Peabodv & Co 9 Zombro 7 Fred Marshall 4 Druffs Leslie 29 Spauldine 3Q Groceries and Meat I. F. Webster & Co. .34 Jewelers Rav L. Bowman 29 A. E. Wuesteman 7 T. H. Craig 6 Laundries Soft Water 6 Miscellaneous Twin Citv Creamery 3 Reickhoff Bakery 3 L. B. Souder 33 Ind. Ensr. & Elect. Co 33 Illinois Traction System 32 Beardslev Hotel 6 Wozencraft & Finder 6 Bradley Sweater 30 Globe Wernick 8 Lvon & Healev 9 G. C. Willis 36 Photographers Photo Art Shop 6 Strauch 9 Renne 30 Aristo 28 Pool and Billiards Cavanaush 36 Newman 4 Leseure 10 Printers Courier 32 Restaurants Alamo 4 Crumb Shelf 8 Shoe Repairing: Ike Hanan 3 Shoes Snyder & CoUord 10 Paul 33 Theatres Colonial 10 Lyric 8 Orpheum Inside Back Cover Park 32 Princess 28' Tobaccoo. etc Bull Durham 31 Fatima 1 Riz-la-Croix 35 Tuxedo 5 Velvet Bank Cover Transfer Cos. and Garages Chester 30 Shobe 34 Tailors Pitzenbaraer & Flynn 34 Consult the dance date page for club dance dates. Page 28. These people have something of inter- est to tell you. Read their ads. They're worth while. Reickoff Bakery Certainly knows how to make delicious cakes. That is proved hy the ex- juisite layer, loaf and other cakes to be seen here daily. Try some of them and you'll say you never before tasted their equal. And it does not matter wh'ch kind you cheese. You'll have to say the same thing about any you may select. \ 213 South Neil Street, CHAMPAIGN, ILLINOIS Buy T\vin City Creamery BUTTER From Your Grocer Bring Your Shoes Direct to the Best Shop in the Twin Cities Immediatly Look for the Right Shop 5042 East Green Street tfl OC Soles sewed and heels ffl nn ....^I.ZJ straightened 4>I.UU Work Called for and Delivered Lowest Prices Waterproof soles and rubber heels I Catspaw and O'Sullivan A(\p heels HUl Bell Phone 2699 If you are in search of a Distinctive Suit for Fall Order it from "MARSHALL" Anderson of Chicago is the Tailor — 400 styles to select from. We have the Model Form showing how the suit looks made up. Fit and warkmanship guaranteed. Price $16.50 to $40.00 "Always Something New in Nifty Furnishings." Fred G. Marshall Bradley Arcade Opp. Library A Select Line of Candy Always on Display at The Arcade Confectionery Exclusive University district agency for FOSS and WHITMAN candies ^'JIMMY" A. R, C -A. O T H E ALA M O THE HOME OPEN A Mej $5.0C I. D. STEWART OF GOOD THIl^GS TO EAT L L THE TIME il Tickets ) for $4.50 BRADLEY ARCADE Meet Your Friends Here ! !! !!! and in the quiet clublike atmosphere of a well kept parlor enjoy the ideal indooi* games^ Billiards and Pocket Billiards games which develop a steady nerve, a quick eye, an active brain, and sound judgment. Arra&^ ltllmr& farlnr DEWEY NEWMAN. Prop. BRADLEY ARCADE S. A. EHRMAN, Manager VCMXtl A pretty girl, A summer night, A man, And he'll succeed, O ! Because his pipe Is filled with sweet And mel- Low, rich TUXEDO! Get yourself properly Tux-ified and you'll make all rivals look as though they were tied to a post — 'cause there's no tobacco made that rivals Tuxedo for speeding things up. You just can't taste the savory flavor and whiff the snappy fra- |; grance of "Tux" without feeling the spirit of husde shooting through ' your whole system. PROF. WILLIS L. MOORE "Tuxedo appeals to me because II is fragrant, without being heady; mild, but net tasteless. A thor- oughly enjoyable, satisfying pipe tobacco that affords wholesome Ulaxation. " The Perfect Tobacco for Pipe and Cigarette And no wonder! For there's no tobacco leaf in the wide world so rich as the choice, ripe Burley that Tuxedo is made of. When this wonderful leaf is mellowed to perfect mildness and every last bit of bite taken out by the o?7_§^/?;rt/ "Tuxedo Process" you have a smoke that's packed full of life and joy and satisfaction. Try Tuxedo for a week. YOU CAN BUY TUXEDO EVERYWHERE Convenient, glassine wrapped, C^ > Famous green tin with gold I A moisture-proof pouch . . . DC lettering, curved to fit pocket 1 V/C In Tin HumiJors, 40c and SOe In Glass Humidors, 50c and 90c THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY The personal thought — the spirit of the giving — determines the value of the gift. What, then, could be more fitting than your portrait for the Christmas remembrance — to carry your simple message of friendship? A dozen portraits solve, at once, a dozen perplex'ng gift problems. Make An Appointment Today Photo Art Shop Auto Phone 2164 (If you buy it of T. H. Craig you know it is right) Join Our Christmas Club Call and get one of our Christmas Savings Banks in which you can put your small change and deposit it with us to apply on your Christmas purchases. You can select the articles you want at any time anl we will lay it aside for you. Call and receive a bank and have it explained or drop us a card and we wil mail you one. T. H. CRAIG (Jeweler and Optometrist) Established 1896 5 Main St., Champaign Beardsley Hotel Company The Beardsley Hotel, a real homelike place where courtesy and attention is never forgotten. A place located in a cheerful atmosphere in the heart of the city. You are ever assured of a quiet night's rest, a good bed in an immaculate room with meals un" surpassed. We have added music during our evening meal each night and at Sunday dinner and supper. We particularly want the U. of I. students and the'r guests to remember our welcome. Beardsley Hotel Company A FIZZLE. She (as she orders a phosphate) : "I'm drinking nothing but charged drinks now." He (dismally): "Same here!" — Sun Dial. D D s D D "That's where I shine," said the young man as he showed his blue serge suit to the tailor. — Cornell Widow. D n s D n Joe: "I've got a chicken from home over in my room, come along." Gish: "What's her name?" — Princeton Tiger. a n s n D DARING. There was a young lady named Daring, Who, when out, caused considerable staring; But the wind rose one day. And without much delay Miss Daring went home for repairing. — Pelican. D n S D D Every time Cupid aims a dart he Mrs. it. — Jester. You Bavc Been Looking For This We have put on a special repair service. It is at your disposal by callirg us on either phone. Wozeneraft&Finder PLUMBING and HEATING The Soft Water Laundry A. A. Nyberg Bell Phone 880 Auto 450.6 125 N. Race St. Urbana We Are Thankful ! ! J I ^ wp^pa'^^ ^^^ ^^^ patronage that has been accorded to us the AtlLUyUES P^^^ y^^^ ^^^ trust that the services rendered will merit a continuance of the relationship thus formed We heartily wish our many patrons a Joyful Thanksgiving JOIN THE JOY BUNCH Bob-0-Links m\ The Genuine kind — fit any Bob-o-Link Bracelet — University and Champaign High School emblem, 50 cents and up WUESTEMAN The Tiffany of Ctiampafgn i When you are down in the mouth think of Jo- nah, he came out all right. There are whal- ing good barbers at Kandy's University Barber Sliop 614 East Green Street Mr. Rooter Speaks: I'm ready for Chicago, I'll be there to gloat As we lick the prunes Out of them Maroons, In a Zombro overcoat! A Great Line at from $15.00 to $30.00 GR ZOM EEN STREET CHAMPAK jN Sectional Bookcases THERl^ is no time more favor- able for begin ing a library than during your college course and no bookcase so suited to such a grow- ing library as a Globe- Wernicke Sectional Bookcase. As you add books from term to term you add extra Globe-Wernicke sections at small cost to provide the necessary shelf space. Then when you are graduated you have the nucleus of :i well-selected library that will grow with you through the years — and a bookcase that will grow in accord. Whei. moving to new quarters or storing your fur- niture over vacation, Globe-Wernicke Sections can be moved with books intact. All styles, finishes and prices. See Globe- Wernicke Book- cases it your local Agent Jlic SloW^cDiekc Co, Cincinnati Custer's The Best Buttered Pop Corn and Roasted Pea-nuts Urbana Student Crumb 506 EAST GREEN OHELF Sandwiches ""kind's" 5c C 1 D E R— All you can pr drink for \_)C CHAMPAIGN, ILL. PRESENTING High Class Feature Programs Changed Daily EVERY WEDNESDAY FOX FEATURES Best by Test EVERY FRIDAY Features DeLuxe from Vilagraph Lnmn Sdiu Essanay. Inc. COMING MONDAY, NOV. 22 Irene Fenwick Now starring in 'The Song of Songs' In The Spendthrift THE Ufeuieie is the most popular in" sirument of tlie day. Played by College men everywhere. No dance or promenade can be up-to-date without its nharacteristic mus;c. Glee Clubs never fail to win tremendous en- cores with the Ukuele. Prices (with instruction book), $5.00 to 125.00. Have you seen the New 1915 Model Washburn Guitar? Write for Catalog 25-37 E. Adams Street Chicago A baby may not know much, but you will notice that it never cries for its father when it is hungry. — Purple Cow. "Watch your step, miss," cautioned the conductor on one of the higher-up cars. "It isn't necessary!" snapped the incoming passen- ger. "That bunch of sap-heads on the curb is doing it lOr me." — Judge. Gifts That Last — Art Bronze Pictures —Art Leather Kodaks OPPOSITE /VfniDSNT'j CAMPUS HOME COLLARS "GOTHIC" IS AN ENTIRELY NEW STYLE -NOTE THE KNOT FORM FITTING SHAPE OF THE FRONT' EITHER BOW TIE OR FOUR-IN-HAND riTS IT PERFECTLY— IT HAS PLENTY OF CRAVAT SLIDE SPACE 2 for 25 cents CLUETT, PEABODY 6? CO.. Inc. TROY, N. Y. The White and Gold Confectionery URBANA '"^WJ^fl^ We cordially invite the students of Illinois to visit our clean and up-to-the-minute "Home of the Finest Sweets." DAINTY LUNCHEONS SERVED .. THE Smoke Haven is the "pep up" place for the whole tribe. When calc problems make chop suey of your brain, when psychol- ogy and economics seem unfath- omable — then is the time to hie yourself for the Haven where the air is blue with good tobacco smoke and the only sign of math is the geometrical figures the bil- liard balls make over the slates. Hi si, ol' tawp, gie us anither-r-r pack o' Tarrytowns. Leseure*s Smoke Haven Right on Green Street The S-C "One Step" A Dancing Slipper of the Newest Mode THE Snyder-Collord "One Step" is so unique and original that you will like il at once. Its Quakerish simplicity and grace- fulness is an appropriate touch to the most chic dancing frock. Snyder & Collord 312 N. Hickory Court COLONIAL THEATRE ''Triangle'* films will be shown in Urbana and Champaign exclu- sively at the COLONIAL. The largest single contract ever made in the Twin Cities. COLONIAL THEATRE :• .-v.-^^.-'^-'/y A woman's wiles, a woman's grace, A woman's form, a woman's face, And we poor men will buy the rings And never know, we're just playthings' 11 I have a little sweetheart, and I love her very much — Her particularly pleasing personality Is such That she has quite enthralled me, and bound me as it were, With a sort of psychological cohesion close to her. I'm going to smg abut her grace and wondrous charm to you, And I know beyond a chance of doubt that you will love her, too. Of course, I'm quite incompetent, none knows as well as I. But if I fail my muse is this, I'm sure I'll up and die. So hear the raucous chantings of an amateurish bard. And I am very certain that you would not find it hard To listen to me days and weeks mayhap e'en a year. If the subject of this song of mine were only with us here. My lady's hair is jettest black, her eyes are deepest brown — I think they're quite the prettiest that ever graced our town. Her cheeks are soft and creamy, like the petals of a rose. And fair beyond description — straight and slender is her nose. Her chin is firmest adamant, like Hercules' and mine, indeed, I think a good, firm chin on girls looks very fine — Of course, some fellows think a chin like that is almost vicious — They're welcome to the kind they like — each man unto his wishes. Her figure is superb, her every movement is a charm. I'd wade thru blood up to my knees, to keep her out of harm. Her wit and charm of manner are the finest in the land — I'd be a happy man if she'd give me her hand. Unfortunate conditions are such that it cannot be. She is my warmest friend — that is all she is to me. I trust I have observed all conventions in this sonnet — I'm strong for the properties and pride myself upon it. You think my sweet's perfection's self, alack and so did I, Until one bright and sunny day, I saw her passing by. She wore that day a skirt so thin, that thru it sunlight glowed, And then I saw, alack — alas, that her — ah — limbs were bowed. 12 OUR COLLEGE PRIMER 2. Home-Going. What is that struggliug mass of people do- ing over there? Thev are at the railroad station, and they are all trying at the same time to go up the steps so that they can get a seat by the window. Why are they all at the railroad station? Because they are going home, Agnes. And now, Agnes, I'm going to beat you to it by tell- ing you irhi/ they are going home. They are going home for various reasons. What are the var — Some of them are going home because the carfare is less than the board would be if they stayed here. Some of them are going because they have a new white silk rhitt'on and that Jones girl is coming home from \'assar and they know that nothing she has can hold a flickering match to the white silk chiffon. Some are going be- cause there is nothing doing in Champaign dur- ing Thanksgiving. Some are going because they have recently acquired a fraternity pin and a jockey cap, and this is the fir.st opportunity they have of showing these to the folks. Some are going because they need exercise and they feel that they can best get it by carrying a certain girl's luggage to the station here and from the station to her house in her home town. Some are going because no one can make turkey like their mothers. Some are going because the rest are going. Won't their in.strutcors mark them absent? No. It is an official vacation. Why is it an official vacation? Because, Agnes, the spirit of Thanksgiving is in the air and we all shouhl be filled with a feeling of glorifed, humble gratefulness and we all should have a great impelling tendernesa which should direct our thoughts and our feet toward home and all the fine things it stands for. Oh then that should be the reason why they are going home, shouldn't it? Yes. How many are going home for that reason? I have counted very carefully, Agues, and I can discover only three. n D s n D Candle A. burns cords B. C and D, releasing simultaneously weight E, vicious goat F, and hammer G, which explodes young German siege gun H. Recruit I is now in a serious predicament. If he survives he is made a can- didate for the team. i I J Editor-in-Chief Biisine.e glad in the anticipation of much victuals and feasting. I ESTIVITY does not alone appl.y to a large Turk ensconced in a recumbent posi- tion upon a platter and surrounded by numerous garnishes. No, festivity might very well describe the Saturday evening following the winning of a football game. Such a game, for instance, as the Chicago game. We don't necessarily mean undue festivity, and they close at twelve anyway. But when Illinois wins, and when Chicago loses at the same time, together with some thousands of Illi- nois students in the great and wicked city to the north, it is foregone that there will be a celebration. When, after the game, the Illini multitude surges from the I. C. suburban trains at Van Buren street, the long rows of lights on Mich- igan boulevard will beckon to them. The cold wind from the lake will hurry their footsteps toward the warmth and cheer of the hotels and restaurants. And where the cold wind from the lake cannot reach them they will gather their feet beneath the tables as the orchestra plays, and the hurrying waiters bring steaming roasts and steaks. And who among us will not feel the spirit of fes- tivity in his veins? "Yes,'' says the fraternity cynic, "Thanksgi\ing is the time when you discover on going home that the one and only has been dated full up by the ones that were has-beens or never-wassers when you were around town and that the best she can do altho 'she is awfully sorry* is to give you a Sunday afternoon right after someone else has seen her to and from church and just before some one else sees her all evening to the movies, the t)ri»h or such. Then you contemplate the relative merits of carbolic and cyanide of pot- assium for a while and then when you arrive back again in this little village you begin to be truly thankful that you got next to her little game before you made the ultimate disposal of your fraternity pin. That is what Thanksgiving means to the freshman. After your fraters to be, begin to be thankful that now you can really be of some use around the house and do a little studying instead of mooning around writing mash notes that she hardly ever reads much less answer and the house average will steadily begin to soar. Then the good looking fresh coed who sits next to you in English Seven or Eleven will see that you have begun to notice her hitherto slighted charms and will freely condescend to let you take her to the Orph if you can vouch for the propriety of the performance, and will with perfect consideration show you just how much less farther your checks from home will go when applied to the amusement and recreation of two instead of one as formerly. So you see Thanksgiving itself isn't until afterward. Tcciimseh, "IS. "VE Festive issue gives acknowledgments to the following men, who have done much in its l)ehalf : Harold Turner, Don Chapman, C. W. Campbell. Carlton Healy, J. K. Barber, E. Malapert, E. E. Kain, A. S. Van Deusen, S. D. Harwood,. J. F. Bailey, M. R. Ransford, Ford MacElvain, II. T. Meek, and Wm. Gilmoi'e. The business assistants have been : C. M. Ettinger, I. L. Lummis, F. W. Patton, and B. Ware. 15 THANKSGIVING REVERIES The freshman sat in his rhetoric class And vweary was his dome; For the thoughts he thought And the dreams he dremt Were thoughts and dreams of home. A sophomore sat in the Arcade Bar And loud-voiced was his cheer. Oh, the thoughts he thought Were the wild-kid thoughts Of the amber joys of beer. The junior sat by the open fire Talking away with the boys; And the things he thought And the thoughts he talked Were of forbidden joys. The senior sat in his room alone Away from the social whirl. The thoughts he thought And the things he wrote Centered about "the" girl. "How long the months have seemed to me, For I have naught to do, But save my lips and arms and love. For you, just only you. Dear boy — oh won't you hurry. Won't the door bell ever ring And tell me that you've brought me. The joy just you could bring." THE SOCIOLOGICAL EXAMPLE In an erratic moment he asked her to marry him. It was when he was under the influence of a nemonlc moon and the perfume of the soft spring night. He suddenly became rational after he had made the great step. He was not sure whether he had done the correct thing or whether he had made a terrible error. "But first," he said tactfully, "I want to ask you some questions. We shall want to live amicably, you know." "Certa'niy," she replied. "Are you a feminist?" "No." "Do you belong to a peace league?" "No." "Are you fond of .symphony concerts and Persian cats?" "No." "Do you read the explanations at movies aloud?" "Never." "Then we were indeed made for one another," said he, and folded her in his arms. IN THE FAMILY Gin: "They say that insane fellow over there ie tfce son of an Economics professor." Fizz: "I see, hereditary.'' D n s D n DREAMING 16 _ji FORBIDDEN FESTIVITIES 1. Ye freshman head trimming, ye boue- jard bath, ye midnight concert. 2. Ye smoking of ye festive cigarette upon ye stately campus. 3. Ye cutting of ye classes before and after large celebrations. i. Ye pie for athletes. 5. Y'e regular hat for frosh. (3. T. N. E. 7. Ye mid-week dances. 8. Ye sitting upon ye Senior Bench. 9. Ye wine that is red, also ye wine that is white,, likewise ye beer that is amber. 10. Ye chorus lady and ye Orpheum girl. 9 a. 10 b. Ye excursion to Danville. WHY WAIT? Beggar: "Oh, kind sir, give me a little money, my wife is very sick." Pedestrian: "But only last week I gave you money to bury your wfe." Beggar: "Yes, sir, but this is a new wife.'' D n s n D ¥ ^^ u u ^ ^ < y WITHIN THE LAW D^lUy WE STILL HAVE A GRIP ON IT D D s n D A FOOTBALL RECESSIONAL To you it's all glamour and glory; To you it's all pleasure and fame; But the man who has played and has stuck unafraid- He knew it was more than a game. It was great to the rooters who shouted Over and over his name. But the man on the field — when the universe reeled- To him it was more than a game. You think you have earned a vacation, You think to repose you've a claim. The fellow who slaved for the vict'ry you craved— He's tired — from playing the game. So in your joys of Thanksgiving, Don't forget one small hymn to his name: The man who always kept fighting. When he knew it was more than a game. THANKSGIVING Let's drink to Thanksgiving, the four day vacation, The first breathing spell since the fall registration — The first chance for respite and recuperation. Oh, some will go home to visit the folks. And most of the rest of us (indolent blokes) Must stay here, and try hard, with study, to coax The profs to absolve us from procrastination. Spend the day where you please — spend it here, spend it there — At whatever board you may draw up your chair. The Thanksgiving custom's the same everywhere. Since Puritan days, according to fable, The Turkey must grace every Thanksgiving table, And each of us eats rather more than he's able And casts to the winds all discretion and care. IT DOESN'T PAY Commuter: "You didn't say 'thank you' when he gave you his seat in the car." Mrs. Commuter: "No, I didn't. I thanked a man yes- terday, but while I was doing it, another woman got the seat." n D s D n NOT SO MUCH AS FORMERLY Class President: "Is there any money in class poli- tics?" Ex-Class President: "It isn't my fault if there is. I did my best to get it all.'' WHY SOME GIRLS HATE THE MEN Perhaps she couldn't bake a cake. But how she dances. I'm sure she couldn't broil a steak. But how she dances. I wonder if she'd deign to think To sterilize the kitchen sink: She'd never do for a working gink. But how she dances. She couldn't make a simple dress, But how she dances. She couldn't knit a scarf, unless It was for dances. I know she couldn't paint a chair Or press a suit, or mend a tear; But watch her grab some millionaire, Oh, how she dances. She couldn't paint a landscape scene, But how she dances. Or paint a nut dish or tureen. But how she dances. I doubt if she could play or sing Or do a single useful thing, All she can do is dip and swing. Oh, how she dances. lm^'Ai=ii^-..it^^=~' He; "D'd ycu notice all the palms rt the Jewish ball last night ' She: "Yc;. Ihey ware e3 in evidence when anybody was tslking." n D S D D "IT I'AVS TO ADVEETISE" Rill Jenkins started out as an aiiilHtious artist niiy ; He starved, and didn't shave, and Avore a flow- inii; rlhbon tie. Tlie year.s went by, and tlien old I'ill jiot so that he coidd slinc; The paint s(» well that rich men nave him donjili and evervthinsj. He saved np more; and in an Institute they hung Ills jnnk; When eritics passed around (he praise he tiot Ihe bigfiest hunk. Today lie's ureat : he's famons and he has a million dollars, For he's the man who draws the heads above the * collars. Sam Brown, a dreamy-eyed and high-broweil poet of a child, When he was two years old wrote stuff that drove professors wild. When he was five they had his works in Ger- man, Spanish, Dutch — 'Twas said that next to him Lord Byron didn't count for much. And then as a reward to the creations from bis pate, The Kink of England slipped to him the Poet Laureate— But now for glory or for kale he need not give two Avhoops, For he has got the job of writing verse for * soups. When Emil T>nffnik first observed his cradle's massive heights, It took him just one minute to secure copy- I'ights On improvements which would make that cra- dle wondrous to behold — He wrote nine engineering works when he was ten years old. \A'hen he was twenty-.seven he invented a ma- chine ^Miiih did ])erpetual motion — he sure had a nifty bean. Today the greatest limelight of all science on him sliincs For he's the gook who made the * beer electric signs. Sii. frrsJuiKui. iii.sf fi>rf your deligh-t- ful column? 'Wliy. .l/(.s-ter .Ir-ber'. That isn't poetry'.' 'Sure it's poetry. It's blank verse." S D D "\Vhy," said the reporter, after his screams of mirth had subsided ; "why do you kid so much about beer in the Scoittf" "Because I like it!'' "What? You like beer! I daren't print that in the Siren! Why," said the reporter with a Salvation Army expression, "do you chew tobacco?" "Tho I can thpit— thee?" replied Red. "There are two Seont contribution boxes. Is there any particular rea.son for their existence, My. Arber?" "Sure, kid. "I want people to tliink I get contributions." "Don't you?" "I'es, I do. I am \\oru out at the end of ever}' daj' by the terrible nerve sti'ain of my job; that column is my brains and my brains only; I spend five hours each day locked in the seclu- sion of my room creating those light, clever lit- tle thinks which make breakfast a pleasure for you. And there isn't a cent in it for me, as I transferred my salary to supply the wants of a poor family in Urbana. The reason I'm so ftui- ny is because my life is tragic." "Mr. Arber, do they call you 'Red' because of your face or your hair?" "I'ecanse of mv colunui — that's read." 24 X. ME: SIRKiM. A LIGHT WORK OUT ANTICIPATION I wuz In bed-'n it was dark, 'N things wuz flyin" roun' — 1 kivered up my seein' eyes, Whew, but my ears did poun'. Thanksgivin' wuz next mornin'. 'N I mus' git a rest, So's I'd be well able, To stow my share o' breast. All a suddin' — ma cum in. With a turkey steamin' hot — Near as big as I am, Fresh out o' the pot. Well — pa begun a cussin', "This knife's dull as a hoe — The bird is made o' rubber." 'N other things, you know. Well — my share hit the ceilin', 'N sister's hit the shelf — Maw's wuz cut to ribbons, 'N paw had none himself. Stuffin' stuccoed all the room- The dishes hit the floor. Our dinner wuz all ruined. Jus' cause paw got sore. I laughed, it wuz so funny — We wuz hungry as a pup. Pa shook me so I rattled. Until he woke me up. Ma wuz holl'Pin' In my ear, "Come down and get some wood." It takes an orful fire, you know. To cook a turkey good. n D s n n UNNECESSARY Club: "What are you looking in the coat room all the time for?" Dances: "Oh, I was just watching my hat and coat." Club: "What are you afraid of? You don't see me watching mine, do you?" Dances: "No, you couldn't very well; somebody's got yours half an hour ago.'' n n s n n FORETHOUGHT Wise: "I'm glad I won't be going to school after this war." One: "Why is that?'' Wise: "Just think how much more history there wiB be to learn." In times gone by it was my wont so sing Of birdies, flowers, harbingers of spring And rot like that . But now, my worthy friends, I shape my powers of rhyme to greater ends. I sing of ladies, girls — the weaker sex — The gender that so winningly bedecks Itself in teasing garments — grey silk hose And skirts so sheer that everybody knows In just which state of health the wearers are — Or if they walk or if they go by car. The charms of Venus were no more displayed Than are the graces of our modem maid. And I am pleased to see conditions thus — You'll never see me making any fuss About girls' clothes, nor covering my face At sight of lovely damsel, clad in lace And other filmy textures, till it seems As were she clothed in that same stuff which dreams Are ma,de of. Ah, no, rather will I hold That best protection 'gainst our winters' cold, Is gained by proper hardening of parts That aj-e the most exposed to J. Frost's darts. And so I sing my song, "Wear what you will, "I'm for you till my loving heart is still." D D s n D MOTHER GOOSE COLUMN Tom, Tom, the preacher's son, Dropt in at a dance to see the fun. The dance was tame Till Tom's dad came And took him from that place of shame. BEDTIME Room: "Where ;n hell is my tooth brush?' Mate: "Where in hell did you put it?'' Sing a song of Chi game — Wine and beer on sale — Four and twenty students Locked up in a jail — When the jail is opened Students all will yell, "When the dean gets wise to this "Won't we all get hell?" A dlllar, a dollar, say I ain't a scholar; I always expect to flunk. A few of the sharks Get all the good marks. So those left for me are punk. Simple Student Was quite prudent, All he did was toil; While we saw sights He stayed in nights And burnt the midnight oil. Little Miss Muffett Entered a buffet To purchase a stein of brew; Along came a friend With a jitney to spend And said, "If that's beer, make it two.' AN "I" DOCTOR The rooming house had burned and they had lost all they had. "I have lost everything," said she. "You did not lose your beauty," said he. "Nor you your gallantry," said she. D n S D D HOUSIT? Who stroll aloug the sidelines whene'er the In- dians drill, Be it a secret practice or a ])ublic scrimmage mill; Who pass on every new play tried, and scrn- tinize each stnnt,, And know what tactics to employ in tackle, plunge or punt ; Who wear the thuuiljs of censorship, and rule by grin or frown. And thus control the destiny of our football renown ; Who ruin many cigarettes and swear most flu- ently, It's Zombro, Spalding and Jess Hill— the Board of Strategy. MUSICALLY INCLINED D D S n D WORSE Ike: "Buck up, old fellow; brave men fear neither God nor man." Bloom: "Ah, that's it. It's my wife." NOT A LAIVIE PROFESSOR Stude: "You're the lame professor, aren't you?" Professor: "I am lame, sir, and am a professor." A MOVIE THRILLER— JULIUS CAESAR IN SIX PARTS 27 WATCH THIS PAGE DANCING CLUB DATES watch this page Gridiron /-< x i -.r - ^ .. Dec 18— Colleee Crystal Varsity College Grange and Blue Jan.' 15— College Jan. 22— College Dec. 11— College Jan. 29— College Jan. 8— College MAKE YOUR DATES EARLY "Salvation Nell » Edward Sheldon's Play Is Filmed World Film presents the photoplay, "Salvation Nell," based on Edward Sheldon's suc- cessful drama of the same name. It was produced by the California Motion Picture Corpo- ration, who are starring Beatriz Michelena in the title role; there is a powerful supporting cast in the production which has the advantage of many beautiful settings and some superb photography. "Salvation Nell" clearly traces its source of inspiration to "All Sorts and Conditions of Men," written by the late Walter Besant. "Salvation Nell," the modern play, illustrates conditions which Booth saw and started to grapple with in the old world long before Mr. Sheldon produced his play. Still every credit is due Mr. Sheldon. Beatriz Michelena has the part of her life in that of the adventuress Nell, who after all her -vicious troubles and lurid vicissitudes is redeemed by the Army. November 18 r rillCGSS 1 llGStrC November 18. FOR ILLIQ PICTURES Make your appointment NOW with lUio Photographer The Aristo Studio 614 East Green Street, Champaign BELL PHONE 2741 AUTO PHONE 2118 Home Folks Like Good Chocolates When you pack your suit case for that home-going trip include a box of our famous For the dear ones at home Show 'em the best chocolates made <|| Sis, especially, will be glad you came home. Made and sold only by D. E. HARRIS 608 East Green Street Victrolas and Victor Records Phone for the Record you want wc will deliver it. Leslie's Drug Store llrbana ANNOUNCEMENT Tlie RAY L. BOWMAN Jewelry Co. of Champaigu, Illinois, announces that, on or about November fifteenth, 1915, it will open a complete jeweliy shop in the new Hamilton building (site for- merly occupied in Walker Opera House.) The firm is fortunate in having for its manager, Miss Bay L. Bowman, whose long experience and widely known judgment in Diamond)?, Watches and Jewelry commend her in the Twin Cities and throughout the surrounding countiy to all lovers of reliable thing.s in this Hue of uoods. KNOW die joy of a Bradley Sweater Coat. There's no better time than \\'hile in college to get the utmost benefit from a Bradlev. It's the sweater you'll bring back each year— the sweater you'll cherish throughout your course and for years after as your fondest possession. For the longer and harder you wear your Bradley, the more you appreciate its fine mak- ing, sturdy shape and style, and warm, companionable comfort. All styles, all weights, all prices. For sale by mot ijood cica'i s Free style book on request BRADLEY KNITTING CO., Delavan, Wis. KLlMJU!J.^aaSiSi^ii^llVmi^--,^MI I Order Your Limousine or Carriage Now for the Prom t THE CHESTER TRANSFER CO. "Gracious 1 That skirt is to tiglit tliat I can plainly see what you have in your poclie*. !" "But I have no poclvet." "Then what is that lump?" "Oh, that's a mosquito bite!'" — Houston Post. He: "Do you feel very wiclied now that you have tried the new dance?" She; "Well. I feel more danced against than danc- ing'' — Life, I Catering to Those Who Appreciate The Best in Photography Phone Main 35 38 N. Neil St. Champaign, 111. ■HI t^vnm-. Good Sport and Good Smoke Go Together There's more crisp, brisk, youthful vigor in an ounce of "Bull" Durham than in a pound of any other tobacco ever rolled up into a cigarette. It's the co-partner of the go-ahead spirit — the delight of the fresh, unjaded taste that goes with enthusiasm and energy. This grand old tobacco — the favorite of three generations — is today the liveliest smoke in the whole world. o^nuine: Bull Durham SMOKING TOBACCO Within the last two years the "roll-your-own" idea has spread amazingly. Thousands of men have learned that their own hand- rolled "Bull" Durham cigarettes have a freshness and fragrance impossible to obtain in any other way. Made exclusively from mild, ripe Virginia- North Carolina "bright" tobacco leaf, "Bull" Durham is unique in its mellow-sweet flavor. 1 ry it once and you'll smoke it always. rH' l^ triT ^" illustrated Booklet, showing correct way to "Roll ^■our f' fX r^r. Own" Cigarettes, and a package of cigarette papers, will both be mailed, free, to any address in U. S. on request. Address "Bull" Durham, Durham, N. C. Room 1400. Ask for FREE package of "papers" with each 5c sack THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY Have Your Printinj; Done By The Courier Company Dealers In High Grade Printing Skilled Workmen Large Equipment First-Class Materials Fraternity Magazines Dance Programs Superior Stationery PLAIN TO BE SEEN. Niff: "She wears too thin skirts, don't you think?" Biff: "No, only one." — Chaparral. n D s D D "Speaking of debutantes, did you see Miss Smythe coming out?" "No, by the time I got there they had her fastened in with a couple of shoulder straps." — Bos- ton Globe. A POSER "He who puts his hand to the plow," screamed the crossroads orator, "must not turn back!" "What is he to do when he gets to the end of a fur- rer '' asked the auditor in the blue jean overalls. — Youth's Companion. D D S D D UNCERTAIN "Have you purchased your new car yet, Mrs. Noo' rich?" asked the visitor. "No, Mr. Smithers, I ain't. I can't make up my mind whether to get a gasoline car or a limousine car. Maybe you can tell me — does limousine smell as bad as gasoline? inquired the lady. — Harper's Weekly. D D S D D TOO EXPENSIVE Two little sisters, who were taken to see "Othello," were much impressed by the death scene. ",1 wonder if they kill a lady every night?" said Lucy. "Why, of course not, Lucy," said her sister; "they just pretend to. It would be altogether too expensive to really kill a lady every night." — Wasp. D D s D D IN THESE DAYS. Wife: "You say you saw Miss Flickering walking on the avenue. What did she have on?" Husband: "I can't recall." Wife: "Well, she must have had on something." Husband: "Quite possible my dear; I probably over- looked it" — Life. .The PARK Quality House Paramount Pictures The Pipe Organ and Comfort CONNIE MACK SPEAKS August 26. 1915. Mr. J. S. Wellman. City Passergcr Agent, Illinois Tr-ctlon System, Saint Louis. Your road is all tv-t you claim It to be - "The Road of Good Service." >ty club played a ga-ne In Peoria this week, .ind being scheduled to play here on tne following day. ue used your sleeping-car service from Peoria to St. Louis. The service war excellent, and It i/as quite a treat to get avay from the dust and cinders incidental to travel on I know that I express the sentiments of all the members at the Philadelphia American League Baseball Club when 1 say that we had a most enjoyable trip, and I assure you that we will again avail ourselves of the opportunity of uslr.g your eervice when it presents itself Veiy tru3,- yours. Ci^^i^^ff^ He finds the ILLINOIS TRACTION SYSTEM "THE ROAD OF GOOD SERVICE" Souder Cleaning for the Illini ^ OME things around school are taken for granted. Cadet Hops hop at the i3 Armory, Cigarette Butts go in the Celebration Urn, Freshmen don't sit on the Senior Bench, Love-ly times are to be had on the South Campus and Souder cleans clothes clean! These things are axioms, just like Zupp turns out Conference Champ teams! L B. SOUDER CLEANING— DYEING -PRESSING Right in Champaign "Well, Major, I notice thai you're runnin' for office again " "No, sir; it's the same old run. I got started years ago and I can't stop myself." — Atlanta Constitution. Bix: I always go by the motto. "If you'd have a thing done well, do it yourself." Dix: Yes, but suppose you want a haircut? — Boston Transcript. THE COLLEGE TALK 1st Natl. Bank Bids. Hoover's Barber Shop When the Football Season Is Over WHENthefootgall season is over — when the Thanks- giving vacation is only a memory — when the real grind of school work begins — when everyone is in the mood to work — that's the time to get things started on your school annual. THAT'S the time, too— at the very beginning of your plans — when you most need the service and assist- ance of a reUable engraver. Write for our "Policy Book," explaining how we can be of service to you. The Indianapolis Engraving & Electrotyping Company FIFTH FLOOR WULSIN BUILDING INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA O TAILOR clothes both wisely and well; to make every garment individually and sep- arately to fit you and your individuality — this is the work of the Pitsenbarger & Flynn shop. Furthermore, they take care of your clothes after they're made, as only good Tailors know how to take care of them. PITSENBARGER & FLYNN Tailors to P articular Illini ON GREEN STREET Mrs. McTaggart: Hoots! Dinna fash yersel', Mc- Taggart! 'Twas a bad shillin' I gave him! The McTaggart: A bad shillin'! Ma conscience— sic— extravagence! Wuman, had ye no bad sarpence — Sydney Bulletin. D D S D D "Look at this beautiful castle." "Don't bother me. How can I read the guide book it you keep pestering me to look at rocks and castles?"— Washington Herald. Patronize O. E. SHOBE & CO, The Transfer and Livery People. Baggage Line in Connection. We Cater to Students. Opposite Fire De- partment. URBANA J. F. WEBSTER &CO. Poultry, Butter Eggs, Smoked Meats Cheese, Lard Compound and Morris Oleomargerine Get Our Prices for Banquets and Dinners Roll Your Favorite Tobacco in Riz La Croix Paper and you will get a better flavor, relish and enjoyment from your cigarette than ever before. Because you will get only the pure, fresh fragrance of the tobacco — which explains the universal preference for Riz La Croix Papers among smokers of experience, (Pronounced: REE-LAH-KROY) FAMOUS CIGARETTE PAPERS They are so pure, light and thin — their combustion is so perfect — that there is absolutely no taste of paper in the smoke. They are strong, do not burst in rolling, and are naturally adhesive, because made from the best flax linen. Entirely pure and health- ful, because exclusively a vegetable product, j._ interesting, illustrated Booklets — about RIZ LA CROIX Cigarette Papers, the other ving how to "Roll Your Own" cigarettes — sent anywhere in U S. on request Address The American Tobacco Company, Room 1401, lU Fifth Avenue, NewYork. At The Willis Store— Hundreds of Beautiful Serge Dresses Modes of Refinement and Character Different and unusual mod- els, but not a bit faddish or freakish. They have the well-bred air, the quiet good taste true to the highest ideals of refined mode. \oc should see them. Vrices from $6.75 to $25 ( V^ G. C. Willis C.\.\MP.\IGN The Illinois Billiard Hall On the way to the Orpheum C. E. CAVANAUGH MANAGER THE UNIVERSITY DRUG STORE B. E. SPALDING PROPRIETOR Sundries, Toilet Articles, Golf Clubs and Golf Balls. 6th. & Green St. Champaign, Illinois NOT so BAD "A penny for your thoughts," chirped the young lady. "Well, I've had worse offers from publishers," re- sponded the poet. — Kansas CMy Journal. D D S D D "What attitude shall I assume during the campaign?" asked the new candidate. "I would suggest an easy posture at a desk,'' an- swered his more experienced manager, "with a check book in one hand and a fountain pen in the other." — LouisvLI'.e Courier- Joural. The Best Gift For The Best Girl A box of "Mead's" new "Bitter- Sweet" chocolates. Pound and half pound boxes 60c p er pound. • "Perfection in Confection" Big Time Headline Acts Due at Orpheum Novemher 18, 19. 2D and 22, 23, 24 Guerro and Carmen European Duo of Violin and Haip Artists Lowell and Esther Drew Ih "FUN IN A DRUG STORE" Travette s Military Dogs A Bow-Wow Act Most Original Johnson and Day The Butler and the Maid Rice, Sully and Scott Genuine Eccentric Comedians For the 22 nd, 23rd, and 24th 'The trained Nurses," a Menlo Moore Miniature Mu- sical Comedy with a company of 14. Svengali, the Dog with a Human Mind. Ford & Hewitt in their Burlesque of the Society Dancing Craze. Bertie Fowler, the Inter- national Favorite, in an Original Character Monologue, and the Clairmont Brothers in comedy Aerial Revolving Act. All this in one bill. THE NEW ORPHEUM THEATRE Metropolitan Vaudeville — — Movie Prices COMING— Nov. 25th 'The Style Revue," a Fashion Sen- sation. Four other headline acts— yes. Four. This is the Picture of a Kindly Man It is Velvet Joe, the genial philosopher of the pipe. His outlook on life is that of a man who loves his fellows— who has faith in them— and who believes in gentle words and cheery helpfulness. And why is Velvet Joe kindly and cheerful ? Because, to a naturally sunny disposition, he has added the wisdom and ripeness of years. As Velvet Joe says : " Ev'rything, good or bad, gets mo' so with age. Thar ain't even no fool like an o/e fool This is the Picture of a Kindly Tobacco It is VELVET— the smoothest smoking tobacco. Like Velvet Joe, it hails from Kentucky— the land of many good things— but none better than the rich Kentucky Burley, the choicest leaves of which go into the blending of VELVET. Like Velvet Joe, VELVET tobacco owes its pleasant mellowness to the improvement that comes only with age. For VELVET tobacco ii ripened for two years, durmg which anything resembling "bite" is removed and ths tobacco is mellowed into a fragrant, full-flavored quality that justifies its claim of "The Smoothest Smoking Tobacco." You must have good tobacco to start with, and age to improve it and make it "mo' so." VELVET is right tobacco to begin with and the years of ageing mature and mellow it. ~haj bee lOc Tins 5c Metal-lined Bags One Pound Glass Humidors rrjMtjiCjcxiOsCaoeo C-x THE BEAUTY NUMBER THEJ^IREN pr *sr«, |. n I V Vol. v., Numbftf 4 Waiting for You (J Our Christmas display is now being shown and the very gift that you have been thinking of is w^aiting for you to come and carry it away. C|[ With it are numerous other appro- priate and useful gifts which you are sure to be interested in. The Co-Op THE ILLINOIS GIFT PALACE IF YOU ARE WISE, SEE iT PAYS TO ADVERTISE" YOU CAN'T GO WRONG ITS THE BEST BET OF THE SEASON AT THE ILLINOIS THEATRE SATURDAY' MATINEE and NIGHT, DEC. ISth Night Prices 50c to $1.50. iVlatinee Prices 50c to $1.00 SEATS AT BOX OFFICE — H\RR.IS CO.VFEG FIONERY -- QUIRK DRUG STORE Vlail t»rders Given Prompt attention -Teleph'ne Bell 333 -Auto 4535 KNOW the joy of a Bradley Sweater Coat. There's no better time than while in college to get the Utmost benefit from a Bradley. It's the sweater you'll bring back each year — the sweater you'll cherish throughout your course and for years after as your fondest possession. For the longer and harder you wear your Bradley, the more you appreciate its fine mak- ing, sturdy shape and style, and warm, companionable comfort. All styles, all weights, all prices. For sale by most good dealers. Free style hook on request. BRADLEY KNITTING CO., Delavan, Wis. Classified List of Advertisers. Bakeries Reickhoff 3 Jones 8 Barbers G. C. Ehrgott 9 C. L. Hoover 35 Book Stores Co-Op Inside Front Cover D. H. Lloyde 28 Confectioners Bradley 4 Thornhill 4 D. H. Harris 29 White and Gold 3 Frank Mead 3 Clothiers and Haberdashers Cluett, Peabody & Co 6 Marshall 4 Zombro ^0 Drugs Leslie ■^•^ Spaulding 6 Groceries and Meats J. F. Webster & Co 5 Jewelers Ray L. Bowman 31 A. E. Wuesteman 3 T. H. Craig 9 Laundries Soft Water 8 Miscellaneous Twin City Creamery 30 L. B. Souder 33 Ind. Engr. & Elect. Co 33 Beardsley 33 Wozencraft & Finder 8 Bradley Sweaters 1 Globe Wernicke 30 Lyon & Healy 6 G. C. Willis 36 G. R. Grubb & Co 8 Williams Bros. . . .Inside Back Cover Illinois Central 31 I. T. S 35 Printers University Press 30 Twin City Printing Co 36 Photographers Photo Art Shop 36 Strauch 9 Renne 5 Pool and Billiards Illinois Billiard Hall 35 J. P. Cavanaugh 6 Newman 4 Leseure 10 Restaurants Crumb Shelf 3 Alamo 4 Theatres Belvoir 9 Colonial 10 Illinois 1 Lyric 5 Orpheum 32 Park 36 Princess 28 Tobaccos Bull Durham 7 Fatima 34 Merak 5 Velvet Back Cover Transfer Companies Chester Transfer Co 29 O. E. Shobe & Co 8 Consult the dance date page for Club Dances. Page 28. These people have something of inter- est to tell you. Read their ads. They're worth while. Christmas Shopping Made easy if you come to the "Hallmark" Store. "Hallmark'- stands for the BEST and always a lower price than others charge for goods not up to the same standard. See our Line of Gentlemen's Belts — ster- ling silver self lock'ng Buckle — tine leather strop — 30 different patterns — $5.00 value for $3.50 Weusteman JEWELER AND DIAMOND MERCHANT Hallmark Store Hallmark Store Fill The Cake Basket with the product of our ovens and you'll be able to offer family and friends the finest cakes they ever tasted. Choose your favorite variety for we bake all kinds and bake them so skillfully they are the envy and despair of home bakers. They cost so much less than the home-baked, too. The Reickhoff Bakery 213 S. Neil St. Champaign, II Contrast — "Why are all the women in the neighbor- hood so fond of Mrs. Homely's society?"' 'Because any one of them in her company, ap- pears beautiful in comparison." — St. Louis Republic. I never saw September Morn, And though I'd like to see her, If she is like the picture, then I'd rather see than be her. — Medley. Student Crumb 506 EAST GREEN Shelf Hot Soup, Chili 10c Hot Cocoa 5c Hot Coffee 5c Sandwiches of all kinds 5c The White and Gold Confectionery Wishes All the Illinois Students a Merry Christ- mas and a Happy New Year MAIN STREET URBANA Always Something New At Marshall's ^fly Hats and Caps — "Just In" Furnishings— "The Latest'" Neckwear — "Loud aud ^lodest" Suits— "Made to Fit" Anderson Is The Tailor Dress Suits for the Occasion Note The Place Arcade Haberdashery Be Blwa^s An Appropriate Gift A 5 lb. Box of Candy Whi'man's Allegretti's Foss' Morse's Belch's That's the why we have them Hrcabe Confectionery J>k. R, C -A. O THE ALAMO THE, HOME OF GOOD THIKGS TO EAT OPEN ALL THE TIME Meal Tickets $5.00 for $4.50 L D. STEWART BRADLEY ARCADE Something Different A Logical Gift Cigars Cigarettes Tobacco In beautiful Christmas packages. <]|Dad would appreciate one of these. Come In and see ?hem. (jfA Merry Christ- mas and a Happy New Year to the Arcade Boys. Arra&^ ItUmrb parlnr DEWEY NEWMAN. Prop. BRADLEY ARCADE S. A. EHRMAN. Manager Get Ready Early With Your Christmas Orders. Will Take Them Anytime. J. F. WEBSTER & CO. 71 East University Ave. CHAMPAIGN, : ILLINOIS Officer— Why, what's the matter with this? That's excellent soup. Private — Yes, sir — that's what we saz, sir. Offiftcer — Very well, then. What's the complaint? Private^It ain't the soup, sir, it's the cook. 'E calls it stew. — Punch. D D S n D Calves may come, and calves may go, hut bull goes on forever. — Longhorn. Catering to Those Who Appreciate The Best in Photography Phone Main 35 38 N. Neil St. Champaign, CHAMPAIGN, ILL. PRESENTING High Class Feature Programs CHANGED D.MLY EVERY EVERY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY FEATURES SUPREME "FEATURES DE LUXE" From the From the FOX FILM V. L. S. E. FEATURE CORPORATION CORPORATION Coming Soon Atiita StGwart Admission Ten Cents. THE PERFECT TURKISH BLEND FIFTY MERAKS IN BEAUTIFUL. MAHOGANY- FINJSHED HUMIDOR %rJ. MERAK CIGARETTES FINEST PURE TURKISH TOBACCO GROWN ONE DOLLAR Sent at our expence to any address inthe United States on the receipt of $1. Ideal for Holiday Gift. Handy Mahog- any-Finished Humidor, opens hy merely pressing centre of nickel-plated metal cover. Closes by pressing edges of cover. Write today. MATHUES BROS., Inc. 79 Fifth Avenue New YoH( City THE UNIV ERSITY DRUG S TORE B. E. SPALDING PROPRIETOR Perfumes and Toilet Waters Cigars In Christmas Boxes 6th. & Green St. Champaign, lUinois G^onchestei^ DRESS SHIRTS The bosom of a DOKCHESTER SHIRT- like good manners — is never out of place. The lower end of the bosom, being free, slides over the trouscr band, instead of buckling up and bulging out of the waist- coat opening. Sl-50, S2.00 and $300 C.LUETT. PEABODY if CO. \cc l.lAKF.RS TROY, N Y. I get sentimental whenever I see her. There's goime- th'ng about her that reminds me of the past. What's that? Her clothes. — Record. n D S D D "I hear Kittie's not taking her meals at Grad Hall any more?" "No; there were too many ugly roomers about ihe place." J. P. Cavanaugh's NEW BILLIARD PARLOR Stern Building, 324 North Hici. Lummis. D D S D D I offered my heart to Beauty; She smiled and looked me o'er, Then she threw it into discard, And marked one on her score. 15 J ] § ^ '»^ 3i I RE W THE PEELING OF THE BELLE D D INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT MEN ;}. Ken liarhir "(!(»(i(l inornin}^, Mr. Barber," said tlio Siren reporter. "Aw — all — what— nil — is it?" said the ed- itor of the Illinois Magazine. "Do 3-ou believe in righteousness?" "(rot a cigarette? Not a cheap Pall Mall— a cigarette! You're liopeless, like the rest of them about this campus. Nobody but me, it seems, smokes impoi-ted Afghanistanese tobacco. A fellow was — " "Pardon me, but do you believe in right- eousness?" "What? Ilow'd y' like the shirt, kid? Em- erson Spence ordered it especially for me from the same material that the Pshaw of Persia has WHY IS IT? Man's a funny sort of thing, He's brave as brave can be, He'll give his life up for a cause, Be shot or downed at sea. And with the bullet In his breast, And bleeding as he lies, He'll murmur low some woman's name. And smile before he dies. He'll laugh as death approaches. And pain and suffering, too. If he knows a certain girl. Who's faithful and is true. But if he thought her faithful. Thought of her as his, And you told him that she wasn't, He'd say, "You lie, she is." And when he really realized. That she had been untrue, And had given her caresses, To some other fellow, too. No torture, pain or suffering. No wounds or threatened death, Brought half the anguish to his soul, As did that scandal's breath. And he in midst of hardships. Had sung and laughed the while. When wounded and in awful pain. He'd borne it with a smile. And yet a word from just a girl, Brought tears that no pain could. Yet knowing it, some day we'll fall, You can't blame us if we should. D D his wives' kimonas made from. Do you think my i)auts need a pressing?" "Do you believe in right — " "Did you ask why I made the Scout so often? Well—" "No, Mr. Barber, I wanted to know if you believed in—" "Don't these highbrows around here give you a pain? I'm a lowbrow. Low as they make 'em. Uh— ah — I'm in favor of disorder and irre- sponsibilitj' in the community. J' ever see cuff links like these? Me for the real life with the regular fellers." "Ex — cuse me, but do you — " "Righteousness? That means being good, doesn't it. Uh— well, it's a fine thing for wom- en." BEAUTY AND THE PROF As a P. G. he was such A nifty young man — Oh, he wore sunset ties And a cane. His clothes were so tight That at night he would peel Them off. For before And for after a meal He had diffVent sized vests; And his shirts and socks ran To five bones and up, In the main. But one day they gave him His doctor's degree — Right away his new suit He ripped off. He hied himself hence To a second-hand store. And at the expense of Two dollars — not more — Bought a shabby old suit Yards too big, and now he Is a recognized, Regular prof. D D S D D Supple body — not too slim, Langour in her stretch of limb Eyes with light o love a-brim, Figure fair to see — Eyes that melt and almost close, Lips as ruby red as rose Lips that curve like Cupid bows Invitation in her pose — J That's the girl for me. D c s n D HELP Percy: "I would hardly know yoii, Ann, you have changed so in appearance." Ann: "For the better?'- Percy: "Ah, Ann, you coiiUl only change for the bet- ter." Ann: "Oh, Percy, how dear of you." D D S D D STILL FELT THE EFFECTS "Are you completely recovered from the ty- Brown: phoid?" Smith: to pay yet.' "Not altogether — there are a few bills I have Drunk: "Shay, one a my legs ish shrinkin'." Also Drunk: "Maybe — hie— your righ, — but your walkin' wi one foot in shu gutter." SHE KNEW Isa: "Can you imag ne how 1 felt when he put his arms around me?" Belle: "I sure can." PROCESSES The Beauty Spot is the union label of beautiful women. It places the wearer at once among the elite, transports her into the realm of romance, into the atmos- phere of Djer Kiss. The BEAUTY Spot is a variable constant. Today it is bewitchingly close to haunting crimson tinted lips, to- morrow it breaks the soft whiteness of the cheek like a clod of dirt in a snow bank. The Beauty Spot has sent philosophers to Kankakees, has unfrocked priests, has lured men from the straight and narrow since the Siren of the Nile first planted it on her left cheek to cover up a mole. Mark Antony was its first victim. King Manuel lost a throne for it and Nat Goodwin his first sixteen wives. The Beauty Spot is a sure sign that the wearer ad- mits she is beautiful. It is a sign of the times. Mostly good times. It is the one ball over the family entrancel to a pleasant evening and an aching head. D D S D D JUST A GIRL John: "1 thought Alice was interesting today." Jawn: "Why, all slio talked about was the fash'ons in hair and hats." John: "I know, but she usually talks about herself." D D S D n VALUABLE INFORMATION Robber (discovered in hallway) : "I'll go away, but don't have me arrested." Husband: "You're free to go — if you tell me how you got up the stairs without wal RIECKHOFF BAKERY ^^^^^^J^^>^^\ OUR LAYER CAKES are simply perfect, Cream, clioco- J^^S^^P^'^'^^^S. late, jelly or fruit, they are nothing less than delicious. ^^QBB» / J m Try them the next time you want to give your guests some- WVS^V ^ ^Ai \ thing exceptionally line in the cake line. The guests will like ailgaaJMBllw 213 South Neil St. CHAMPAIGN The Chester Transfer Co. CHAMPAIGN, ILLINOIS ....TAXI RATES. ..: Get Ready Eary To or from Depot,in Champaign. 1 passenger .50c Each additional passenger 25c From one house t(t another, 1 passenger . . . .50c With Your Christmas Orders. Will Take Them Anytime. East of Wright street to Lincoln avenue, 1 pas- senger 75c Ea^ch additional passenger 25c East of Lincoln avenue to Market street, 1 or 2 passengers fl.OO Each additional passenger 50c Special Limousine or Taxicab J. F. WEBSTER & CO. 71 East University Ave. CHAMPAIGN, : ILLINOIS Minimum charge for 1, 2 or 3 passengers, one way $1.50 Theatre and Party Work One couple alone, round trip $2.00 Two or three couples together, each $1.50 Buy Twin City Creamery BUTTER From Your Grocer The PhilbrickQift Shop Hamilton Arcade Gifts Out of the Ordinary SKA TES Get ready for the ice with a good. pair of skates. Prices Right John H. Doyle 28 Main St. We Are Not a "Jack of All Trades," But -■ We are specialists on plumbing and heating repair work. Make us prove it.^ WOZETCRAFT & FINDER BOTH PHONES The New Pep Last For young men, black and taa ; Rubber Sole or Hard Sole. Three grades— $3.50, 4.00 and 5.00 Light Dress Rubbers A Last for Every Shoe THE QUALITY SHOE MEN CURRY & TAYLOR Reimond Bldg. Main St. URBANA, ILL. "Has Jack any artistic ability?" "The only thiag I ever seen him draw was a cork." — Jestor. D D s n n Adam: "Time must hang heavy on your hands." Eve: "Why honey?" Adam (recklessly) : "Well, you wear a wrist watch." — Jester. D D S D D He: "Do you believe in M'aredneasT" She: "Well, I wouldn't mind being in arms." — Jester. Below the level in location But highest in standard of workmanship. Hoover's Sanitary Barber Shop 1st. National Bank Building Will YOU try a sensible cigarette ? I Fatimas have a taste that wins most men on the first trial. That must be true. Otherwise, Fatimas would not be outselling every other cigarette costing over five cents. Butwhat keeps men soloyal to Fatimas is that Fatimas play fair in every ivay. They never taste ''hot" or leave a "sand paper tickle" after smoking. Fatimas are truly a sensi- ble cigarette because — they are always caol and com- fortable to the throat and tongue and — they leave one feeling tip-top even after a long smoking day — they are packed in a common- sense, inexpensive package. The value is in the cigarettes Their Turkish blend of all-pure tobaccos is com- bined in such a way as to make them always comfort- ably mild, yet rich in good tobacco-character. Fdtima vas the only cigareiic awarded the GRAXn PRIZE, the highest award given to any cigarette, at the Panama- Pacific hlteimational Exposition., BLervo ^ ,^ <^ A Sensible Cigarette ■lO for 15** D-4 Bell Phone 1584; 1585 Auto Phone 1219 Roberts & Grant 113 S. NEIL STREET Wholesale and Retail Meats, Fish, Poultry and Provisions We invite inspection of our new plant at 113 south Neil street. All modern equipment espe- cially fitted for the proper handling of heavy busires-. Optical Work In all its branches— the lilting of lenses to your eyes by a registered Optometrist— ihe match- ing and grinding of your broken lenses done on short notice. See the "Everlockt" mounting No screv^ s, no holes, no wabbly lenses. Wuesteman Registered Optom< tri^t Champaign's Quality House PRESENTING A High Class Feature Program CHANGED DAILY EVERY FRIDAY Features DeLuxe From V. L. S. E. COMING JANUARY 28 "The Blindness Of Virtue" EVERY WEDNESDAY FEATURES SUPREME FROM The Fox Film Company COMING— ROBERT MANTELL Champaign, Illinois PLACE OF HONOR. "Yes, Jones is a prominent member of our fraternity." "What's his official capacity?" 1 "Oh, several gallons." n D S D D She: "Why is it they always say 'The shades of night are falling fast'.?" He: "Because the people inside are going to bed." — Purple Cow. When you think of photographs you naturally think of Photo Art Shop CO-OP BUILDING Second Floor SUCCESS The man who is successful knows the value of good tailoring; the man who desires success will learn its value ; the man who cares nothing for success doesn't exist. Order Anderson Clothes and Be Successful "Marshall" Bradley Arcade 0pp. Library Wanted ! ! ! 500 handsome boys to buy 500 boxes of candy thus making 500 beautiful girls happy at the places of "No Disappointments" Hvcabe Coiitectioncv>2 OF COURSE ^f^ Jb^ C jc^ THE ALAMO wmyif THE HOME OF GOOD THINGS TO EAT OPEN ALL THE TIME Meal Tickets $5.00 for $4.50 L D. STEWART BRADLEY ARCADE Find here a selection of cigars and cigar- ettes, imported y and domestic, i \ icmnj that make smok- 'i^j^ ing a pleasure indeed. A new line of fine cigars and tobaccos was added on January i. PERFECT SMOKING CONDITION means here, that tobaccos are kept in the right degree of humidit}' and temperature, and you get exactly what you want all the time. ARCADE BILLIARD PARLORS CIGARS, CIGARETTES LESEURE'S SMOKE HAVEN CIGARS CIGARETTES BILLIARDS 616 EAST GREEN STREET Gifts for Every Occasion ■MP Carved Wood, Reasonably Priced. Card Plate Engraving, Antique Jewelry Repair- ing a special feature. ^Vatch, Clock and Jewelry Repairing Given Careful and Prompt Attention. Diamonds, Cut Glass, Clocks, Pottery Leather, Satisfaction Guaranteed Ray L. Bowman Jewelry Company Hamilton Building Champaign, ill. TRIANGLE PLAYS TRIANGLE PLAYS are the productions of D. W. Griffith, Thomas H. Ince and Mack Sen- nett. TRIANGLE PLAYS are the greatest motion pictures in the world because they are produced by the three directors acknowledged to be the three greatest in the world. TRIANGLE PLAYS are shown in Urbana and Champaign at THE COLONIAL exclusively. D. W. Griffith, the world-famed director of "A Birth of a Nation," is the acknowledged peer of producers. Griffith supervises the direction of all Triangle-Fine-Arts productions. THOMAS H. INCE, next to Griffith, is con- sidered the foremost dramatic producer. Ince su- pervises the direction of all Triangle-Kay-Bee productions. MACK SENNETT. the originator of Keystone comedies, is acknowledged to be the supreme pro- ducer of comedy films. Sennett supervises the production of all Triangle-Keystone comedies. Each TRIANGLE PROGRAM is made up of a five or si.x reel feature by either Griffith or Ince and a two or three reel comedy by Sennett. Each program is shown at THE COLONIAL two days. TRIANGLE PLAYS are shown at THE CO- LONIAL on TUESDAYS, WEDNESDAYS, THURSDAYS and FRIDAYS. SPECIAL MUSICAL FEATURES are writ- ten for each TRIANGLE PLAY by Joseph Carl Briel, who prepared the score for "The Birth of a Nation," and J. E. Numberger, two of Ameri- ca's best musical directors. This is the first time that music has been thematized and synchronized to the films and insures music fitting action of the pictures. The COLONIAL FOUR PIECE ORCHES- TRA, under the direction of Norman J. Lenhart, will interpret the special musical scores for all TRIANGLE PLAYS. TRIANGLE means QUALITY ! TRIANGLE has the same significance to the motion picture world that "sterling" has to silverware. COLONIAL THEATRE It's only human nature, to blame the other guy, And when an accident occurs, to say "It wasn't I." And so it is when we fail to get a passing grade, The Profs the one who gets the blame, it's no mistake we made. We damn him in our inner souls, and only wish we might. Put our clenched fist beneath his nose, and curse him till he'd fight. When really if we'd cogitate, we'd realize that it's true. That if we'd learned the things he taught, we would have gotten thru. or "Isn't the Government perfectly horrid over the in- come tax. .1 suppose your husband's income is taxed too." "Yes, dear, to its utmost." D D S D a NOWADAYS He: Do you believe in love in a cottage? She: I^ersonally, I think it's more convenient if one lias a flat very near the carline. n n s D D THE ETERNAL TRIANGLE This is, no dreary tale of love and remorse. Scandal or heart breaks, early divorce. Two men and a woman enter not in this story, Nor love sighs and amours and duels that are gory. 'Tis a glad III' effusion of worldly bliss. It mingles not moonlight, girly nor kiss. It's theme is alone the triangle of cheer. Fireside, cigarettes ^nd good lager beer. As ills of our college, kick them out at che door They're bound to be back again asking for more. Courses are flunked, fair careers blighted As round the fireside, sit the brothers united. As the smoke up the chimney circles and curls As the smoke from the pill eddies and swirls The cares of the world to the next we will send As the keg is rolled in and tipped upon end. This story to great size might burgeon and grow If the Dean and his office would kindly lay low It's a night full of pleasure, a semester, a year With fireside, tobacco and good lager beer. It Is gay conversation and warm, pleasant naps. Classes are cut till the Dean soundeth taps Yea verily brothers there would be more of us here Were not not for the fireside, cigarettes and the beer. THE LAND OF DREAMS The night was cold and dreary And the snow was rushing by Each howling blast Seemed yet more fast And furious from the sky. The fire burned low. The embers Fell with little bursts of flame. As 1 sat there In my easy chair I dreamed and visions came. I dreamed I saw a goblin Peep forth from behind a coal His sooty face Made a grimace As he hopped out from the bowl. His voice was thin and piping Seemed like a tree frog's croak And as i gazed His arm he raised And this is what he spoke. "I come from the land of dreams From the land of the make believes. The land where nothing is what it seems The land where no one grieves. I come to take you away with me Where you'll have your heart's desire Come along with me and you shall see Of the land behind the fire. You shall live in a beautiful palace of gold In a garden that's filled with flowers And a beautiful girl as your wife to hold Through the song filled sunlight hours. A banquet shall be in your honor spread On a table that's loaded down With wine and honey and sweet meat bread On your head shall be placed a crown. And this is the land where you never grow old For you drink of the waters of Leer And this is the land where you never grow cold Where the Springtime is ever near So come with me to the land of dreams To the land of the make believes We will wander along its enchanted streams And rest 'neath its bay tree leaves." The fire burned low. The flames there Had ceased their fantastic sway 'Twas midnight stroke And I awoke. The goblin had gone away. n n R n n AT THE CARD TABLE Bridge: In this world you never get something for nothing. Fiend: Why, I just gave you 20 for a chicane. HIS LAST FINAL Editor-in-Clhief Businests Mannqer 'WIS Elliott S. Miller Paul D. Amsbary Associate Editor Roger Hill J. n. TlCKXOR S. D. Hauwood Harold Turner Carlton Healy R. W. Thompson Art Editor C. A. Klein Advertising Manager A. M. kiRCHER STAFF \. N. Clark A. S. Van Deusen M. B. Ware J. K. Barber E. Malapert Philip Corper J. F. Bailey A. A. Dailey I. L. LUMMIS C. M. Ettinger Circulation Manager F. C. NORLIN Sampson Raphaelson C. W. Campbell Don V. Chapman F. H. MacElvain F. W. Patton I'liblished montlily by the students of the Unwersiti/ of Illinois during the college year. Entered as second class matter at postoffice at Urbana, III., under Act of Congress, Ma/rch 3, 1879. Office of publicativn, Urbana Couri&r Company, Urbana, III.. Subscription 50 cents pei- year in ad- vance. Out of town subscriptions $0.75; single copies cents. All business communications should be sent to Paul D. Amsbary, 70(> W. Green Street, Urbana, III. Contributions either art or literary should be sent to Elliott S. Miller, 410 East Green Street. HY do students; flunk? Manifold are the reasons, and manifold the ex- cuses they give their fond parents, hut never is the real reason mentioned — The Fireplace. More beguiling than the Siren of old who lured men to their fate, more treacherous than cards and grosser evils, for grosser evils can be recognized and guarded against, is the Fireplace. Its warmth and cheer, its innocent friendliness and companionship are the things which make it the worst of man's enemies. Fitfully the tiames rise and fall,, throwing now light, now shadow, on the broad hearth, and the deep cushioned chairs that surround it. Slowly but surely the warmth and sleepy contentment o'er conies us, and deeper we sink in our arm chairs, dozing in sweet relaxation, forgetful of care and the morrow. And so it lures and beguiles us, for like a drug, it's a habit not easily broken. "A little more sleep, a little more slumber, a little more folding of the hands for sleep," so it is with the armchair and the fire])lace. 12 ^ =s^ F ALL the times of year, the montli of Jaiuiary is perhaps tlie drear- iest. Not necessarih' because the days are gray and dark, nor because the streets and sidewalks are either deep with snow*, or just as deep in slush or mud, nor because of the icy wind or rain, but worse than all of these, because black worry hangs over us with the approach of examinations. A few perhaps, the "90" men, don't have tremors up :M and down their backs at the thought of finals, but even they worry^ g^^ for "90" men are invariably conscientious — otherwise they wouldn't be "90" men— and conscientious people are the ones who worry most. Then there is the other class to whom worry is unknown— the men who get the forties and fifties. Approach of examinations means 'fa "5^ little to them for they usually "couldn't get though if I got 100 in the ,, ,^.-v final." But most of us are in between, and whether we really know r^ \ we are in no danger or not, we worry and mess around with long lists ;uS(f "-' -.-■■-' } of formulae and masses of detail which common sense should tell us 1^H%^t:K"4'»'*^^/>^^ " ' '^ '^'*^ insignificant, but in the study of which we ease our consciences ^->"ji •/ JiV,. ■ f ^'/^ ^^t^ ~ y/iX "^^'itli file belief that we are doing our duty. And so the long month of January passes, blacker by contrast with the wrecks of ease' and idleness w hich we siiend in December. Is there any of us who does not look forwai'd with wistful longing to the day when January is over, the exams are ended, many credits shall have been added to the registrar's records, and the air Ijrakes hiss as the train comes to a stop at the plat form where we wait suit-case in hand. D D S n D P EKHAPS most of us live in great cities, periiaps most of us don't, but at any rate most of us ])robably have spent more or less time in them at one time and another. Tlie great cities have their advantages, but we attending our University in the little twin towns have advantages which the city dwellers do not have. When the evening grayness and driz- zling rain of December makes the gTeat city's yellow street lamps blurred and indistinct the liome.-hurrying crowds always know the train-time, but they do not know December. They always know the train-time, huri*y from the office, heads bent into their upturned great coat collars, intent and mindful of but one thing, — train-time. They arise and live and work by train- tiiuc. Hut they do not know December. The greyness, the wind bleak with the first icy breath of winter as it moans thru the leafless trees, the cold gusty snow, the dark forbidding sky, none of those things are beautiful to them, but only incidents of train-time. They do not know- the full strength, the beauty of the spring or of December. Their perspective is dwarfed, is crippled by the giant buildings, and the all important train-time. But it is different with us in our little twin towns, where there are no giant buildings to shut us in, and no train-time to hurry our footsteps. Yet if we don't take advantage of our opportunities when we can, and have the leisure to know and appre ciate the greyness of winter, and the delicateness of spring, the time will soon come when we too are shut off from them by the tall buildings and the all important train-time. ^^^jg_ ^ ^ ^ S I U. E n ix. OUR COLLEGE PRIMEE 4. A Little Led IDC ta Our Professors Do not lu' worried, jieiitlciiien. This Ifctiirc will lie a very iieiitle one. Our t(»ii(' will be kiudly, and our admonitions tactful. Now, mnr! N-o-w — t]nit'.'< it; tJia-o-i's it. To-ake it easy. Be seated. In the first place, ties. Ties may he divided into three classes: 1. Younji men's ties. 2. Ties. 3. Shoestrings and their many cousins. We would — all — .su,i;sest that yon eschew the shoesti-inji ti'ilie. Of course, we appreciate the fact that a professor must look a little bit funny, but there are so iiiani/ other ways, and you are -w inijenious ah)ng that line. Try class nundier 2, and confine your inge- nuity to pants, hats, sliirts and coats. Ill the second place, smiles. Tliis is a serious world, gentlemen, and we realize as well as anyone that a smile is an idiot- ic thing. We feel strongly that a smile is an absolute waste of time and that the habit of smiling will caus(» one -sooner or later to drift into making friends; this would lie fatal to seri- ous accom]disliment. because it would occujiy so much valuable time. Also, we feel that our argument for the smile is a childish one. Yet we advance it. Smile, because it will make ycui feet good! No one knows better than we how yon hate to f(^^l good, however — Ah I there is the belli (Jentlemeii, you ai'e dismissed. D a s n D ENCOURAGING Kind Lady: Is your husband always drunk, ray poor woman? Poor Woman: Oh, he's sober sometimes, when J'm out or work. THE FIRESIDE INSIDE AND- D n s n D ALL FACE Jenks: You see that bald fellow, washing Ms face — Jinks: He isn't washing his face, he's washing the top of his head. Jenks: But how can he tell where his face leaves oft? D D S D a AIR CASTLES ^Vlieu the lights are out and the fire's lit And I am all alone; I see myself in image tlit Across the warm hearth stone. I see myself a belted knight, Raised by a king's own hand — My name a word of gentle might AVell loved throughout the land. I see myself the only lord Of acres rich and wide ; And in my treasure chests a hoard Of evil-roots I hide. I lead a cause with ho]ie forlorn. And, like a hero, die. ^ly demise countless thousands mourn — So loved a man am I. I go to aid a stricken race Trod down by tyrant powers ; To me a nation turns its face In (bu'k and hojiele.ss hours. I slay ten thnusaiid fighting nn'u And all my foes I scatter. I know not who they are— but then, Of course, that doesn't matter. And sometimes in my dreams a])i)ears A maiden passing fair; Of gentle birth and tender years, A^'ho smiles at me fi-om thei'e. And when my soul has reached a height As if in idouds to dwell; Some Colleger ^\ho \\ants a light Comes in and breaks the s]>ell. 14 THE FIRESIDE OUTSIDE D n s n D THE HUM-TAOWN WEEKLY It's always sure to get s scoop Whene'er the baby has the croup Or someone joins a circus troupe — The hum-taown weekly. It gives some inside politics How Woodshed Wilson's in a fix Reveals some clever parlor tricks — The hum-taown weekly. it says the drayman is a brute The village cop went on a toot And someone is in bad repute — The hum-taown weekly. It tells how we've returned from school Announces a new farming tool Gives plans to make a good milk-stool- The hum-taown weekly. It publishes the marriage bans, It tells the mayor's cleanup plans And has some dope for baseball fans — The hum-taown weekly. It tells about the new street lights And dwells a while on woman's rights And how to heal mosquito bites — The hum-taown weekly. The editorials and such Are sometimes funny as a crutch Perhaps it doesn't count for much — The hum-taown weekly. Although it doesn't have much fame We like the paper just the same Because it sometimes prints our name— The hum-taown weekly. MIGHT HELP Instructor: Your sketch of the room lacks atmos- phere. Art Student: I was thinking of putting in a ventilator. D D S D D She: Oh, there is skating today. He: Sure. She: I wonder if I'd fall if I went out. He: Why worry, there would be lots of fellows out there to fall for you. HIS NINE O'CC sIlass Into the fire our dreams and thoughts are woven as we gaze, And watch the shadows rise and fall, with each flickering blaze, And yet a thousand miles away the other knows our dreams. For the fire speaks again, or so it sometimes seems. Into the blaze and out again, and over many miles, And as the fire our dreams Impart, the other knows, and smiles. D D s n D INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT MEN 4. Ran Wooih Mi-. \V()(](1s lias a basket huiij; ou the wall in his room and he rises every morning- at six in order to practice. "Aren't jon proficient enongli as it is?" the Siren rejiorter asked him. "Oh, yes," he answered in his own inimita- ble way. "Von mnst have i)layed basketball very loTi}^," svii^gcsted the re|)orter. "Snre," said Mr. Woods. There was a slisiht, an extremely slight twinkle in his eye. "Do yon like the game?" inqnired the re- porter searchingly. "1 like it." said ^Ir. Woods witli a certain something abont him that indicated that he re- ally meant what he said. "What are your reasons I'or liking it," he was asked. ^'Oh, it's a j?ood game," replied ^Iv. Woods eva.sively. lint the rejiorter was insistent. "Aren't there any nioi-e reasons?" he re- marked astntely. "It's good exercise," ;Mr. Woods admitted after ninch hesitation. "Oh — , yes, I believe it is a good game," said the rej)orter. "Snre, it's a good game," said 'Slv. Woods. "They say it does yon a lot of good.'' "Von bet it does y(m a lot of good." "(lood by, Mr. Woods." "So long." PROMINENCE Roy: Brown is one of the most prominent men in our Fraternity. Jones: But he never did anything around school. Roy: No, but he always pays his dues. D D S D D MOTHER GOOSE COLUMN Tom, Tom, the blacksmith's son, Liked to have his share of fun. He stayed out late On every date; Now what d'you think will be his fate? Sing a song of New Year Divisible by four, '■Successful Leap Year, Ladies. "Now who could wish you more? "And when the year is over, "If you don't have a ring, "Just call upon the county judge — "He'll marry anything." Ride a fat pony O'er trails, rough and stony. Until you are past Exams. If you load him with junk You will probably flunk. For not all the Woolleys are lambs. Adiller Adollar, a marvelous scholar. And otherwise he is a sap. But when I get through. If I finally do. The Sap will be Phi Beta Kap. 18 /^■a^T" X w Ei ^ ^C= THE FIRESIDE. "Ma!" (Pause). "MA!" "Yes, son — what Is it?" "Goin' down town in th' morning?" "Maybe." "Will you take my skates down for me?" "Say, you're so lazy that if talking wasn't natural you'd never learn." "Aw, shutup, sis, you ain't so lively." "Well, I don't try to make a truck horrse of my mother." "Ma! will you take 'em for me?" "Don't you do it, ma." "You keep still, mother's doin' this." "I wouldn't take them for him, ma." "Say, you kids, hush up." "Yes, pa." a D S D D OUR GIRLS He: What, you want another chocolate Boston? Co-ed: Well. I don't feel sick yet. D n s n n DEGREES OF FAME Young One: Why do they .say he is a great man be- cause he has L.L.D., Ph B., L..L..B., A.M., and J.D., after his name? Old One: Because his fame came by degrees. D D S D D Co--Ed (angrily): I should think you'd be ashamed to look me in the face or speak to me on the street. He: I am kinda, but I've got to be courteous. She: "Bring me a cup of bouillon." He: "Yes, I'll take a dish of soup, too." D D S D D KWERY KOLYUM (Conducted by Otto Hno) Dear Mr. Hno: This is my fifth semester in college. I have tried four courses but am not yet satisfied with my accomplishments, which total 9 semester hours. The engineering faculty tried to make me wear overalls, which was, to be sure, indeed, positively, impossible; my L. A. and S. classes were on the third floor of Uni Hall, which was too far to climb, so I was dropt; Ag was too far from the social centers of the campus; Business was rotten and 1 was suspended after buying a $45 business suit. I don't know what to take. Won't you please tell me? — AMBJTIOUS. Will I? If the faculty won't let you take nursing I suggest that you take chloroform, which you will find easy. Dean Hno: Several times I have been embarrassed by not properly managing the limb of a chicken. Will you be so kind as to enlighten me? — TIMID. Nothing is so hard to manage as a fowl, and the beacon himself has often been embarrassed by not hand- ling it properly. I will prescribe two methods. The first is to place the limb on the plate with the joint pointed away from you. Be sure to use the proper fork; after eat- ing the fish, the fork which is left is right. The alterna- tive method is to secure a stranglehold on the limb with the right hand and proceed to enjoy thyself. With the left hand ward off criticisms which tablemates may in- flict. X.-M E:.-- S I JliE JH ridrto K THE FIRE WEAVETH THE DREAMS OF YOUTH 5mi He was nifty and magnetic; he was neat As he acted in the Post-Ex Jubilee^.. _ Forty was his grade in Math, and he Expected less in Rhet. With indignity He awaited a big flunk in Botany. In Ec class there was dust upon his seat. He was nifty and magnetic; he was neat As he acted in the Post-Ex Jubilee. D D S D D AN EVENING SPENT IN STUDY A Play (and a play only) Scene: Eight in the evening. Time: A student. Character: Room in a fraternity house. Atmosphere: That of peace and studiousness. Enter Student. Exit Atmosphere. (Student lights pipe, doffs coat, don's sweater, drops two duns into basket.) Student: Four written quizzes tomorrow I don't know a thing. Suppose I ought to study. One hour passes. Student (putting copy of Siren into drawer reluctant- ly): I shall study! (Takes out note book and begins to study.) Two minutes drag by. Studont: Wonder what time it is. (Looks at watch.) Ten! Gosh! A half hour sneaks by. Student (reading Hearst's): To be continued! Dog- gone it! Well, let's see the next page — Oh, Looey! C'mere! Looka these. Some lulus! Got a scissors? Another half hour fox trots. Student: J bid eight, hearts. GLmme a nail, Harry. Pa.-^s the light. Looey. I'm feeling punk. Looey. Think I've got the grippe. Gosh, how my back hurts! Guess I'll have to cut classes tomorrow. Hate to do it, boys; hate to do it; but I'm a sick man. Nine, no trumps? Take it away! Two Hours Filter Away. Buz-z-z-ZIZZ : WHEE: Buz-z-z-ZIZZ! WHZZZZ: lUZZ-z-z-z! THE POST-EXAM JUBILEE ^ The Post-Exam Jubilee is a perforniauce given after examinatious by the students. The Y. M. C. A. invites fraternities to compete for the chance to present an act. Six acts are chos-" en.- The audience is allowed to vote on these acts on the night of the performance. The three acts voted fir.st, second, and third in merit re- spectively receive silver cups. The fraternities stand all presentation expenses excepting those of the orchestra, footlights, and one spotlight. Of the door receipts, five hundred dollars go to Buenos Aires. No kidding. You may want to know why. So do we. Somewhere a hu- morist said that because the man who started the Jubilee is now president of the Y. M. in Buenos Aires, the money is sent to him for Y. M. C. A. work down there. That's the nearest to a reason there is. You never can tell. It may be the real reason. If it is, we have a peach of an idea. This idea is worth money, but anybody interested may try it ; we present it free. Suppose you are interested in raising mush- rooms in Aberdeen, North Dakota, or in joining the Salvation Army in Timbuctoo, or in experi- menting with calves' brains in Algeria for the sake of bacteria research work which will bene- fit humanity. Well, if you are, simply get every- body excited al)out the idea of a Pre-Decoration- Day Hulabaloo or a Mid-Interscholastic-Week Tweedlededum. Then hire an orchestra, buy three silver cups at any one of the reputable jeweler's shops in town (see advertising section), and ask for seven hundred and fifty dollars a year out of it for your work. By giving the Y. M. here what is left after your slice has been cut, you will have an able manager always on the ground. Don't be fool- ish enough to offer to stand any of the partici- pants' expenses. They're easy. There's nothing a college organization won't do for a silver cup. D n S D D 'i-gA£i."ife She: I never could see much in these shadow skirtsto cause so much comment.' He: Ah, yes, my dear, but you don't look at them in the right light. D D S D D DORMITORY DOPE SHORT SKIRTS ARE ALL THE RAGE At evening when the grind is o'er and my day's work is done And my carcass is all weary from toting that old gun, I climb out of the khaki garb and crawl away to bed, To the crowded dormitory in the attic overhead. It's great throughout the fall And I don't mind it at all For there's something in its chill exhilirating; The hurried autumn breeze Comes rushing through the trees With "pep" each weary snorer saturating. And when spring is in the air I like to lie up there And listen to the murm'ring zephyrs stealing; 'Tis then I'm in my mood Of chronic lassitude And how I'd hate to have to cure that feeling. When winter brings the north wind with its store of ic« and snow I wish I could be sleeping near the blazing grate below. The temperature of my boudoir would make a dead man crawl And 1 would move my pallet to most any other stall. In those barracks overhead Where they have placed my bed Through shingles I can see the frigid sky; But when that screen like roof Is the butt of my reproof My grievance-hardened landlord wonders why. Old dormitory loft, There are many times and oft When I've sworn you were the north pole without doubt And I wish I roomed in Hades, (Please excuse the diction, ladies) For there the furnace fires are never out. A.A.I>. The things the porter finds when he sweeps out the grate: 3 half burned love letters, 1 whisky flask, 7 cigar butts, 8 beer bottle tops, 2 chewing tobacco tins, 4 P. A. cans, 1 broken beer bottle, 29 unopened bills, 1 picture of baby brother, 3 bull durham bags, 3 examination papers, 7 empty cigarette boxes, 1 wad of chewing gum, 3 half esten sandwiches, 60 cigarette butts, 98 burned matches, 1 pair garters. D D S D D GOD FORSAKEN Idle; I asked him why he prayed out loud in the dor- milory. and he said he did it for the sake of God. Talk: And what did you say? Idle: : I said, "stop it for God's sake." n D s n n INCAPACITATED Boy : Won't you gi me a dime and can't work. Pedestrian: What were you, a singer Boy: No, sir; I sold papers. QUITE TRUE Wassa matter wid dis wofl' It's all turned upside down — Pessimists and odder crepes Is prominent in town. First it's war, 'nen it's times All claimin' thet they's hard — Why, it's all yo lite was ever wuth To watch a man real hard. De gossip's flowin' fast an thick Tha's no good word fo any man — Wha can't we cheer de. ol' hole up Give all, de ol' glad han'. Forget de war, forget de times Talk sure won' fix em right — Yo' got to do yo' cheerful share An' smile wid all yo might. Fergit de bad in odder men Talk only wot is good — An smile an smile an smile an smile An yo've don all dat yo could. D D S D D CHOKED Frosh (breathlessly): Have you heard the news? Old Professor Bore was asphyxiated in his office! Soph; Then he must have been talking to himself. D D s D n I've lost my Toice, D D s n G ON THE PHONE The burglars are at our house To the police I said, O won't you send a cop up here. We are all scared dead. His voice came on the wire. It sounded like a shout. But did he reassure us? No, "The police are out." She tenderly): When did you first know you loved me? He: When I began to get mad when people said you were brainless and unattractive. 23 'ROCKING ' FATHER TO SLEEP D D S D D WHAT EVERY FIRESIDE BROTHER KNOWS The names of all the house Victrola records. How to put coal on the tire without getting up. What one gets for dinner Thursday night. About the sirl to the right on the front row, Orpheum. How to g t fourteen hours of sleep per diem. How many cuts may be taken in English 10. When school closes. Just how long one can sleep and still get down to breakfast. Baird. n n R n D THE DANSANT is the LATEST contribution from METROPOLITAN life to TWIN city societers. A THE DANSANT was invented BY CAFE owners to scour WAFFLES and PRUNE JUICE from FLOORS. In regular cities REGULAR DRINKS, such as CLARET LEMONADE, and G. A. HIGHBALL, and S. G. FIZZ, are HABITUES. But inasmuch as CHAMPAIGN is EXTRA DRY the INMATE HOTEL serves BRYAN COCKTAILS and other PEACEFUL and HARMLESS THROAT WASHES. The hours are TWO to FIVE, so that the SALES MANAGERS and theatrical PEOPLE, and others who can AFFORD TO LIVE in a ROBBER'S CAVE won't be disturbed by CAROUSALS of such ARISTOCRATS as the son of the AURORA CHIEF of POLICE, the son of JERSEYVILLE'S PROMINENT FARMER, AND OTHERS. But the point which PERPLEXES us is why THE shouldn't be spelled TA, and likewise DANSANT spelled DONG SONG, so that the FOLKS who talk about IT and the folks who read about IT only will UNDERSTAND each other. The SAFEST WAY to invite a PERSON to a T. D. is to WRITE. Don't trust to SPEECH. Speak nothing but FRENCH at a T. D. If PARLEZ >'OUS and JAP-A-LAC COMPRISE your French VOCABULARY you are IN DUTCH Himniel! Ouie! _A^.D. GRATE' DREAMS 24 Don't Fail To See — L. L. SILL, ^ amilton Arcade For Baldwin Pianos, Senora Phonographs. Full Line of Pop- ular and Standard Music. Also Full Line of Latest Music Rolls. OWED TO AN UKELELE I am aggravated daily by my neighbor's ukelele, As he perpetrates those Oceanic tunes, For I'm sick of slushy strainlets praising Polynesian jane- lets, And maidens in the land of the monsoons; For there's no response in me for the "Beach at Waikiki," Though every day he sings about its charms. And that ukelele strumming which accompanies his hum- ming Convinces me that I should do him harm. I wish that he would go 'way with his stale "Aloha Oe," Which I hear so often I can almost quote it, And I find no rabid joy in that classic, "Hicky Hoi," But I'd like to meet the lunatic who wrote it. O, what is there that's pretty in a fool Hawaiian ditty. With tuneless cat-gut whinings, weird and waily. And what is the excuse for the cannibal abuse Which my neighbor gives me with his ukelele? HOT AIR Dick: I caught cold in class today; the air was drafty and cold. Richard: That must have been when the Prof wasn't talking. D □ S D D Mabel: "I've been reading one of Dicken's bookSL*' Belle: "And what is it about?" Mabel: "I haven't found out yet, dear, he hates dread- fully to tell." Madame: "Mignon, there's a frightful draught com- ing through here." Mignon: "From where does eet come, Madame?" Madame: "Indeed, I do not know." Mignon: "But I do know where eet's going." D D s n D LET THERE BE LIGHT I have heard the tales of shadow skirts That flap in the morning breeze, I have seen and read of X Ray gowns. I have glimpsed the show girls' knees. If you desire enlightenment On the powers of feminine attire. Just glimpse a maid at even time As she stands before the fire. D D S P D SAW LOTS OF HER FORMERLY She: That Miss Chic, who wears such scandalously low gowns, has tonsilitis. He: Indeed! That's the reason one doesn't see much of her lately. n D s n D GRAMMAR Soph — Where are you from? Frosh — I'm from Providence. Sopr: Oh, are you? Frosh: No — R. I. 26 Dance Dates= COLLEGE GRIDIRON ORANGE & BLUE CRYSTAL VARSITY January .9 January .5 j^,^,.^., ,3 January 22 F^^-uary u, -March 4 February 26 February 12 Alav 12 ;Y"'^ March 26 -^'"-''-^ April ,5 " ' ONYX May 12 May 12 May 6 May 19 June 8 M:i\- \2 THEATRE BELVOIR •Now Playing- Otis Oliver Stock Company Company Comes Here Direct From a Run of 22 Weeks at South Bend, Ind. Two plays Each Week. Change of Plays Every Monja/ Night and Thirsday Matinee ii'iiowiug pla\s lo be presented by the Stock Company: "Tlie Lure," "Hel]) Wanted," "Alias Jimmy Valen- ■.ine," "Call o fthc Pines," "The Chauffeur, "Stop Thief," "■Madam X," '"Today," " Common Law," "Arizona," ■■Kic'< In." "At Day," "Under Cover," "Inside the Alines," etc. Bargain Prices Nights 10-20-30 a few at 30c, Matinee Tue., Thiifs. and Sat at 10 and 20c The Aristo Studio wishes to extend their most sincere thanks to all who help make possible an increase of 500 per cent over last year . ... Home-Made Candies <]1 We make our candies, fresh daily from the best materials ii|',obtainable. Out candy shop is always clean and sanitary. Our prices are always reasonable— no overcharges. Eat good pure homemade candies, and a docor's call is unne essary. D. E. Harris " The Confectioner" 608 East Groen Street Slobe -^^Wett^ieke ional Bookcases KEEP your college text-books now and forever, in a Globe-Wernicke Sectional Bookcase. Thc3^ will form the nucleus of your library and keep college memories green. As you add books from term to term and afterwards, you add extra Globe-Wernicke sections at small cost. A Dust-Proof Felt Strip protects your books, and, together with the Globe-Wernicke Door Equalizer, eliminates noise and jar. Many styles and finishes to choose from — all built solidly to endure. Write for n free copy of "The World's Best Books" Bookcase Cata- and the n^me of your local Globe-\\'ernicke Agent loejue No. S-1020 ^c Slobc^VcroickeCo., Cincinnati NElf^ YORK CHICAGO PHILADLL?HIA EOSTOH U^ASHIUCTOt . D. C. 3S0Briaclv.a! 11 N. Ifal„ilh Alt. lOU Chrsltiut Slr„t 91 Ftdir.,1 Slrrit 121K F Si.. N. IV. Also manufacturers of 21 lines of Filing Cabinets, 9 steel lines and 1 2 wood lines affording the right equipment for every conceivable filing requirement of universities, colleges and schools. Ask for Book Nc okj Built UfErMjire Caterini; to Those Who Appreciate The Best in Photography Phone Main 35 38 N. Neil St. Champaign, 111. The Soft Water Laundry A. A. Xvberij Bell Phone 880 Auto 4506 125 N. Race St. Urbana (If you buy it of T. H. Crai^ you know it is right) Eyes Tested And Glasses Fitted We do our own lens grinding in our shop and can replace broken lenses in very shirt time ; almost while you wait. One to 2 hours time. If you need glasses we can fit you. T. H. CRAIQ, Jeweler and Optometrist Established iSt/> 5 Main St., Champaign Hegenbart & Company Groceries 101-103 NORTH NEIL ST. B1037-1038 A12121676 Student Crumb 506 EAST GREEN Shelf Hot Soup, Chili 10c Hot Cocoa 5c Hot Coffee 5c Sandwiches of all kinds 5c J. P. Cavanaugh 324 Hickory Street BILLIARDS FINE CIGARS, TOBACCOS, AND PIPES EVERYTHING NEW OPEN 7 A. M. CLOSE 6 P. M. LARGEST AND BEST SHOP 'university district KANDY'S 614 EAST GREEN STREET. CHAMPAIGN AUTO PHONE 2265 NOTHING ELSE BUT QUALITY and perfect satisfaction has given our "Mod- ern" Confections a wide distribntion in the Twin Cities. The White & Gold Confectionery Where Btndeuts" Patronage is Appreciated. 106 West Main Street Urbana, Illinois A January Dialogue First Rah Rah— Who is the greatest philan- thropist? Second Rah Rah— I'll bite. First Rah Rah — N obody but Old Zom. He is selling sweaters and overcoats at such re- duced prices that I was able to invest and have cigaretand poot money left. Roger Zbrabro ■ (h-eeu Street. ' Yankee Stude: "Wfiat do you think at ouir ^irls? ;-How da they compare with those of Japan?"- !->' ' \, ; J J j ' :' ■ Jap Stude (glancing about a:t the evening gowns): "Well,' really, I can't tell. We never see half as much of our ladies." — Jack o' lantern. " D n s n D Repartee. Mr. Dudds: "Why do you always stand before the mirror while dressing?" Mrs. Dudds: "To see what is going on, of course." — Puck. Patronize 0. E. SHOBE & CO. The Transfer and Livery People. Baggage Line in connection. We cater to Students. Opposite Fire De- partment. URB.\NA White Vests and Tango Shirts Should be Dry Cleaned We Know How On Short Notice L. B. SOUDER Dyer and Dry Cleaner Bell 900 Auto 1650 Why Ask Our Support Unless You Mean It When You Say . . . ♦ . Siren Advertising Pays Show us — One per cent of 6,000 students would more (ian fill our dining room if we had them for 6 meals a week, and we would be Happy Beyond Words if we got 50 per cent of that amount weekly. Come on boys — "Actions speak louder than words." Music every night and twice Sunday. Meals 75c. HOTEL BEARDSLEY "Did you take in the Fair this summer?" "Well — not exactly; but one of them took me in." — Princeton riger. D D S D D Fooled. "Have a heart, will you ?" whined the fellow. "Sorry, but I haven't" said the girl — and they lost the trick — Michigan Gargoyle. The High School Annual, A Business Proposition EVERY progre sive high school now gets out a high | T IS just as e school annual. Can your school afford to be A annual as a P classed with those that don't? A good live annual ink, and all tbe will typify an aggressive school spirit better than either case. Th anything else you can do. It will give every stu- filled with good dent, no matter how modest, an opportunity to con- half-tones, the s tribute something to his school's history. The plan- ufactured produ ning of it will furnish training In systematic and help you plan a business dealings with the business world. It will us the size of yo create a good sc'iool spirit, and add to the teacher's about your orga success. outlined plan i.sy to get out a good high school oor one. The cost of the paper and labor put into it, is the same in e best annuals are those that are pictures. There's a difference in ame as in shoes or any other man- ct. Our Service Department will book that will be distinctive. Tell ir school, the number in each class, ni/.ations, etc., and let us submit an The Indianapolis Engraving & Electrotyping Company FIFTH FLOOR WULSIN BUILDING INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA % Orpheum Theatre -CHAMPAIGN, ILLINOIS OPENING 3 DAYS THURs: MAT JANUARY 20 William B. Friedlander [Incorporated] producer of "The Night Clerk" and "The Four Husbands'* offers The Musical Comedy " TICKETS PLEASE " BILLY KENT WITH r— — ■ — ^ Written expressly for Vaudeville by Will M. Hough, author of "The Time, The Place and The Girl," "A Stubborn Cinderella," "The Night Clerk," "The Four Husbands," Etc. Music by Will- iam Friedlander. Entire production staged by W. Friedlander. V. J Company of Metropolitan Players OC DDrTTV PIDI ^^"Q sing Lj rnL M I ulnLo and dance Complete Scenic Production Matinee Daily at 3:00 p. m. Nights 7:30 and 9 p. m. 15c & 30c J Exquisite Dancing Frocks Beautiful Models for Dan cing aud Social Parties Offered at Exceptionally . . . Low Prices . . . <1I We are showing a number of very clever models, suitable for both wo- man and ipisses. The materials are delightfully pretty and the colors are those delicate tones required for danc- ing and other parties. Come and see them, their exclusive- ness and low prices will prove a very pleasant surprise. Prices range from $7.50. $10.95, $12.S0 to $55.00 G. C. Willis Champaign, Illinois . . . The . . . PARK . . . Home of . . . Paramount Pictures Victor Records FOR Christmas Gifts Leslie's Drug Store llrbatta She: "Why do college professors wear their hats on the front of their heads?" I because they want to protect their He: "Well you see, it's highbrows."- — Jester. D D S D D I "What's the technical name for snoring?" "I bite." "Sheet music." — Tiger After - Theatre - Lunches (If We are specializing in a "Quick Service," after theatre luncheon. ea3^ THE POST-ORPH MEETING PLACE "Perfection in confection ^ "Meet me at the Co-op Corner" Back in 1901, the first commercial enterprise to be established near the Campus, was started by the Cunningham Brothers. That business occupied one room in a frame building which stood on the present Co-op corner. It was then that the expression, "Meet me at the Co-op Corner," which you so often hear today originated. The development of that business may be seen in the Co-op of today. For fourteen years The Co-op has been the supreme mercantile in- stitution at ILLINOIS, and furthermore it has reached an enviable position in ranking today as "The Leading College Store in the West" Service, consistent and courteous has been the foundation for our rapid and continuous growth. That Service is still our daily effort. During the past fourteen years we have pleased thousands of students, and Now we are going to please You! THE CO-OP Constant Growth Signifies Constant Service The year 's still young, friend neighbor ; It's leap year once ag'in — That gives an extra day fcr us To smoke good VELVET in. May the wrinkles '16 bring you Be the sort smiles leave behind. An' the only clouds above you Be the fragrant VEL VET kind. ^^ 366 Days of Perfect Pipe Pleasure That is what the VELVET smoker has already promised himself this year. Are you one of the lucky brotherhood ,^ that has smiled allegiance to the age- (T " mellowed tobacco called VELVET? '^■ Is your pipe a sure defence against dull care or ||^ are you still a restless searcher for the tobacco ^ii» whose mildness is equalled only by its fragrance and its flavor? Remember VELVET isn't a name only. It is a description of the aged-in-the-wood smoothness that the choicest of mild Kentucky Burley tobacco gets from two years' mellowing. lOc Tins 5c Metal-lined Bags One Pound Glass Humidors ^MfOjzii't^^^MctsJo^acco Gr MILITARY NUMBER THE riDEN Vol V. Number 6. lQlfi :.. ^ He Was Right. (J One of our customers recently said, "I sup- pose you intend to put in a stock of college jew- elry, greeting cards and those different lines which you had at the other store." C][ We are now prepared to serve you in the fol- lowing lines: College Jewelry Greeting Cards Everything Athletic Kodak Supplies Toilet Accessories Magazines Illinois Song Books And many other lines. THE CO-OP It will pay you to ivalk around the corner Tlie ILLINOIS THEATRE Wednesday and Thursday, February 23 & 24 Lyman N. nOWe'S Travelogue Yellowstone National Park. A trip in an aeroplane above the clouds and 20 other big features. PriceS:--25, 35 & 50c; seats on sale now Illinois Theatre Saturday, Matinee and Nigtit, Feb. 26 "Twin Beds" Without a doubt this is the funniest farce of the present season. Prices: 50c ,75c, $1.00, $1.50 fitl^N^w At Last! •^■■"■^ EVIDENCE! Swiped From Life C'liiiid lias found in the Aittof/rnjiliic Kodak something that betit« the tinie-lionored how and arrows. A .S'h when I sleep. I liave to stretch my legs. I feel strained when mv knees are bent." "It's like a nightmare," (we replied, and we felt a t(Mideriu'ss for Dix that we had never ex- perienced before.) "If we stretch, our toes stick out and our feet freeze and we can't slee]). If we curl u)) we suffer and can't slee])." "Wliy don't vou wind your batlirobe around your feet?"* (see note below) "By jinks, tliat/s peacli of an idea Here's the book.' \Vhere y' livin' now? Got a nice room?" 1 (see note below) "Pretty nice. You've got a pretty good place here. \Vish I could arrange a light over the mirror."* "Yes, but we haven't a cuspidor."! "That's right, too. Well,, so long. I've got the night job on that dam ////«/."* "So long, Dix."* Note—* said Dix. 1 said we, [D D S D n OR GAS First Manufacturer: "Your factory is very well equip- ped, but you can't hold a candle to the stuff I turn out." Second Manufacturer: "And what do you manufac- ture?" First Manufacturer: "Gunpowder." D D s n D HAD TOO MUCH Bachelor: "You should be very happy. You have everything in the world you could want, haven't you?' Married Man: "Yes, but I've something also that I don't want." □ n s D n UNNECSSARY Major (passing thru a gate guarded by sentry) : "Well — , why don't you ask me the countersign?"' Sentry: "I don't have to, boss, the sergeant told it to me already." X. M E. ■■ 3 1 H. E W COMMISSARY The soldiers in tine army Before the ranks went dry Used to tell us wondrous tales Of the Army Canteen. But somehow we feel That it never had much, If anything On the Hamburger Wagon, The ice cream cone wagon. By the Armory door. In the winter time when We were cold and blue With the idea of two hours' drill. And in the summer when We were hot and Sore at the world. And in the spring and fall When our feet were wet and Our noses cold. What Cheered us up. But the hot dog wagon The hamburger wagon. The ice cream cone wagon, By the Armory door. n D S D D d {"7 MEN To LOAD CANNON. [T WILL SE ^^J?. Violet: "Is Hennessey a drunkard?" Rose: "The worst in our church." D n s n D SOME THINGS THAT SHERMAN FORGOT A guy named Sherman made a certain phrase regarding war, Which phrase is now an element of U. S. history lore. It's quoted by the authors and it's quoted by the press, And the fact that it's profanity, has stopped it none the less. We hear it from the pulpit and we heart it from the stage; As an excuse for swearing it now is quite the rage. What Sherman said regarding war is truthful, apt as not. But think about the multitude of things that he forgot! Suppose you sent your suit to Souder's just before a dance, And after eight, discovered that the'd failed to bring the pants; Suppose you asked the lady for just an Orpheum date, And then found out that tickets cost six times the normal rate; Suppose you were returning from a joyful Danville tour. And got a summons from the Dean to call at two for sure; Suppose some co-ed dancing dream gave you a "formal" bid. For the night you had a movie date with some unheard of kid; Suppose the roast collector of the coming illlo Purloined those sacred tokens of the sweetest girl you know; Suppose your German teacher should flunk you, in her wrath. And keep you from competing upon the cinder path; Suppose you drew some currency to buy a new dress suit, And then let burglars add your hard earned money to their loot; Suppose, while you were pressing on her lips that last farewell. The chaperone, returning late, forgot to ring the bell. And there are many other things — I reckon there are scores — That seem to me as hellish as the hellishest of wars. O'Brien: his pension." Maloney: along?" O'Brien: NO MORE PENSION "Old Captain Jenks of Gettysburg has lost 'Sat so. How will the poor fellow get "He won't. He's dead." n n s D D INCOME Professor's Wife: "I need a new hat, dear.'' Professor: "All right. I'll have the students buy some of my text books." •D D s n D INTRICATE DETAIL Re: "I suppose you understand baseball?" She: "Oh, yes, all but one thing." He: "And that?" She: "What do they use the bats for?" He: "Do you think the army is a dangerous profes- sion?" She: "Awful. Why fully a third of the officers die of delirium tremens." HAVE THEY "SAND" ENOUGH TO WIN. D D S D D A TEXT BOOK Perhaps you've many times desired — By false pride or ambition fired — To know the ladies and their ways; To bask in the effulgent rays Of their soft, pleasing patronage; (Or I should say their matronage?) To be admitted to the bowers And the secret, fulsome towers Where they keep, hid under lock, The subtle lures which cause to flock — In hordes and droves — the manly sex, To women's sides; where many necks And heads have been, at divers times. Well placed between the block and axe — Gruesome details, but they're facts. My purpose now is not to bore you — And though unasked advice is awful. I'm sure my actions aren't unlawful. And so I say to those poor swains, Who try, with all their little mains And puny mights, t' acquire the gift Of pleasing women, "Read J. Swift." In two short lines advice I give, That you, though jilted, still may live — If the girls refuse to fall. Read dear old Johnny Swift — that's all. 16 I MUST BE A NICE FELLOW Bell: ."There's one good 'hing about Jones' Bill: "And that is—" Bell: "That he isn't twins." n n s n n Attention! Forward, March. Our cadets are on parade. A date last night, a date tonight. And not one of them afraid. Still the soldier's an unlucky nan And this is the reason why. He's playing cards with Father Time, And the pot is always shy. But there's a soldier's life that's easy And it's a life with a trrill and a throb. You have no uniform or gun, It's just soldiering on the job. D D S D D WITHIN THE LINES She: "May we have the pleasure of your company this evening, colonel?" Colonel (with dignity): "Madam, I command a regi- ment." □ D S D D KWERY KOLYUM (Conducted by Otto Hno) Dear Hno: Will you be kind enough to enlighten me somewhat on the question of Preparedness? I have fol- lowed it closely, and do not know whether it Is a new breakfast food or a new dance. P. O. STEIi Yes, we wiU, and others of ye take notice. The Pre- paredness question has usurped the space reserved for woman's rights, the high cost of malted milks in China, the opening of the Dardanelles and the closing of Bran- nigan's place. It has engrossed the pages of the news- papers and the sages of congress. The one extreme is championed by Wilson's .Tester Bryan and the other by Cuspidor Roosevelt. The first would have peace at any price; the second would have peact only at :i bargain. The first would have t-.e giape juice policy tone up the cciiii-.iy; the seoonil would have tobacco juice for a ro.iic, such as the German'; use, (but the German nation Is now 'oo tonic). The latest development is ihe resignation of little Garrison, saying to Papa Wilson, "If I can't have my new gun I'm going over across the street and live with Charlie Schwab." This txplain? the question fully. Ex- pound to thy brethren. "IMPORTING" Mt IRY SUPPLIES J Olive: "Why do you think he receives many letters from her?" Bernice: "When he opened that letter just now lie knew just where to look for the second page." n D S D D WAR TIME So often in an afternoon, when I am feeling bum, I like to sit before the fire and play a game of "rum," But when I find a deck of cards and get a gang to play I stay for just about two hands, and then I break away — Military. / Sometimes I get a fesling, on a useless winter day, That I might go down to the Orph and see the matinee, So I telephone the manager for seats where I can see. An then an awful obstacle bobs up in front of me — Military. I like to take my pipe and find a comfortable nook, Where I can read the "Cosmo" or some other standard book But when I reach an interesting climax in the tale I have to knock the ashes out and don the coat of mail — Military. And when the only girl who cares comes down for a big dance I like to stick around a bit, while I have got the chance. A few hours in her presence means so much to me, you know But I just get nicely started, and then I have to go — Military. And thus it goes, throughout the year, whenever I want fun I have to forfeit all my plans and go to tote the gun; And when I see, through the mirage, a streak of luck in sight That same old jinx must reappear, my hopes to dynamite — Military. D D S D D WHEN THE MAJOR FELL Awaiting alike the great parade The maid ana major stood She was winsome and much arrayed He looked as only majors could. "Pass in Review," the colonels called, The captains took up the cry. The major prepared to doff his hat To his soldiers marching by. But the maiden smiled and caught his eye He hears not the marching feet For his mind is lost to maiden fair On the other side of the street. The companies passed the major's stand, The cadets glimpsed the sight. Orders were given to do "Eyes Left" But the soldiers did "Eyes Right." 'Twas an awful breach of discipline To treat the old boy that way But somehow the major never knew The breach that was made that day. D n s n D THE SPY Naval Officer: "That torpedo boat out there is fast in the mud." Girl (enthusiastically): "Oh, she must be a whirl -wind in the open water." D D s n D OUR COLEGE PRIMER 5. The Ukuele I No, Albert, that is not a frying pan wrapped up for parcels post delivery. It is a musical in- strument. That is, it is a musical instrument about three or ten thousand miles away— in Honolulu. I don't know exactly what you would call it in a college town. In a college town it might be called an Ever- Ready Quartette. You see, the so-called stu- dents, in their years of adolescence, become in- volved with an intense desire to sing tenor. When they reach college they have already attained that harmonic altitude where a thrilling appre- ciation of a good bass rendition is among their accomplishments. From this they soar to even greater heights: they try out for the Student Opera and hang around Lloyde's music counter. Then — then comes the T'kuJclc. It is only the P. G.'s in conviviality who justly may own an Ukulele. There are some undergraduates who do not realize the fearful sensitiveness of the Uk — how easily it may be misused; and the dire consef|uences attendant upon its misuse— and tliey Ituy it. These are the ones who are kicked out of roUege Hall for making too much noise. The Uk is a beautiful thing; it makes one independent of mandolins, drums, cornets, ten- ors and eveiwthing like that. Rut, like all beau- tiful things, in order to master the art of play- ing it. sacrifices must be made. You must spend every second of your time with it. You cannot afford to idle awav a second in studv. Even when you think you have gone through it all — that you have suffered and laughed, bled and triumphed, drudged and accomplished with your Uk ; and when you think you may begin to ease up and rest a bit on your laurels, you will find out that Shifty Siemens has learned a new one. Then you will have to hie you thence and go throvigh the whole process of assimilation. You will have to tell him about that one you picked up in Los Angeles last summer about The Girl With the Little Green Sash, Tra La. In ex- change for which, he will give you the new one that goes: "In April he feeds on. butternut pie— In May on canary birds' tails," etc. And you will liave to listen and watch with all your might, so that you can get that minor he shoots in on the fourth line. The Ukulele costs from |4.50 up, Albert, but that isn't what you should consider. It isn't the initial cost that counts — it's the cost of upkeep. D n S D D THRIFT ^earg: "I hear the colonel's dress suit coat tails were shot away by a cannon ball, as he was going home from the reception to the new commander." Lieut: "Yes, so he wore it as a Tuxedo the next aft- ernoon." n n s n D WAY AHEAD First Father: I hear your son is pursuing his studies in the University. Second Father: Yes, but I think he's losing ground. FATIGUE UNIFORM 5mz The Op-e-ra will soon be here, and gosh, But You and She will go, and everything Will be so nice — you'll laugh with Steve and sing With Bart. You'll plank down three for seats, and bing! Three more for blooms and sweets. You'll hock your ring And watch and chain to "do it right" — no josh! The Op-e-ra will soon be here, and gosh. But You and She will go — and everything! □ n 8 a D THE BONEYARD ANTHOLOGY 1. Ada Anderson I registered iu my fresliniau year iu The cutest little red satin toque and when I was Pledged I wore a pale blue Charmeuse bordered w/itli piuk Tassels And in the spring It was generally admitted That my imported Parisian sport Coat was The most fetching tiling on tlie campus In my sophomore Year I ^\'ore exquisite Old rose chiffon witli spangles to the Cotillion My junior year was marked by The fact that my portrait in a sheer Gown of white tulle appeared In the beauty section of The Illio and I wore l)urnished ('o'")er-C(dore(l liitjh shoes witli Fur tops two weeks before Even the Pi Phis had them As a Senior I discarded frivolity And emerged in soft, tender grays Trimmed in heliotrope or carnation And beautiful brown-l)lacks with touches Here and there of yellow or scarlet And I only s]>lurged Once \\\u'u I arrayed my.self in a Woolen puri)le street-coat lined With lavender sal in I am married today ti> A millionaire Who is Color blind. S. MILES. GOTT STRAFE THE COLLAGER Consider, every living one. Who grimly strives from dawn to sun; That thing for which ye madly grind; What is it, where is it defined? Is it an earthly goal or gain For which ye toil and suffer pain? Is there a promise written forth? And if there be, what is it worth? It's certain that no earthly pleasure Can compensate, in any measure, For toils and hardships undergone By these poor souls who dwell upon Our mundane sphere — this rock formed rind- Is't here that hope is left behind? A faith in after-life reward Is by no means to be deplored; For, if there be no place called heaven, What can there be, our hopes to leaven? What is there that shall strike a balance? What price our spent, earth-wasted talents? I feel there is, indeed, a spot Far, far from here, and there is naught Can quench my thought that it exists; 'Tis that on which my hope subsists. And in this misty, far away And hallowed spot, there may not stay That thing accursed, the ukelele. Strumming in manner miscalled gaily. No colleger shall be allowed To enter, lest he cast a cloud Of horror o'er the shining face Of any dweller in that place. And there may be no ill reciters Of so-called verses, nasty blighters, Who throw a qualm through all my body By spouting all the versy shoddy That e'er was written; "Dan McGrev/' And "Pity Women," nay, pity you. Who need must, heJpless, sit and hear That awfful rot throughout the year. Ah, yes, indeed, my cherished thought Is that there may be such a spot, Where I at least may find surcease Of horrifying pests like these. 23 T m s> ' 'Si I R :& H- UNPREPAREDNESS D D S D n HE COULDN'T MAKE THE TEAM My pal I'm going to talk about He sure was full of steam, When it came to stunts athletic, But he couldn't make the team. Just send him on an errand His eyes with joy would gleam, But it made no difference how fast he ran, He couldn't make the team. And when it came to jumping, He certainly was the cream, He could give us all a handicap. But he couldn't make the team. We always took him along to swim, In the lake or in the stream, He could swim as fast as anyone But he couldn't make the team. He loved to play a game of ball And as a fielder it would seem He had no equal in the school, But he couldn't make the team. He went along on all our trips. In our machine he was a cog, But he never, no never, made the team, Well — because he was our dog. WAR Here we see the cocky Freshman Strutting proudly down the sidewalk With his shoulders stiffened sharply And his head held high and haughty Khaki suit, tan shoes, and puttees All so snug and tightly fitting Legs that bow and toes turned outward Hat on slantwise, all so spoity Ears protruding ventilators Hair that curls above the collar Eyes of green or brown or sky blue Showing eagerness for fighting Mouth drawn upward at one corner In the other hangs Fatima Burning slow her heart away Thus he goes to military Anxious for the drill today. Here we see the saddened Sophomore Dragging down the walk so cheerless With his shoulders sinking slowly And his head deep bent in misery Cadet grey his suit seems somber Lending to his saddened silence Collar choking — coat fit tightly Trousers hung like those on dress suits Cap pulled down and eyes that, glowering Seem to say that War is — fearful Mouth drawn downward all so sadly Only Camels grace the opening Flaring fitfully away Thus he goes to military Swearing that he- drils today. Next the Kicker or Lieutenant Singing loudly his own praises Loaded down with tactic knowledge Showing vanely his importance Giving orders, shoving, shouting, Leading platoons in parading Little straps upon his shoulders Proudly shown without the asking Get his suit for one year's service And the honor of his ranking Maybe chance to be the captain If his pull is strong enough Thus he goes to military Thinking that it's just the stuff. Lastly here we see the Captain Burdened with his Senior study Kindly dignified and sober Showing harshness very seldom Hat that bears him down with trimming Shoulder straps here showing plainly Leather puttees round the ankles Member of the Blade and Scabbard Here the "Compet" medal Hanging from its little pin Thus he goes to military Trains his company to win. 24 m •¥NGRAVEfts ZINC ETCHINGS HALF-TONES - COLOR PLATES .'. CHAMPAIGN ILLINOIS CYNICAL High: "Did you go out in the evening in Chicago and see the siglits?" Ball: "Yes, most of them were." D n S D u THE ONLY ONE Heifer: What are you doing now? Bull: I'm in the Ag school, trying to learn something. Heifer: Well, you ought to succeed, you have no rivals. C D S D D Sheet Music All the latest and popular hits will be found at my store. 1 also handle the Baldwin line of pianos and Sonor phonographs Hamilto Arcade n 1 1 CTl I Hamilto L. L. OlLL Arcade OVERCHARGED Kid: "\Miy does the cannon kick, papa?" Papa: "I guess they charged it too much, sonny.' D D s n n LIGHT TALK He: "I'm studying how eU.'oti'c light is made." She: "Why, all I have to do is push the button." D D S D D MILITARY EXPEDITION ...NEW... ORPHEUM THEATRE -BELL PHONE 895- 3 Shows Daily— Matinees at 3:00, 10 and 20c— Nigbts at 7:10 and 9:00. 15 and 30c THURSDAY, FRIDAY and SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24-25-26 T. Dwight Pepple's Song ^"' Dance Review A Miniature Winter Garden Production with 10 Real American Beauties STORM and MURSTON Presenting the Ultra Novelty Comedy Act ''HIS ALIBI'' Webber and Elliott A Novelty Comedy Offering Leroy and Mabel Hart Vocal Offering Jesse L. Lasky's '^AURORA OF LIGHT" A Living Venus Clothed In Rainbows 26 MAURER, Optometrist — Defective vision corrected — Most up to date Rim- less and Sliell Rim Glasses Over 20 years' contin- — Defective vision corrected — Most u pto date Rim- Free. MAURER OPTOMETRIST First Door North Elk Billiard Hall Ufye Florida WidoAV YOU CAN'T BEAT HER J. P. CAVANAUGH 324 N. Hickory St. QUS OSTRAND SAYS: "Give the bo ties and the Thafs why homemade. ys appetizing Home Made Lunch Special- y will make a beaten path to your door." our cafeteria is so popular. All pastries A big portion for a nickel. Third Street Near Green You Can't Miss It The High School Annual, A Business Proposition EVERY progressive high school now gets out a high school annual. Can your school afford to be classed with those that don't? A good live annual will typify an aggressive school spirit better than anything else you can do. It will give every stu- dent, no matter how modest, an opportunity to con- tribute something to his school's history. The plan- ning of it will furnish training In systematic and business dealings with the business world. It will create a good school spirit, and add to the teacher's success. IT IS just as easy to get out a good high school annual as a poor one. The cost of the paper and ink, and all the labor put into it, is the same in either case. The best annuals are those that are filled with good pictures. There's a difference in half-tones, the same as in shoes or any other man- ufactured product. Our Service Department will help you plan a book that will be distinctive. Tell Us the size of your school, the number in each class, about your organizations, etc., and let us submit an outlined plan. The Indianapolis Engraving & Electrotyping Company FIFTH FLOOR WULSIN BUILDING INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA Dance Dates= COLLEGE GRIDIRON ORANGE & BLUE CRYSTAL VARSITY March il March 4 February 26 March 18 ^^ ^j^^ ^^ April 8 ^ ., ■ ^ May ,2 March 26 Apnl 29 ^^YX May 12 May 6 May 19 June 8 May 12 THEATRE BELVOIR Mutual Photo Plays Masterpieces DeLuxe EVERY MONDAY and TUESDAY "The Strange Case of Mary Page" March 2, 3 and 4 "On The Fircinfl Line With The Germans ' HIGH CLASS ROAD ATTRACTIONS COMING "Made In America," Mar. 1 "John Drew" "Daddy Long Legs" "His Majesty Bunker Bean" with Taylor Holmes Mr. Pecan— "What seems to be the trouble, Jafies?" Whistle— Why do those players wallow in the nuid James — "One of the cylinders is missing, sir.'' so much? Mr. Pecan— "My word! Where do you suppo<5e we Thistle— To give the scrub team something to do.— lost it?"— Burr. Tiger. GEORGE D. LOUDEN ^^'ILL T. FLANNINGAM LOUDEN & FLANINGAM PRINTERS and BINDERS Bell 779 114-116 N. Walnut St., Champaign, 111. Auto 1158 MILITARY BALL CANDY (H We present a big array of choice, fresh candies for your approval. (H Packed in swell 5 lb. boxes and delivered promptly to your booth SOCIETY AND COMMERCIAL PRINTING. ENGRAVING COPPERPLATE PRINTING. T^T^TT^T-T-T71>C ' ^'^^^^ ^"^ EMBOSSING. r^ivlJNlrLlvo wedding and party stationery. • • • M Xl.\^ • • • PARK . . . Home of . . . Paramount Pictures Student Crumb 506 EAST GREEN Shelf Hot Soup, Chili 10c Hot Cocoa 5c Hot Coffee 5c Sandwiches of all Kinds 5c Open 7 a. m. Close 6 p. m. Largest and Best Shop UNIVERSITY DISTRICT T^ n^irl\}^ ^ ^^^ £a^^ Green Street, Champaign J\^UTlUy ^f Auto Phone 2265 Prize Cups, Medals, Class Pins & Badges College Jewelry Design a submitted and Prices quoted on any special work of this kind. We also do Optical work and maintain a grind- ing plant in which we can duplicate your broken lenses in about one hour's time. We fit glasses in the most sci- entific manner. T. H. CRAIG Jeweler and Optometrist Established 1896 5 Main Street Champaign The Soft Water Laundry A. A. Nyberg •i* Bell Phone 880 Auto 4506 125 N. RACE STREET URBANA Students! Howard Studio Exchange Offer We make you one dozen of our #8.00 pictures for $2.00 or two- tbirds off on any other work. Get your ticket now — use it tiny time. Howard Studio 112-114 N. Neil 3ver Jos. C. Bowman's Jewelry Btore Bell 322 Auto 2114 IN THE PULLMAN 1st Drummer — "I represent Smith & Co., selling la- dies' footwear and hosiery." 2nd Drummer — "I'm selling underwear." 3rd Drummer picking up suitcase) — "This is as far as I go, boys." — Jack-o'-Lantern. Fresh Student — Of course, I should much prefer an A to E. Prof. — That's strange^ that you should prefer a per- fect stranger to an old acquaintance. — Medley. The great downtown meeting place Ask anybody. They'll say, "Meads, of course." i^ "'Perfection in Confection'^ Complete Stock Fritz Kreisler Records j^ Leslie's Drug Store URBANA CALL O'Byrne Transfer and Storage Company Foi Baggage, Freight or Furniture Office, Opposite I. C. Depot •Patronize 0. E. SHOBE & CO. The Transfer and Livery People. Baggage Line in connection. We cater to Students. Opposite Fire De- partment. URBANA Call at HOOVER'S Sanitary Barber Shop First National Bank Building Fitch's shampoo for dandruff. Olive oil sbampoo for Falling Hair. Hair Cutting a specialty C. L. HOOVER, PROPRIKTOR g*?'^Biwpgscgsa ?\ * f'^rr Stol?a -*\Vctt)iekc ^ Sectional Filing Equipment y Runs the World's Business ^^ ' I "^HE business of running a col- X lege is aided by Globe Sectional Filing Equipment. If grows unit by unit as increasing needs make neces- sary and is always complete, though never completed. There are 21 different lines of Globe Filing Cabinets to select from — 9 Steel lines and 12 Wood lines — a variety that allows of selection to fit your peculiar requirements. If interested in the filing equipment of other schools, x\\e forms of record cards and statistical data used, you will find maiiv illustntions and printed card forms in oiir booklet No. 207, devoted exclusively to filing facilities for schools, colleges and universities. Write lor it to-day. iti tJhc Slobe^tDiekc Co, Cincii Manufacturers of Sectional Bookcases, Filing Equipment (Wood and Steel) Globe Safes, Stationers' Supplies. n% Cloht. Wcinicke Sectional Bookcases and Sectional Filing Equipment in Ihe Office of a Universily. HIGHEST IN QUALITY LOWEST IN PRICE 32 The "Clubby" Smoke-"Bull" Durham You start something lively when you produce "Bull" Durham in a crowd of live-wires and start "rolling your own". That fresh, mellow-sweet fragrance of "Bull" Durham makes everyone reach for "the makings". A hand-rolled "Bull" Durham cigarette brims over with zest and snap and the sparkle of sprightly spirits. €ii OENUINC Bull Durham SMOKING TOBACCO Made of rich, ripe Virginia-North Carolina leaf, "Bull" Durham is the mildest, most enjoyable tobacco in the world. Its unique aroma and pleasing flavor give you wholesome, lasting satisfaction. No other cigarette can be so full of l:fe and youthful vigor as a fresh-rolled cigarette of "Bull" Durham. "Roll your own" with "Bull" Durham and you'll discover a nevv^ joy in smoking. THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY Notice Beardsley Hotel COMBINATION CLUB BREAKFASTS When you think of photographs you Business As the demand seems to be growing for a lower priced meal, we have de- cided to institute on February 1st, combination breakfasts from 25c to naturally ihink of Secret 65c, and discontinue our present American Plan breakfast altogether. BUSINESS MEN'S LUNCHEONS (Week Days) The No. 2 We shall also on February 1st dis- continue our present American Plan Luncheon, and in its place, serve a Photo Business Men's Luncheon at 40c to everyone, be they guest or outsider. This opportunity, we grant, as there Art We are not magi- seems to be a strong demand both lo- ca'ly and among the traveling public Shop cians, but we never for a cheaper noon day rate. DINNER (Week Days) fail to change your On and after February 1st, we shall abolish the 75c rate altogether, and serve dinner to both room guests and outsiders at 50c each person. We CO-OP BUILDING Champaign, 111. countenance from one of (?) to one of hope this will popularize our evening meal and incidentally it will give our satisfaction when we their customers at their rate. This change of plan in the dining deliver those old room will be put to a test, and if found popular, it will be continued, particularly so, if it pleases a greater number than at the present rate, in the near future we will run a modi- fied a'la carte bill, serving practically everything except delicacies, special- izing particularly on steaks and chops. Illinois Pressing clothes cleaned C-L-E-A-N May we clean them Remember, we have music vwith our (T^ evening meal each night. SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS bnop up or dye them ov- Combination breakfasts will be served Sunday morning at the regular (Successor to Dick's Place) er? hours, but we will substitute our for- Fnur Siiitl Suit Cleaned and Pressed our new week day luncheons and din- ners. Inasmuch as the Sunday and holiday meals will be more or les:-- elaborate, the charge will be 75 cents LB.$OUDER each meal. Both of these meals will $1.25 be greatly enhanced by music ren- dered by the Beardsley orchestra. CLEANER The All work done with expert workmanship DYER Beardsley 510 E. Green St. Hotel Co. Bell 2250 Auto 1192 BOTH PHONES Load Up that blessed pipe with good old " Tux " and knock the daylights out of care and woe and trouble and all the rest of that tribe. The Perfect Tobacco for Pipe and Cigarette "Tux" is made of the finest selected Burley — full of gimp and go and get-there livehness. But it's a smooth, mellow, fragrant smoke — the "Tuxedo Process," which is often imitated but never equalled, takes away all the bite and parch and leaves it mild, sweet and cool. Try one tm of "Tux" — you'll fmd it will com- fort, refresh and satisfy you as no other tobacco can. YOU CAN BUY TUXEDO EVERYWHERE Convenient, glassine wrapped, ^/^ moisture-proof pouch . . . «Jv^ In Tin Humidors, 40c and 80c Famous green tin with gold 1 /^>-» ettering, curved to fit pocket In Glass Humidors, 50c and 90c THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY The Olympia Confectionary FINEST STORE IN THE STATE Home Made Candies Ice Cream and Ices Dainty Luncheons GEORGE J VRINER PROPRIETOR The New Pep Last For young men, black and tan ; Rubber Sole or Hard Sole. Three grades— $3.50, 4.00 and 5.00 Light Dress Rubbers A Last for Every Shoe THE QUALITY SHOE MEN CURRY & TAYLOR Reimond Bldg. Main St. URBANA, ILL. Front Lace Corsets Are growing in popularity and little wonder when one weighs the winning features of La Camille Front lace corsets which for accuracy of fit, beauty of line and fineness of materials is unequaled at its price. It has the Ventilo Back An improvement that makes possible more comfort than any corset ever before gave. Priced at $2 to $8 SPRING STYLES NOW READY G. C. WILLIS Champaign, Illinois Pete — "I haven't been to a show for so long tliat I wouldn't know how to act." Repete — "What the thunder do you want to act for — wassamatter with the actors? — Awgwan. n D s D n Ruth Egge (to awkward dancing partner) — Do you know you resemble a quadruped, Mr. ? Partner — "How's that?" R. E. — "You walk on four feet, you know." — Awk. We Are Not a "Jack of All Trades," But -■ We are specialists on plumbing and heating repair work. Make us prove it? WOZENCRAFT & FINDER BOTH PHONES This Is "The Birthday Gift Store" Who among your friends has a birthday this month? Can't you picture in your mind how happy he or she would be to receive a birthday gift? Birthdays are "personal days." BUY IT AT They're even more important gift days than Christmas. Christmas is everybody's day. ' We've i Car. MOVIE NUMBER THE riREN Vol. V. Number 7 March, 1916 ON THE ' „ Baseball--Club--Managers cigarette include i rfXf?hr°P°'*"'" "5"''''' BHides-and ertv ^ II """"^grades have been prop- el mellowed by age— and if tli.v ha'e been so blended as to bring out the best qoa lies and to neutralise any unpleasan JOaJities in each of the different Vpes of tobaccos, you will be able to smoke prac- tically whenever you feel like it through the day without feeling any effect from it. ' cut with another cigarelte in which the blend IS less skillful, e.en though the to!.| baccos are of the highest grad.!^ you wHI find along towards the end of he day that you are likely to have that feeling of having "smoked too much " ' igarette 'lO for 15*> A Sensible Cigarette ^Xk^^ZuJU ^nasta^ D-7 JITNEY PLAN DIAMONDS— On easy payments — come in and let usexplain-you pay 10 cents down and that secures for you a diamond of unusual value — just now we are specializ- mg by offering a 14 carrat mounted — either Ladies' or Gents' Diamond — for $25.00 — Ten cents down is all required Wuesteman Registered Optometrist Charapaign, Illinois BAKERY— Reickhoff 3 BARBERS— G. C. Ehreott 30 C. L. Hoover 9 Gaston 34 BOOK stores- Co-op .... Inside Front Cover Lloyde 2 CONFECTIONERS— Bradley 4 Thornhill 4 D. H. Harris 29 White & Gold 34 Frank Mead 26 OlvniDia 33 CLOTHIERS AND HABERDASHERS— Cluett, Peabodv&Co.... B.C. Marshall 4 Zombro 3 DRUGS— Leslie 36 Spauldine 3 GROCERIES & MEATS— Roberts & Grant 34 I. F. Webster & Co 33 JEWELERS— Rav L. Bowman 10 A. E. Wuesteman 2 T. H. Craie 8 MISCELLANEOUS— Rocksie 7 Soft Water Laundry 9 Twin City Creamery 3 L. B. Souder 32 Ind. Ensr. & Elec. Co 33 Beardsley 9 Wozencraft & Finder 9 Globe-Wernicke 29 G. C. Willis 36 L. L. Sill, Music Store 26 Philbrick Gift Shop 7 Pitzenbarser & Flynn 7 Champaign Ice Cream Co.. . . 8 W. W. Paul 9 McWilliams & Gleim 32 Custer 33 White Line Laundry 34 Racon Bros 36 Klaxon Horn I. B. C. PHOTOGRAPHERS— Photo Art Shop 8 Strauch 8 Aristo 28 Renne 32 POOL & BILLIARDS— 111. Billiard Hall 7 I. P. Cavanauah 30 Newman 4 Leseure 10 RESTAURANTS— Crumb Shelf 32 Alamo 4 THEATRES— Belvoir 28 Colonial 10 Lyric 30 Orpheum 6 Park 26 TOBACCOS— Bull Durham 5 Fatima 1 Velvet 31 Tuxedo 35 Vasiadas 27i TRANSFER COMPANIES— i Chester Transfer Co 30 O. E. Shobe & Co 9 Consult the dance date page for Second Semester Club Dances. Pase 28. At Last! Cupid lias found in the Autogriii)hic Kodak something that beats the time-honored bow and arrows. A Snap Hhot makes a Sure Shot when he writes it on the film .1/ the Time. EVIDENCE! Swiped From Life Kodaks and Photo Supplies at LOYDES 7 Main St. and 606 E Green St. i RIECKHOFF BAKER Y We Bake Wedding Cakes and ornament them to order. If you have some old family recipe, you can mix the cake yourself and we'll do the baking. We make birthday cakes, too. We even put the proper number of candles on, if you say so. Order one for the next celebration at your house. Rest assured it will not have a chance to get stale. 213 South Neil St. CHAMPAIGN Green Street Pharmacy B. E. SPALDING, Proprietor Prescriptions Carefully Prepared Three Registered Pharmacists Toilet Articles, Perfum ery. Best Cigars and Cigarettes. Everything In Magazines Cor. Green & 6th. St. The Days Of Real Sport Qt-\«-in rr °^^ the campus — G. Oprillg H u ff and Jack Bradley getting ready to win an- other championship — and every University man dropping into Zom's to pick out his new duds. Zom has surpassed himself in selecting this spring stock. Come in and see it. And of course you're welcome if you only come to loaf. Roger Zombro Green Street, of course. Buy Twin City Creamery BUTTER From Your Grocer Exercise Without Monotony The games of Billiards and Pocket Billiards furnish a mild and beneficial exercise, in which brain, eye, hand and muscle are called into play. A new problem presents itself with every shot. Physicians, lawyers, and business men the world over play the fascinating games of Bil- liards and Pocket Billiards. The art of pleasing is not a difficult art if we avoid imperfections. Nothing but pure fruit flavors used at our fountain. Ihe Arcade Confectionery "Jimmie" Thomhil! BRADLEY ARCADE BILLIARD PARLOR Bradey Arcade DEWEY NEWMAN SAM EHRMAN Pr()()rietor Manager BRAPLSY ARCAPe THE ALAMO 'iirw^ THE HOME OF GOOD THINGS TO EAT OPEN ALL THE TIME Meal Tickets $5.00 for $4.50 L D. STEUART BRADLEY ARCADE It's Good to know that the best there is in tailor- ing is at your service. Select your garments while the assort- ment of woolens is complete, and have them made by Anderson of Chicago. Prices-$18'$45 "Marshall" Bradley Arcade 0pp. Library flllllllllllllllllllllllllllllillllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiii^ !i i i!il ! l!i ii i illi i iM i i iiiiiiiii i jiimmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiMiiiiiii ii iyiiii i ii i i i iiiii i i i iiiiiiiiimiimi Get the Range of Smoking Satisfaction !■ Roll DuU" Durham Into a cigarette and you have a smoke with all the vim, vigor and dash of Uncle Sam's fighting men. That's why the American Army is an army of "Bull" Durham smokers. "Bull" puts snap into their action and "punch" into their systems. For a virile, lively, manly smoke, "roll your own" with "Bull " ^ OENUINE "Bull Durham SMOKING TOBACCO "Bull" Durham is the mildest of all tobaccos — a fragrant, mellow-sweet tobacco that soothes the nerves and brings the happy, contented feeling that comes from thorough satisfaction. Made of the famous "bright" Virginia-North Carolina leaf, "Buir'has been the great American smoke for three gen- erations. There is no other tobacco like it. You "roll your own" with"Bull"and enjoy a real smoke. THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY Orpheum Theatre BELL PHONE 895 CHAMPAIGN'S PARLOR HOME OF VAUDEVILLE 3 SHOWS DAILY Matinees at 3:00; 10--20c Nights at 7:30, 9:00; 15--30c Thursday, Friday. Saturday, March 16-17-19 ^E. P. CHURCHILL, Inc. Offers "The Tango Girl" A tabloid musical comedy in three acts. Twenty-five people, including Leo Greenwood, Lottie Wilson and a big beauty chorus. Monday, Tuesday and Wed., March 20, 21 & 22 Cheerbert's Marvelous Manchurians Jno. Hymer & Company In their own latest comedy success, "JIMTOWN JUNCTION" Simpson and Dean Breezy bits of eccentric entertainment Heath and Perry Comedy singing entertainers Rouble Simms Novelty Comedian Thursday, Friday and Sat., March 23, 24 & 25 Spain's Foremost Dancers v Edward and Eliza Cansino Dancers to his majesty, Alphonzo XIII. and the Royal Court of Spain Four— Other Features — Four NOTE:— This is the same act that was recently featured at the Palace theatre, Chicago. k^P|-p-pvr||*p|4|-|p^QQ^^ IS the keynote of the hour. Take ad- -■- ■■■ ^P^A C^iaiic;:^:^ vantage of it by an early inspection of offerings for the new season. Our new models are truly representative of artistic clothescraft. They will reflect your individuality. We are exclusive agents for the famous J. W. LOSSE CO. of St. Louis We Can Make Any Style You Want With Any Little Extras You May Want and We Guarantee to Save You Money Pitzenbarger & Flynn 612 East Green Street CLEANING & PRESSING 44 1^ yy ILLINOIS I Billiards Everybody Knows Where LOVELY WOMEN Co-ed (as machine came to stop) : Oh, dear, what's wrong? John: Stripped the gears. Co-ed: Oh, John, do you think it will show? D D S D D He — "May I spend this evening with you?' She — "And what else?"— Jack-o'-Lantern. The Philbrick Gift Shop Hamilton Arcade Gifts Out of the Ordinary If i;ou bug it of T. H. Craig gou know its right Optical work is one of our important depart- ments. We have a lens grinding machine and do all our own lens grinding. We can duplicate your broken lenses in about one hour's time. Just save the pieces or bring us your prescription. We test your eyes and grind your lenses right in our shop and can give you the best and quickest service pos- sible. X. H. Craig, optometrist ESI ABLISHED 1896 5 Main Street Champa'gn, Illinois JUST LIKE OLD HOME FOLKS Illinois Traction System Your friends can buy anything you can give them except your photograph. Make Jin Jlppointment ^odag jne Photo Art Shop CHAMPAIGN ICE CREAM COMPANY SANITARY- ICE CREAM SHERBETS AND ICES 115-117 East University Avenue BELL PHONE 175 AUTO PHONE 2107 YOUR Official Route Coll: "Was Dick surprised when you told hitr Mat he had flunked Math?" Issimo: "Yes, he said it never entered his head." n n s D n NECESSARY Husband: I don't think the doctor needs to come as often as he has lately. Wife: Well, I think he does; J'm his only patient, you know. Pleasant spring days, congenial friends, and a Kodak. Our shop will supply the equipment, and finish the pictures which will make permanent the memory of good times. STRAUCH'S 625 South Wright Street 112 North Neil Street Don't Kill Your Wife! Let us do your dirty ^vork. We >vash— per pound Our close attention ol" details is one of the reasons we deserve your patronage. Our wagon will call for your bundle. We mail and express daily to out of town customers. Soft Water Laundry Notice ! ! North Race St. Both Phones COMBINATION CLUB BREAKFASTS As the demand seems to bs growing for a lower pricel meal, we have instituted combination breakfasts from 25c to 65c, and discontinued the American Plan breakfast. BUSINESS MEN'S LUNCHEON'S (Week Days) Wp have discontinued the American Plan Luncheon, and in its plate, serve a Business Mrn's Luncheon at.'lOc. DINNER (Week Days) We have abolished the 75c r.ite, and serve dinner at 50c each person. Remember, we have music with our evening meal each nlyht. SUNDAYS AND HOLIDAYS Combination breakfasts will be served Sunday morning at the regular hours, but we will serve our former American Plan Sun- day dinner and Sunday evening meal at 75c for each meal. ^^' Beard sley Hotel Co. Patronize 0. E. SHOBE (& CO, The Transfer and Livery People. Baggage Line in connection. We cater to Students. Opposite Fire De- partment. URBANA If You Are Particular — we want you for a customer when your Plumb- ing or Heating needs repairing or remodeling. WOZENCRAFT & FINDER BOTH PHONES Wn 1AM WALLACE PAI MAIN 8.WALNUT ST. CHAMPAIGN ILL I DIDN'T THINK IT OF HER. Mother — "Gladys you s ood on the porch quite a whi'.e with that young man last night." Gladys — "Why, mother, 1 only stoo(} there for a second." Mother— "But I'm sure I heard the third and fourth." — Panther. D D S D U Lit. Man (at the ball)— "Are you familiar with John Mase- fleld?" She— "What do you me-"i? I'm never familiar with anyone." —Yale Record. Can at HOOVER'S Sanitary Barber Shop First National Bank Building Fitch's shampoo for dandruff. Olive oil shampoo for Falling Hair. Hair Cutting a specialty C. L. HOOVER, PROPRIETOR As fragrant as the memorv of vour first case — hopelessly intermingled with the things vou told each other — what made vou like her first and all that; the aroma of good tobacco (the Ha- ven sort) runs thru the whole dream! 'Evings I'm growing po- 3tic, what with htis spring sun- shine and a half-burnt Deity! Leseure's Smoke Haven Right on Green Street (3ift6 for lEvcvv ©ccasion DIAMONDS Ooid Silver Cut Glass Clocks China Pottery Leather Carved Wood Reasonably Priced Card Plate Engraving Watch, Cl(itk and Jewelry Repairing given careful and expert attention Antique Jewelry Repairing A Special Feature SATISFACTION GUARANTEED IRav %. Bowman ^evvelrv (Lo. ITaniilton lill,-. Champaign- 111. TRIANGLE PLAYS Quality Difference Defined OME things are best left to the imagination of the peo- ple, and about others they need be told. It is time to draw a sharp line of demarcation between picture plays and TRIANGLE PLAYS. No one who has any knowledge of the motion picture art can long suffer illusion as to the standing of D. W. GRIFFITH, MACK SENNETT and THOMAS H. INGE. These men do not merely produce motion pictures' THEY PRODUCE A SPECIALIZED PRODUCT. Pictures are shown for ten cents, but there is a wide difference between pictures at ten cents and TRIANGLE PLAYS produced under the conditions existing in the Fine Arts, Keystone and Kay Bee studios where Messrs. Griffith. Sennett and Ince hold forth. To charge that pictures can only be pictures it may be returned that actors can only be actors, yet one actor is worth $30 a week, and another is worth $3,000. TRIANGLE PRODUCTS are not just motion pictures; they are more than that. They are truly plays, and they are worthy of being named in the same breath and column with any dramatic effort. Discriminating people will see TRIANGLE PLAYS and see the quality difference. COLONIAL THEATRE I Will some human benefactor, for himself great honor gain, And produce a motion picture, free from scenes of death and pain? Must we always have the hero, suffer agonies for years. Have him stabbed and shot to pieces, and see the heroine shed tears? Won't somebody some day give us. Motion Pictures which portray, Other things than sin and passion, and poor maidens led astray? He: "Let's get married, dear?" She: "Have you secured the necessary money?" He: "Well — I've put it in a safety deposit vault.' D n S D D THE ETERNAL QUESTION He wandered in the Arcade Bar His face was pale and thin If you turned him sidewise There was nothing left of him. "I know the name, I know the fame Of seven thousand actresses I know the cost of Bushman's suits And Theda Sara's dresses." "I know the kind of grape-fruit That Blackwell takes each morn I know the smallest little town In which a star was born." THEY NEVER SAY THANK YOU Mike: "I did an e.xtraordinary thing today. I had the last word with a woman." Ike: "Zat ho? How'd it occur?" Mike: "Coming home on the car I said, "Won't you have my seat, madam?" D n s n n IN MEMORY OF She: "One sees so many monuments erected in the memory of generals and artists, but none are erected to doctors." He: "Aren't our cemeteries sufficient?" D D s D n AW,— COME ON Come, let us to the movie show, I've heard that Theda's going to throw A very passioned scene or two. (I rather fancy her, do you?) Perhaps she'll lose a hook or eye. And censors wouldn't let this by — But anyway she may appear. She'll always find me somewhere near, Quite wide awake and never nappin'. Because one can't say what'll happen When fulsome Theda's on the screen. And throws a really nasty scene. Then come with me and take a chair Well centered things look best from there. And watch for dear old Charlie Chaplin. He's vulgar, but he puts more snap in A quiet boosting with the toe Than any other man I know. And who is there that might object. Regardless of his creed or sect, To playful blows upon the face. Dealt with the mallet or the mace. We know they're only rubber ones, Not half so hard as mother's buns. "But one unknown still racks my soul And sleepless makes my nights. I try to down the demon But evermore he fights." "One thing to me's a mystery And makes me thus to rave O tell me this, if aught you can My soul from despair save." "When Charley Chaplin stamps his foot Or slides about the rugs Or kicks fair Mabel in the nose. Why? Oh, why Does the audience go bugs?" And maybe buxom Pearl White Will kindly offer to our delight, A charming view — a nature study — So innocent that everybody Will say 'tis art — and very high. So high, indeed, that you or I Can never touch, in any way. For she is haute de monde, they say. She typifies the western girl — A very charming girl, is Pearl. So come along and have a time — It's only going to cost a dime — And If the plot Is dull or deep. We'll fold our arms and go to sleep. A2 JLh XMJB ,SIR.EiM, PARLIAMENTARY TERM— "THE AYES HAVE IT" 13 Editor-in-Chief Business Mavaper Elliott S. Miller Paul D. Amsbary Associate Editor Roger Hill R. H. Thompson J. H. TiCKNOR S. D. Harwood Harold Turner Carlton Hkai.y Art Editor C. A. Klein Advertising Manager A. M. KiRCHEK STAFF V. N. Clark A. S. Van Deusen M. B. Ware J. K. Barber E. Malapert Philip Corper J. F. Bailey A. A. Dailey I. L. LUMMIS C. M. Ettinger Circulation Manager F. C. NORLIN Sami'.sox Kaphaelson C. W. Campbell Don V. Chapman F. H. MacElvain F. W. Patton PiMishcd moHthhj hij the students of the University of Illinois during the college year. Entered as sec- ond cla.is matter at postoffice at Urbana, III, Feb. 1, 1916, under Act of Congress. March 3, 1879. Office of pu-blicatron. Urbana Courior Company, Urbana, III. Subscription 50 cents per year in ad- vance. Out of town subscriptions $0.75; single copies 15 cents. All business communications shoxild be sent to Paul D. Amsbary, 70(i W. Green Street, Urbana, III Contributions either art or literary should be sent to Elliott 8. Miller, 410 East (Ireen Street. T IS possible that the wise founders of oiir great University had a pur- jiose in locating the institution where they did. Perhaps they looked forward to the day when many thousands of students would be enrolled, and deliberately located the center of learning where there would be little or no attraction which would distract the student from his main purpose — study. They succeeded well, if tliat was their intention. No lake tempts us in the spring time. No cool breezes lure us to its shores. Nor do blue waves on a sandy beach invite us to spend our afternoons on a diving board. No sail boats, or noisy motor boats, or temptations to watch the crew work out, interrupt the days of spring. And when the soft nights of May and June are upon us, never are we made roman- tic or restless by the siglit of canoes, and moonlit waters, as the melody of mandolins conies indistinctly to us from far out on the lake. And during the long winters there is nO' expanse of ice to bid us go iceboat- ing and seating. Nor do hills and valleys invite us to toboggan. Yes tlie wise founders of our great University did well, for no friv- olous diversions, nor possibilities of recreation were present to lure us from study. But the hand of modern invention set at naught their crafty machinations, for they reckoned not with the "Movies." T.-M p.-- s-ija-E n AN is siirely a creature of emotions. One would think that in his moments of leisure he would seek diversion of a kind Avliicli would please and amuse him,, so that the worries and cares of his daily life would be dispelled, and momentary pleasure gained. But his strongest in- stincts seem not to lead him to scenes of gladness and merriment, but rather to scenes of the deepest sorrow. If we knew a murder or fatal accident were to occur in the adjoining room, we would hurry to witness it. Hang- ings, fires, and wrecks, are events that invariably draw vast crowds. The suffering of others seems to l>e the greatest attraction of all. It appears that we seek diver- sion then, not to be anuised or pleased, but rather to have (lur emotions deeply stirred. Perhaps that is one of the reasons the Moticm Pic- tures are so popular among us. They are well adapted to reproduce scenes of horror, death, sutfering, murder, temptation, and all tiie frailties of mankind. AVe can jiay a dime and spend an hour or two in allowing our emotions to be played to l)y scenes of intrigue, cruelty, violence^ and domestic unfaithfulness, and account it a dime well spent. And it vei-y probably was. It is noth- ing against the Motion Pictures that tliey show such pic- tures. They have to. The fact that they are able to, is perhaps the reason that they will not prove a fad, as some few predict, but are a permanent fixture of our society. They are constantly increasing their ability to arinise emotions, both by the perfection of the methods of production,, and by the adtlition of nuisic which portrays the dominant emotion upon the screen. Correspondingly they have increased in popularity. As the shades of emotion l>ecome more delicate, and the methods of producing the effects more subtle and in better taste, so also does the class of people appealed to improve. As men, therefore, have ever catered to their emotions, be it in gambling, drink, or vice, or by the more refined means of the drama, and literature, so will they continue to do. And as the Mo- tion Picture is coming perhaps to be the most powerful instrument of all in di'agging our emotions thru all the shades of feeling, so is it destined to be an ever increasing factor in oiir diversion. D D S D D They charge us ten cents to do this. 15 f OUR COLLEGE PRIMER 6. The Libraree — A Pastime Of course, some of us dearly love to fox trot. And then agaia, there are others who don't know whether the fox trot is a tooth paste or a new style ear-ring, but who can recite Trigonometry both ways from the middle, in- cluding the title page, the copyright and the appendix? And then, there are those of us who read Hearst's every month. It takes all sorts of persons to, etc. But there is one thing that we all do. We all do it by instinct. We never acknowledge it, nor can we catch the other fel- low in the act. We haunt the libraree. A husky engineer, who expects in the near future to plough his way through mountainsides, takes ten minutes to meander 50 feet through the libraree. During that space of time he has said Hello three times, has stepped aside politely for two young ladies who are four feet from him and six feet from the opposite wall, and has gone through the terrible dramatic strain of looking as if he was going to do something. A lovely young thing stands at the desk in a seminar in the morning. She stalks around a while, and then she tap-taps down the hall. You would think that nothing short of an earthquake could stop her. Yet it is fifteen minutes before she has landed, tardy, in her class, the room of which is located 43 feet from the seminar. During the intervening time she has made a flank at- tack on the sanitary drinking fountain, as if she were in the last throes of an agonizing thirst, as if the corridor were a desert, 1,000,000 miles square and she had no camel to cut open. Of course, the oasis is occupied. A beautiful and har- monious combination of necktie and pompadour is per- forming a dainty aquatic gurgle. When the glistening color scheme looks up, the while mopping its mouth with an initialed red-bordered silk, the lovely young thing for- gets the horrible crackling dryness which by rights should even now possess her, and illustrates the remarkable nearness of tears to smiles, of comedy to tragedy, by say- ing something about a lesson, something trivial, inconse- quent, light. And he answers, with a laugh that shows he does not realize that she probably is dying, dying from thirst, dying with a smile while she talks about insignificant things far away from the vast mystery of death and — We cannot go on. It is too terrible. Our brain re- fuses to picture the delirious scenes which are enacted every day in our librarees and their environs — yea, even out in the open, unsupported corridors. n D s n n Pearl: "How? do you know he loves you?" Ruby: "He told me last night he'd rather not go to the movies — but just stay at home and talk." I THE THREE "Rs" READINa, RITING, RITHMETIC 16 "Beg pardon, Miss — but — er — How do you do." "How dare you, sir, I never met you." "That's very true, but Wliat would you say, To a nice little luncheon, At yonder Cafe?" "You're certainly kind, 'Tis very true, But I know your wife Is looking for you. For I overheard you A moment ago, Say you'd meet her here in Ten minutes or so." "That's very true, but You will agree. That there's plenty of time for A regular spree. For I know the salesman where my Wife always goes, To get her measure for Her fancy silk hose." D D S D n ANTICIPATED Wife: "Are you sure you love me, John?" Husband: "Certainly." Wife: "How much, dear?" Husband: "Well, say, $10 worth. I've had lots of expenses this week." NEW FORM OF VICE Why was Johnnie "slow" at school. So that teacher oft was cruel. Why was Johnnie always late. When he wooed the charming Kate? - — The movies. Why the ring he did not buy, Till many a year had passed him by. Why so late on the wedding day, Was it just his careless way? — The movies. Why the cause that lonesome Kate, Oft at night for John would wait. Till the babes oft lonesome, too. Would wake and cry the long hours through? — The movies. Why his bills he did not pay Till months had often slipped sway. Why was John so oft delayed That his business went down grade? — The movies. Wonder if when at death's gate. He'll stop for a movie and be late. And when he will in heaven stand, "To hell with you," says the judge, "and — The movies." D n S D D GETTING si FOR REEL LOVE X..M Es SI ja E W THE CAMPUS RUBAIYAT Ah, Love! Could You and I with Riets conspire To Grasp this Algebraic Mess entire; We would not char the Midnight Wick tonight — But in the heady Fox Trot Maze expire! A Comic Section on the Grass; a Row Of Pop and Ham and Bread on it; and Thou Beside me ragging Songs in Crystal Lake — Ah, Crystal Lake were paradise enow! The Ball no Question makes of Eyes and Nose; They'll let Him in if He wears Evening Clothes — Unknowing of Red Underwear beneath — But he knows about it all — he knows — HE knows! Myself, I was a Young and Ardent Gent And newer Wasteful Time in Study spent, And much with Females fussed — but now no more! I've all that I can do to pay the Rent! To University, and WHY not knowing Nor WHENCE— a lot of knowledge stowing — And then, Degreed, into the World let loose To talk of WEATHER— silly, silly blowing! D n S D D \is) RecL L\pe \U R6AL Hf& -^Mt CoULCGc ATmtTc TrtE Co-£D i Twe c,RA«i^ The (k)night was cold and dark and dreary, (apologies to Longfellow) D D S D D IN-FIRM He: "The poor fellow is infirm." She: "Where is he? Sing Sing?" D D s n D A CAMERA MAN In Four Parts I Sir William Theodosius Brown Had started out one day To take some Movies of a bear While it was eating hay. II His camera slung upon his back He climbed a rugged range And then he came upon the bear Which was quite passing strange. Ill The busy bear looked up at Bill Who had his camera kit And started taking steps toward him While he was taking it. IV Sir William had his head all hid He ventured out too far The bear came on, — alack poor Bill He's now a Movie "Star." Jiik T M B js I a E« :^ KWERY KOLYUM (Conducted by Otto Hno) Dear Hno: Who invented the moving picture ma- chine and how did it happen? PHIL M. Dear Phil: The kinemetograph was invented by a philanthropist who was conducting experiments towards perfecting an apparatus to provide support for antedated ministers. No, Phil, he didn't set them up in the show business — he created for them the National Board of Senselessship. In this way hard shelled Bap- tist preachers who were so old that the enamel had cracked and shouting Methodist stentors who were too deaf to enjoy anything but what they saw were given the thumbs on what we are seeing on the screen. And they are so sinfully stingy that after they see something rather good on the screen they cut, and no one else can enjoy the film quite as much as they did. It is said that the National Board is made up of the most enthusiastic movie fans in the country. Gabriel himself would be an enthu- siast if he ever saw those films before the cuts were made. You may wonder how "Three Weeks" got by the censors. It is rumored about the movie farm near Los Angeles that the censors enjoyed the film so much that they forgot to snip the sensuous sections with the censoring scissors. Dear Sir: I should like very much to visit a moving picture plant and as I expect to go to California soon I should like to have you give me directions as to how I can best see the stars in action and where I might get the best idea of how the justly famous films are produced. REEL WINDER. D D Dear Reel: I see that you like the single reel comedy best. I suggest that you read two more issues of Film B*im before you attempt to get into a studio. The only people who get closer than a block to the studios are the janitors and chauffeurs, because there are too many automobiles parked thereabout*. A friend of mine once tried to see his film favorites acting in their outdoor studio by flying over them In his monoplane. He was detected, however, and fined for dead -heading. In the case of the moving picture actors the only way to see the stars Is through a telescope or on the screen. n D s □ n HOOSIT? Who puts a drop o' joy in life and frees us from our cares And gives the world amusement, both for poor and millionaires; Who gives us Shakespeare's tragedy, or Mark Twain's frolic fun And brings right down to our home town what- ever's being done. Who fills the spacious pockets of the owner of the show,, With dimes and jits and quarters and other kinds of dough ; So when you watch the movies there's one fel- low you should thank, And he's the fellow in the cage who has to turn the crank. D D CHASTE" SrOUNG WOMEN 21 TT.J^ j^ ■■■ 3,1 a E JH. 5WE These triolets through winter bleak we've nursed, But now the sweet and baimy spring is here And there is nothing left for us to fear. Oh, any dub's a poet when his ear Is ting-aling with melody — that's clear! The robins ain't come yet: our sign's the first.... These triolets through winter bleak we've nursed. But now the sweet and balmy spring is here! D n S D D THE BONEYARD ANTHOLOGY 2. Bertram Bone Right away I ifade Tan Oniejia r»eta and I ijot a Dark I>hie pin edjied witli 2:nld Witli the letters lusci-ibed (III a filiiiree Then I joined two debating Societies and one Literary organization Near the end of The year I made Helmet In my soph year I joined The i'resliyterian chnrfii and Also was elected to Scribblers And the pin is The Cutest Thing It is a gold pen with the Word Scribblers on it After tliat my memory Fails me in regard to jnst what Year I made what but I remember what I Made I made Kn Klnx Tan I5ate The Ag Club And Sachem and Sigma Delta riij And Comitatus I have the loveliest collection Of pins yon ever saw They did not let me graduate Because they claimed that you Have to give More attention to Your classes than to your Fraternities and clubs and Societies I am eighty- two today and I regret profoundly that I did not make the Tribe of the Illiu/i because it is Awfully hard to lift Ash cans. (Thanks for the ash can, Haze.) D D s n n MOTHER'S REPLY. Dear Emil : Sister and I were tickled to death to hear that at last you have attained distinction in col- lege and have been especially selected by the dramatic coach to take part in The Mob as the title part. We certainly put one over on the village cats at the meeting of the sewing circle yester- day. During the conversation, one of them said : "My boy has (piite a prominent position at the university — he's captain of the football team." I said not a word, but just bided my time. Another said: "Oh! Mi/ son is president of the Student Union!" And another: "My son is eilitor of tJie Ddili/ Illini!" And, "Mi/ young- ster has made Phi I'eta Kappa!" says another. ^^'ell. I figured it was about time to step in. So I said, very casually, "My boy has been espe- cially selected to play the title role in TJie Mob, by Oalsworthy, which is to be presented for money by the Mask and Bauble Dramatic Club!" Emil, you should have seen them! They went into hysterics, actually! They'll never brag about their kids again with their cheap honors, I giu'ss. Almut that check — what do you think father is, a millionaire? Lovingly, Mother. S. MILES. "He took me in his arms as the waiter poured a drink and kissed me." "The horrid waiter." D D S D D INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT MEN 6. "Preacher" Whitely "How's the Preacher?" said the Washington corre- spondent ot the Siren, who was in Champaign for his health. "Low," intonated Preach. "Exceedingly low. This town is as dull as a Gillette blade that has been used on a porcupine twenty years." "What's wrong with this town?" "Too dam provincial. If a man murders his family all the papers print it. They think that's the height of wickedness." Preach was offered a cigaret, but refused. "Off the stuff?" he was asked. "Off the stuff?" Preach repeated sadly. "I'm 29 years old, and I wearied of morphine 32 years ago. I tried dy- namite last summer, but it's no use — no zip to it." "Fussing much these days?" said our Washington correspondent in a desperate attempt to appear on a level with this Oscar Wilde. "No," said the Preacher mournfully. "Ever since Edward VII cut me out with Lil Russell, I've been off the women." "Pretty tough, Preach. I guess life must be going slow for you." "Slow? With Shifty Siemens and his ukulele? Slow? Gee, I wish 1 could go to Verdun for a quiet little vaca- tion!" ^ CARMEN Two Carmens came to our town, and played upon the screen As the famous Spanish wanton, with her glamour and her sheen One played the part, with all the art, that in her soul there lay The other played the vampire, in her own half savage way. But Theda's dress was lower. It was modeled just to shov/er We have seen her form so often that in the dark we'd knower While Geraldine, played on the screen, in true grand opera style For something crude, the people rude, awaited all the while. And one of these same Carmens came back the other day The vampire cold, the wanton bold, in all her glad array And as I sat and watched her, I'll leave you now to guess Did I come back, to see her act, or the way she didn't dress? D D S D D EQUIPPED Barr: "What's Rojescheschjy doing with that sy- phon?" Fligh: "He's trying to pronounce his name, I guess." n n s D D TAKING HER PICTURE. He: "May I take your picture?" She: "What do you think I left it on the table for?" D D S D D POKER TERMS AND THE STUDENT. When the theatre "Hikes" the "Ante," and you are "Shy" ten cents on the "Kitty." Astronomy and research, in the mysteries of stars, Is out of date and no one, gives a damn nowdays 'bout Mars. Night and day you hear them talking, in the street and in the cars, All about the Motion Pictures, and about the Movie Stars. D D s n D MOTHER GOOSE COLUMN Joe and Mark Went to the Park To see the actor folk. Cool heroine Wore draperies thin And then the fil-um broke. Tom, Tom, the butcher's son Thought that acting would be fun. He ran away; Now every day We see him in a photoplay. The boy stood on the burning deck — His heart within him shrank. He registered a deadly fear — His partner turned the crank. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children that she didn't know what to do Now what do you s'pose can be the relation Between all these kids and the "Birth of a Nation?" TRUE FABLES She sat uext to me in Ibsen, and we became kindred souls as we heard about the heroes whose names sound as if they came ott" match boxes. Every time 1 thous^ht of going to sleep, I looked at her and saw how interested slie was, and then 1 understood that I was an unlettered beast and a J'hilistine. Uh„ how ashamed I was that 1 couldn't appreciate dear old Heinrik and his new ideas about getting married. Then 1 saw her in Alilton. She could tell just how he had improved the Petrarehian son- net, and she knew just why each line was im- pressive. Ah, such intelligence! Oh, yes, since this is a novel, 1 must tell you of her looks. About her there hung an odor of patchouli, vagne and indefinable. She had Greuze eyes, a Lady Hamilton face, and a Wattean shape. Then I asked her for a date. She said I might come. So I studied up on Ibsen, and studied Par- adise Lost and learned to babble about what a strange effect of emphasis the inverted order made when used in a periodic sentence. We sat on the poi-ch in the soft evening. I began talk- ing of Tschaiko\\sky and of what a barbaric place this is in which to live; no good music and no love for the drama. "Shall we spend the evening here, talking of the great masters or shall we go down to the lilirary to hear the lecture on Henri Matisse?" I asked, tenderly. She yawned involuntarily. "Naw„" she said; "neither one. Let's go to the movies and see Mary Pickford." D D S D D A COOL SMOKE 24a IN THE MOVIES King of creation, am I, This whole world I survey, Most any old time I can see all that's away — Baluchistan or Mandalay, Siberia or Paraguay, In the movies. Lord of creation, am I, I can call into sight. The cream of the stage, The pet of the age. The toe dancer light. Or the hideous fright Of battle by night. In the movies. King of creation, am I. Any time I can see. The sanctimonious saint, Or women who paint. By land or by sea. Whatever there be. It's all free to me In the movies. HARMFUL Freshman; "Kin I go to the movies tonight?" Upperclassman: "No, indeed. It isn't good tor fresh- men to go to moving picture shows." Freshman: "Well — just pretend you don't like me then." D D S D D STARS IN STRIPES THE CHAPERON'S DANCE n D S D D THE SONG OF THE FILM Oh- I am the reel of the celluloid film. The Movie so widely observed. And as I am unwinded my secrets disclose To all who are there to be served. I carry the message of hope to the old. And laughter and joy to the child I give to the lover the scenes he enjoys For boys thrill on thrill 1 have piled. I bring to the business man news of the day I teach the mechanics their trade I advertise goods o'er the whole country wide I show how your products are made. I preach to the public on social reform I bring moral pressure to bear I show the results of the evils of life I turn back the men who "don't care." For hours and hours my scenes entertain, I furnish a clean place to go. My price is so low I'm within reach of all I'm far the most popular show. I give to the poor man the chance if he wills To travel throughout every clime. To see all the world through the camera's eye, And all for the price of a dime. Oh! I am the reel of the celluloid film The Movie so widely observed. And as I'm unwinded my secrets unclose To all who are there to be served. 24b SHEET MUSIC Latest Hits Always In Stock. Baldwin Pianos and Lonora Phonographs Hamilton Arcade \^^ L^ §iJJ Across from Meade's A CAMPUS LITANY From instructors with whisl. F.owman 12 A. E. Wnestenian 2 T. H. Crais 10 Laundries — WliiteLine 38 Soft Water 11 /'/■//( / iiifi Compcmvies — ruiversity Press 30 Courier 8 Twin City Printing Co 5 Pilot oqraphe rs — Photo Art Shop « Stranch 3 Renne 8 J*(ii)l II nd liillUirds — Illinois Billiard Hall 9 J. P. Cavanaugh 34 Newman 4 Lesenre 9 Rrstaiirants — Grnmb Shelf 3(5 Alamo 4 ;\rai'tin's Cave 10 Illiiii)is Gentrai 6 Illinois Traction System 10 W. W. Panl 11 Gurry & Taylor 5 Theatres — Belvoir 30 Colonial 12 Lyric 34 Or])heuui 7 Park 32 Tniiisfcr ('oiiiitaiiies — Ghcster Transfer Co 3l* O. E. Shohe & Co 5 TobcKcos — Bull! Durham 1 A| Velvet Back GoverBI Tuxedo 39 n Vafiadis 35 HI Wearing Ap/iarel — HI Clnett, Peabody & Go 6 HI Marshall 4 ■■ Zombro 3 G. J. Pniitt 5 (J. G Willis 40 MixceJlaneons — Twin City Creamery 3 Pitzenliarger & Fllynn 9 Philbrick Gift Shop 9 Wozencraft & Finder 11 Beardslev Hotel 11 F. W. Woolworth 10 Ghampaisni Ice Cream Go. . . .11 L. L. Sill 29, (Jlobe Wernicke 31-, Klaxon Inside Cover Champaign Tea & Coflfee Co.. . .34 L. B. Souder 36 (}. R. Grubb 36 Indestmcto Baggage 37 Tnd. Engr. & eYcc. Co 38 Custer ■ 38 Bacon Bros 40 1 Sanitary Milk Co 401 Consult dance date page for Club] (lances. " We Are Laying For You ' ' So persistently and consistently that you will always find "SOMETHING HATCHING" At I LOYDES University Supply Store Our Nest Eggs— SERVICE, SAFETY, COURTESY RIECKHOFF BAKER Y Cakes From This Bakery are always favorites in the household. They are liked by both young and old. It is not difficult to learn why. just order some today and after a taste you'll know that in the art of cake baking we are past masters. 213 South Neil St. CHAMPAIGN "Oh, sir," asked the timid maid of thirty with tlie hopeful eyes, "do you thing that a man should propo.se to a girl on his knees?" "I suppose So, but if he didn''t, I think the girl ought to get right off and never sit there again," returned the watchful chaperone." — Jester. D D s n n Him — Are you ticklish? Her — I don't know. (Business.) — Columbia Jester. We Serve Your Photo Needs W. Green Street, Urbana, III. Contributions either art or literary should be sent to Elliott S. Miller, 410 East (Ireen Street. in; hloonuiig blossoms, coiiibined of course with all the frippery appertaining thereto, such as caressing breezes, \\arbling birds, gentle sunshine, and silvery moons, and all the whatnot of spring,, have not onlV been extolled by generations of poets, long since covered with fungus in moldy graves, but will probably continue to be extolled by generations of poets as yet unborn. It seems the na- ture of weak mortals to become sentimentally unbal- anced when the first round moon of springtime arrives. At least "youth" is aft'ected tliat way, and he twists his toes in ecstasy as he breathes hot sighs and raises his youthful eyes to the starlit sky. Just what he i^.ighs for is jierhaps a mystery. But he sighs anyway, and is filled witli indefinable yearnings. Adam and Eve probably did the same thing so we can not censure "youth" when he breathes deep of tlie fragrance of spring, and goes into moon-struck paroxysms. All we can do is stroke our lieards and patting him on the head, remind him that there are many months of moons each year, and lots of years to coiiii-. ,niil besides there is a bloomin' lot of things more important than blossoms. 16 I.oSSO.MS iiuwaday.s are beuoiiiinii rather passe. They went out of style with the faithful wife, and domestic lia]»piness. The hills and valleys were wooded, in the nld days, and the wilrew nnsoiled and un- irauipled. The meadows basked in the summer sun- shine, and the b'ussoms mingled their delicate color- iiiii'S with the ferns and meaditw grasses, nndistnrbed save for the browsing of an occasional cow or sheep, nr the leisnrely footfalls of a passing shepherd. Man iiad not as yet turned his hand ruthlessly to the de- struction of nature that it might subserve his econom- ic interests. I>ut the education and civilization of men has necessitated the "passing of the blossoms." The scientific management of nature has no ijlace in its plans for nniniportant trivialities like flowers. The forests once fragrant with violets, are bestrown with tlie sawdust and leavings of Inmber concerns, or turned into forest reserves in which no man may travel. The little shepherd's cabin covered with its climbing rose vines, or the picturesque farm house, li its windmill and wide rambling porch, are becoming things lie i)ast. Men have found that a precise cltipboarded bunga- pw, with a telephone wire running to it, and a gas engine for ater supply, is a more economical investment. The wire fences )me right up to the house, for even- bit of land under cnltiva- on means more profits. And in industria'' Germany they say, )st of the roadsides and railroad I'ight of ways are systemat- illy plowed and kept under cultivation. \Vhat chance have delicate little blossoms in our world of dollars. Man is har- nessing all nature that she may bring him profit, — the waterfalls, coal mines, and oil wells, for pojver, the rivers for irrigation. Every available piece of land must be made to produce for then and only then will man make the maximum of dollars. As the flowers are unproductive they have no place in man's world. The generations to come, Ave hope, may glimpse the blos- soms as they grow in green h on se.si, blossoms only allowed to exist that they may he sold for dollars. Or maybe some king of in- dustry, surfeited, with wealth, will allow the common hoi-polloi to look thru the high iron fence surrounding his estate, and gaze upon his floAver beds and blossoms, of whose sweetness and fragrance he knows nothing, and perhai>s of whose existence he would be unaware, were it not that he must sign checks for tiieir upkeep. We smirch the landscape with sign boards, telephone poles, and smoke stacks, shut oflf the sky and clouds with the smoke from our factories, shut off the view of the sea with our breakwaters. And the blossoms, too, must eventually go, for they are evidence of man's inefficiency. Beauty and things aesthetic must ever yield to dollars. D D S D D The Sinn wishes to express its acknoAvledgments for art Avork in recent issues to the fol- lowing persons: F. E. Troxel, H. T. Meek, Gladys Philbrick, George Buchanan, and M. K. Ransford. Contributors of literary matter have been AA'illiani Gilmore, T. R. Gib.son, C. B. Beck, and A. E. Singer. IN THE SPRING A YOUNG MAN'S FANCY LIGHTLY TURNS TO THOUGHTS OF— D n s n D THE MORNING AFTER llf had been gloriously soused; so much so, in fact, that he had quite forgotten the obligations due to both nature and the faculty of the grand old institution in which he caroused. Now he had a splitting headache and a s-arcastic letter from his instructor in philosophy, ask- ing him if it would be too much trouble to come to class. Frankly, he admitted that his brain was addled as he walked toward that class. He began to revolve certain things in his mind; but his thoughts fizzed and sputtered like bromo-seltzer. All he could think of was gin rickeys and blue monos and horses' necks. He had done tho.se things which he ought not to have done, ^nd he left undone those which he ought to have done. Truly, there was no health in Henry Terwilliger Jones that day. But he got to class some way, though he reaily was in no condition to commune with the Absolute. How could he rub shoulders with Kant and Fichte as he gazea across the fathomless void where nothingness is not void and void is merely a portion of the notself? When he entered the class room — in a fairly decorus way, he entered — the apartment was quiet and serene. The under, graduates were asleep, and the post graduates were trying to decide wh(!ther an ethical idealist was necessarily a be- liever in the unconscious ego. They pulled aside their intellectual skirts as Henry entered, for he couldn't teil a categorical imperative rom cow pease, though he did know the entire process of making an eel's eye. The instructor took the roll, the graduate students held up their hands and snapped their fingers — for all p. f.'s do lo'.e the sound of their own voices — and the rest of the class immediately went to sleep. Our hero too, we are forced to admit, soared a little as the wiseacres began to talk lamiliarly of infinite things. When the aw- ful thing occurred. "Mr. Jones!" Bill sat up with a horrid feeling of dispair in his heart and a sinking feeding in his stomach. "Yes'm." The graduate students looked at him patronisingly and whispered among themselves, as they gurgled about primary and secondary qualities and the all-pervading not-self. "Mr. Jones, 5-iuce you have read William James, ac- cording to assignment, please tell us what strong orink does to the mystical sensibilities." "Wh-what," gasped Bill. "When a man is drunk, you know," repeatecs the instructor solemnly unseeing as to Henry's condition, "he continues with the over-soul. Things are unreal, ineffable, mystical. Tell how James describes that state." "Yes, yes," exclamed Henry. "And he loses himself: the artificial barrier between him and the world outside him breaks down. He is one!" "Yes, sir," said Henry, excitedly, "when you are drunk, one has no use for the body; he loses control of it; he is ethereal, lightsome, and anthosmial. The world swims about and one cannot find the curbstone. The whole world gets brighter until we see stars in broad daylight and hear the barkeep telling us to get out. We are in the mystical presence!" Henry sank back in his chair and slept. " 'Nother horse neck." he murmured "How adequately he exp:ained it!" shouted the philosphy instructor, "I shall give him 95 in the course." D D s D n ALL FOOL'S DAY Johnny — "Oh. look Mama, the ice man's kissing the cook.'' (Mama starts for the kitchen.) Johnny — "Oh. April Fool. It's only Dad." MOTHER GOOSE COLUMN Sing a song of springtime, I bought some garden seeds And planted them in our back yard which always grew to weeds. The weeds had gone about two laos — th» r,»a= u^ere awful slow And all my neighbors said "Tee hee" "ha ha" "I told you so." Old King Cut is a merry old nut, and his subjects loyal be, And they give their tithe of classes in the university; And on these balmy afternoons King Cut demands his For who can hear a lecture when spring is in the air? Little Miss Apple Came home from chapel Wearing her Easter bonnet Shi gapped with dismay When she put it away To see that the tag was still on it. D n s D n She — "How do you get down off your horse?" He — "I don't get it off a goose." Coll: "Was Dick surprised when you told him that he had flunked MathT' Issimo: "Yes, he said it never entered his head." D D s D n AN ELEGY BY A GRAD This town was just a« lively once As any that you know We used to drink beer in public In the good old days long ago. And drunkards pranced about the streets And no one did demur We didn't know the taste of "coke" Or your friend "the chocolate stir." But the Council's got you by the pants They hold you by the tail Your dear old friends the bootleggers Are doing time in jail. D D S D n NECESSARY Husband: "I don't think the doctor needs to come as often as he has lately." Wife: "Well, I think he does; I'm his only patient, you know." n n s n D AT THE FUNERAL She — "What was his farewell address?" He — "Well, he always led a good life." > OBSERMNG GO i<^ 1 FORM IN SOCIEri AT THE END OF HIS ROPE D D S D D KWERY KOLYUM (Conducted by Otto Hno) Dear Hno: i am worried about Lent. Who invented it, who profits by it? Has Congress ever tried to abol- ish it? Lent was invented by the supreme high council of multimillionaires in prehistoric times. Then the Easter bonnet was half a cocoanut instead of a horticul- ture show. Half cocoanuts were scarce and no one could afford to pay the fabulous prices demanded for them, after a gay social season in the winter time. Dances, theatres, teas, receptions, cards, etc., etc., ad infinitum were expensive for the cave dweller, and he often was cruel enough to make his wife go bare headed. The crafty milliners called a sachem and deliberated for many moons, and then they came forth with their proclamation. They established a period during which it is wrong for people to eat squab or drink Mumm's or dance or gamble. Of course they had to save money, as long as they couldn't spend it. Only one luxury was allowed them until after Easter. That one soul solace was the Easter hat, and, being first in line, the aristocracy of the milliners reaped the profits of six weeks' economy, and every one was happy. Ever since that time the custom has been kept, and, inasmuch as one can save money by fasting for several weeks and then killin.i; his wife and escape the hat bill, there has been very little opposition. THE BEAST The young bride was in tears. She put '.er head in her mother's lap and gulped out large sobs, "oh, dear," she said, "I might just as well be married to a dog. He comes home every night, and tracks mud all over the rugs, then lies down in front of the fire, and growls for his sup- per." n n s D D AFTER THE GAME Poke: "How did you come to lose so much money?" Kerr: "I didn't come to lose." D n s D n ZAT SO? Nervous Co-ed: "Conductor, which end of this car do I get off of?" Conductor: "It doesn't make much difference, mam. Both ends stop." D D S D D INTERVIEWS WITH GREAT MEN 7. Elmer Fiero "Good morning, Elmer," said tlie war spe- cialist of the Siren. "May I see the Dean?" "The Dean is at a council meeting just now," said Elmer. "What's the name, please?" D D S D n A PIPE COURSE ^ Vi* " V'i?' She — "Guess where 1 bought the gown I have on." He — "I'd guess the jewelers." D D S D D OUR COLLEGE PRIMER 6. Spring Spriug- is the greatest of outdoor sports. You can get drunk in a dry town in the spring because it doesn't take intoxicating liquors to stew ,vou in the spring. In fact, if some one were to offer you some booze in tlie spring you wonhl say,. "No, thank you. I want wliat I asked fur— not a substi- tute." And then you wonhl go out on tlie ^■eranda, slang for front porch, and j'ou would become steeped in the sweet, stirring strains of a man- dolin on which you are beginning to learn the scales. Or you might step across the street and talk to her about courses or movies or the ball game and how funny your heart feels and how warm her hand is and gosh, but she has nice hair. Or ma^'be you would take a walk in tlie dusk and see in the haze caused by you Three-B and A.rccuUa Mixture the alluring smile and ten der eyes of Clara from your home town and then you would come home and write five tliousand words that have it all over anything Roliert Chambers ever attem]ited. Or perhaps you would feel kind of frisky and in order to relieve yourself would set your landlady's house on fire or call on the Dean of Women for a sociable chat or call Bob Zuppke names to his face or wrestle with your room- mate on the sidewalk. Or majhap you would make a lovely bonfire of all your books and subscribe for three years each of the VusmopoIitcDi, Parisienne, Vanity Fair, tSmart Set. and Snappy Stories. Or perchance you would go into Harris' and buy a Lovers' Delight and sit'witli it in the last booth on the east side and talk softly across the table to Agues, although the waiter will swear to it that there was no one in the booth with you. Spring is the greatest of outdoor sports. You can get drunk in a dry town in the spring Itecause it doesn't take intoxicating lii|nors to stcAV you in the sjiring. n n s D n PLEASE LOOK THIS WAY Professor — "I wish you'd give your attention to me. I want to impress you witli the tact that man is descended from the ape." /J ..•r/. •'•/•.■ /7 ■.■•;•.>;.•.' ■'^ ■■:••';■.'' •-."•■ "//^ *^^^^ ^■.{■^^■z-y}y>^'-vp>y.-"""0^a\i" ^^\1 ':V>;x^:";/ ■ ■; V ■ ^^^W .••-.•.-••'.*» ••:. .•■•,• .' '/-. '•,•.>.■/;• •..' • -. • •■' : '•^ :\ 1 7-.;;v."-i-'-.".-'."V" '. 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It may be that Irving Perlin or ElLa Wheeler Wil- cox could write better ones. We are merely presenting then;, so that next year when you drop oft" the train into these here Twin Cities you won't get started wrong : Here vou are, 'Slv. Stdthart : WHILE YOU'RE DREAMING OF ME I'LL BE FIXING THE FLUE Verse Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, Take your feet from that there table. (Two beats for applause.) If the soup but had a muffler — Gosh, what can I rime with muffler — Well. I pass. I ain't no shuffler. Etc. (You get the idea, don't you, Mr. stothart?) Chrous Where's that moon? Bring that moon! Dust 'er off. Now get the coon When you've brought out all the coons — June and spoon and croon and loon — Start aworking on the oves, Turtle dove, dreaming of. up above, all in love Etc. (You get the idea, don't you, Mr. Stothart?) (Bart ought to get by with this pretty good) Title THROW MY ASHES IN THE BONEYARD WHEN. I'M DEAD Verse When the Beta house is sleeping on the I. C. Railroad tracks, Throw my ashes in the Boneyard, mother aear. And the little fish is weeping, all enclosed in gunny sacks. Throw my ashes in the Boneyard, mother dear. When the morning hours are creeping and the chips are piled in stacks. Is this silly, Mr. Stothart? Ain't this clear? Chorus In the floody, muddy Boneyard Where little tin cans grow. In the slooey, flooey Boneyard Where the ancient hen-fruits flow. Put my ashes in a suitcase And my Phi Bate pin — just so! In the sloppy, choppy Boneyard 'Cause I love you, darling Flo! (Let Pat Page warble this one in 3 hhio Hmono.) Title LET ME BE YOUR LITTLE ANGLE WORMIE Verse (Slowly, with passion) Sweetheart, you're a piece of mud Abaking in the sun. And I'm a little angle worm Afrolicking, my hon. Oh, let us get together, dear, And spoon a little while — For when its shiny weather, dear. Your face cracks when you smile, So, Chorus Let me be your little angle wormie, And you shall be my darling piece of mud. We'll cuddle In a puddle And I'll muddle in your arms. I'll wriggle And vou'll giggle Gosh, Herb, what rimes with arms? My dearie. You're fascinating And aggravating. And hypnotizing, mesmerising — Lord, I am simply wild about you! So, Let nie be your little angle wormie, And say you'll be my darling piece of mudi (Suggestion: Get the best tumbler in the gym depart- ment and give him the worm role (roll,. Let tho chorus play the mud, and arrange formations in which the worm wriggles through the mud. Thank you.) S. MILES. Rhubarbanite: ."I want to look at some hose." Floorwalker: "Seventh floor to the left." Salescan: "Half hose or stockings?" Rhubarbanite: "The other kind of hose." Salesman: "In the basement." Rhurbanite: "I want to see some garden hose." Salesman II: "Canvas covered or rubber; do you want it on a reel?" Rhurbanite: "On what floor are the rakes?" D D S D D HO HUM When vernal zephys come a stealin' And you lie and gaze at Heaven's ceilin' And you got that blissful lazy feelin' Amorous, y'know; a pipe and a girl And the birds a warblin', bees a hummin' Proclaim that summer's really comin' And the lyre o' love is softly strumin' Listless like, and low; Ambition's gone on its vacation, Gee it's great — procrastination You all know the situation; Ain't it so? D n s n n Louis — "Next to a girl, whai:'s the most foolieh thing you know?" Louise — "A fellow — next to a girl." "That fellow Montmorency is doing a great deal to rouse the country." "He doesn't look very intelligent." "I know, but he manufactures alarm clocks." D D S D n THE BOOKWORM He gi'oiiud away wlio'-e days and niglits on volniues old and rare. He scanned the books zigzasged by mites and gray became Ins liair. He didn't cave a crooked damn* for si)orts or cabarets; and every friend of his he'd slam as Inbbers, chumi)S, or jays. He wooed some dnsty tomes galore, and swallowed them witli zest from Egy])t's Jiieroglyphic lore to Cato, and the rest. lint now tliat man is t]iirty-])lns and nigh onto his grave. His clothes arc always in a mnss : lie needs a modern siiave. He scribbles now foi' magazines, this learned, sad old hack, and swallows \\ater, pork and beans alone in some poor sliack. And every night before the glass, he wails witli craven look. He might have loved a merry lass— instead he wed a book. *Anstrailian coin. D D S D n INCLUSIVE Tutor (when his pupil's lesson had been poorly pre- pared) — "I guess we didn't study our lesson this time?" Boy — "I guess we didn't. Ain't we a couple of asses?" SI la E JH TO SAY NOTHING OF BOCK BEER When one writes concerning seasons' It is well, for many reasons To begin to rant about the blooming Spring. And so, I give you warning On this early April morning, That I'm going to tune my lyric harp and sing. And you're going to hear of flowers And of leafy, rural bowers, Where the dove and pigeon bill and coo all day. Where the mink and saucy rabbit Each pursues his spring-time habit. And the beaming face of nature seems so gay. There is nothing to me fonder, Than in such a place to wander — Leaving care and worldly worries far behind. With me, Neptune's lovely daughter, Who was born in heaven's water — Fairer than the fairest jewel ever mined. If you walk with me and Venus, I will wager that, between us, We can drive away the clouds that murk your brai:i. And you may see the woodland pix Playing saucy, elfish tricks — Romping in the glades and shady dells again. So come with us and lead the life That's free from mundane care and strife. And all the little things that turn hair gray. No bustle and no hurry. And no bitter-carking worry, In the spring, when all of Nature turns to play. n D s D n THE MORNING AFTER Jimmy: "Pa must have been to the dentists last night." Mother: "What makes you think so?" Jimmy: "Well he said he'd had his eye teeth cut for $300." D D S D D Housen pedagogues and fools Never see the mirror pools. Where the naiads hide from prying human eye. And they scoff at elf and fairy — Folk who played the tricks so merry. Noted in the lore of many years gone by. ENTHUSIASTIC "She registers 60," said the youth at the wheel, as they speeded along the dusty road. "Shall I see if she'll touch 65?" And the gentle maiden replied: "Well, I'm full of grit." Wife: "You must have been awfully busy at the cffice today. I called you on the phone four times, ai.1 the operator said "busy" every time" .SMzii^^^s M ]B 3 1 REM "Who was that simple, brainless looking woman you just spoke to?" "That woman? She was my wife," "Oh, I beg your pardon, I er — " "That's all right. It shows you're a good judge of character." COMPARISONS Floorwalker^"Do you realize that you were four hours selling those two women a yard of ribbon?" Saleslady — "I know, sir. But just as they got to the counter they discovered that they each had a baby just learning to talk." n D S D D HE SLIPPED She — "Is my hat on straight?" He — "Yes, absolutely." She — "Oh, dear, it isn't supposed to be." n D s n D BLOOMS Ma, she says there's lots o' blooms Thet comes out in the spring. But there's one wat needs no seasons Its fullest bloom to bring. It's the bloom on my pa's nose Wat shines and git's so red — An' when my ma gits through with him There ain't much left unsaid. D D S D D THE DAY THE NURSE LEFT Mother (whose husband was sick with a trained nurse) — "What are you doing, children? Don't you know it isn't nice. Tommy, to kiss your sister that way?" Tommy — "I know, mama, but she's playing nurse." He always feels so bad for us When sumpun's ginst the grain, He has to step outside to feel — An' sooth his troubled brain. But I knows one wat's got pa's beat 'N pa don't know wat, nuther — It's the bloom wat comes on rabbits' feet 'N decorates my mother. D D S D n n n s D D "TWIN SICKS' df I don't carry a stock of "Alexander's Ragtime Band," but I have some on which the ink isn't dry. The next time you come down to Mead's come in and let me play some of them for you. Baldwin Pianos, L. L. SILL Sonora Phonographs, HAMILTON BLDG. [Across from Meads] Sheet Music ^=M^ A SPRING LESSON— Being a study n D s D n LOVE On the South Campus in the spring time They whisper promises old While across the road in the cemetery The dead ones are turning to mold. And man grasps closer his frail one And heaves a tremulous sigh While from across the road they're reminded That mortals eventually die. But why speak of love or of spring time Or of life's eternal trend With only the road between them The Beginning and the End. of plant, nut, and animal species D D S D D AN EYE TO THE FUTURE Clerk — "Do you want your wife's initials put inside the watch?" Hubby — "No, er — just better put 'To my dearest.' " De Luxe Confectionery The house of quality. All kinds of re- freshments. Fine home-made candies. Our Motto __ "Cleanliness and Service" 307 N. Neil St. Auto Phone 1132 J. A. SARRIS, Prop. Nothing Else But Quality and perfect satisfaction has given our "Modern" confec- tions a wide distribution in the twin cities. The White & Gold Confectionery Where Student's Patronage Is Appreciated 106 W. Main St. Urbana, 111. Dance Dates= VARSITY CRYSTAL ORANGE & BLUE GRIDIRON COLLEGE May 12 April 15 April 29 ., ^ May 12 ONYX Alay 6 May 12 June 8 May 19 May 12 Theatre Belvoir E. H. RUSSELL, Manager April 13th, 14th and 15th Thursday, Friday and Saturday **Thc Crceneycd Monster" A thrilling Railroad Photo Drama in Two Parts, made in Champaign and enacted by a promi- nent cast of local favorites, featuring in the leading roles, Mr. J. C. Roberts, Miss Faith Swi- gart, Mr. Bart Macomber, Mr. Quin Kiler, Mr. F. B. Mead, Mr. Frank Clacey, alias "Hike," Fire Chief Ely and many other prominent people of the University and Champaign. It is the gretaest two-reel movie sensation of the age, and will be shown together with our reg- ular program on the above mentioned dates. (H A successful man puts his trust in God and "works like the Devil" - T >! i^* '^ "'^ w' "^^^ ''l^^^i^ MmP UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS-URBANA j^flQA ^ 1 1 1 1 i III Hi li 11 11 ejHbQ 3 0112 043294450 WBX ii3L ^ffii (ftB'-'M ^WB* rtnflffl 1 •*.-,V5- W^ ■f^fy?: •>v,t*|